Tag Archives: smart

The LOVE Section…

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now.. well, a year and 2 days.. Actually meant to post on the anniversary, but you know.. got all distracted by shiny things and .. hey! LOOK A PUPPY!!

Part of the reason for starting the darned thing was to keep myself amused.. that and I like writing.. and also to keep track of my “resolutions” of sorts that I made a year ago..

As you may or may not recall, there were several.. one of which was that I had hoped during the past year, that I might find myself in a relationship perhaps, maybe..

But here’s the thing.. I don’t actually MEET people.  I mean, I don’t get out much (you only get so many weekend passes from the home..)  And sincerely, I don’t know where you’d go to meet people.. it’s tough, really.

I’ve tried the online dating thing.. and well, yeah.  I mean, I’m pretty honest about my profile.. I had friends read it and they’ve said it’s a fairly accurate representation of who I am.. I stated what I feel are my good qualities.. and owned up to some negative ones.. I mean, no one is perfect, obviously.. but .. I do think I’m a pretty decent, fun type of chick.. And I’ve been told I’m not bad to look at…

On the negative side.. I’m quite loud and sarcastic (not mean to those less fortunate or anything) and some men really don’t know how to “handle” me (so I’m told…)  I guess sometimes I don’t have a filter and I call people on their shit.. or I’m just.. loud and slightly insane and others can’t quite handle it.  Too smart for my own good is what my mother would call it.

So, here is the profile…

I am happy, funny, articulate, generous, very goofy, smart, sexy, loving, erudite, cheerful, giving, open, somewhat attractive I think, sensual, intuitive, a great cook and baker, artistic, a great public speaker, forgiving, honest, slightly insane in a good way, super fun, passionate, severely right handed, not really a girly girl, understanding, freakishly logical, a bit of a tomboy, a good dancer, a home handy man, animals and children love me, I try to see the good in everyone… and I’m fun. But I think I said that already.

I am very smart and enjoy the mental exchange far more than anything. I appreciate the fact that not all are as into computer stuff as I am.. but.. If you try to engage me with a brief sentence or profile.. We likely won’t hit it off. Just sayin’ I like interesting conversation, whether it’s through messaging and text.. or in person. But if I’m not mentally engaged.. it won’t happen.. I’m a writer, after all.. I enjoy the written word…

I like boys with brains. And funny. Wit and intelligence are paramount. But if you’re hot.. that’s a bonus. (please note my earlier reference to sarcasm.. ) however, although I don’t have a specific “look” that I like, I do like men with nice teeth. yes, it’s a weird thing.

I’ll let you know how this little experiment goes… I will tell you this.. if a guy asks what “erudite” means.. he won’t be getting a reply..  I’ll be busy looking at that puppy…

Life: all good
Love: Dudes, like, did you not just read that?
Pants: so many jokes to be made here about how I’m the only one who takes them off.. but, I won’t.. just in case my mother reads this. Oh, wait, she’ll like that. NVM…

25 Things I Would Tell My Children.

A friend sent me an email about 25 things she wishes she would have known when she was her daughter’s age. My children are 19 and 14.. and I hope they actually read this.. and listen to their mother…

1. Don’t get caught up in gossip or petty fights between your friends.  They may seem earth shattering at the time, but most of the time it’s just crap. Always ask yourself if this will matter in a day, a week, a month or a year from now.HEART%20LOU

2. Get a job. Not because we don’t want to support you but because when you fail on your own and then you succeed, no one can take that away from you. That job will give you confidence, responsibility and self-respect. Sounds like bullshit but one day you will realize it is the truth.  And put away 20% of your paycheque. EVERY cheque. Save it. Learn how to save money NOW.  Actually, put away more than that, then when the time comes when you want to travel or buy a car, you’ll be way ahead of the game.

3. As tempting as it is, don’t go crazy with credit cards. Get one, use it sparingly, pay it off quickly. Pay cash as much as you can.

4. Start exercising now and do it every day. At least something. Walk, run, whatever you feel comfortable with. Just MOVE.

5. Don’t measure yourself against the ridiculously high standards of the entertainment industry. Just be the best person you can be.  If your heart is happy that will reflect in your appearance.

6. You are smart, talented and unique. Never ever forget that.

7. Talk to your grandparents.  Spend time with them. Ask them about what it was like when they were your age. Yes, I know sometimes “old people” are “boring” but you’ll cherish the memories you make.

8. Don’t “skip” family events. Spend time with your aunts, uncles, cousins. I know that you’d rather be with your friends but you’ll be happy that you still have these relationships years down the road.

9. When you feel sad or upset, tell someone. Always have someone you can tell things to.  Your mother, your father, a friend.  Never ever think that anything is insurmountable. Again, think about whether this will be important tomorrow, next week.. next year.  And never be afraid to ask for help, regardless of how bad you think your problem is.

10. Go ahead and drink. drink until you puke. Just don’t drive. Alcohol isn’t as likely to kill you as getting behind the wheel of a car. Have fun with your friends but don’t put yourselves at risk.

11.  Don’t be afraid.  Say hi to that person you like. Go someplace new.  Try a new activity.  Every once in a while take a risk….(nothing STUPID though.. and always be safe!)

12. Don’t settle.  Whether it be in love, or work or your friendships. Don’t stay with someone or a situation just because it’s comfortable. You deserve the best of everything, but it won’t be handed to you. You’ll have to work for it.  And if you settle you’ll always be wondering “what if?”

13. Always, always, always take the high road. There is never a reason to intentionally hurt someone. Do what in your heart you know is right and you will never have any regrets. It’s not easy but it is worth it.

14. Do not be embarrassed to say you believe in God if you do. Everyone believes in God, some of us just have another word for God like love, humankind or truth. God is a man made word, believe in what gives you faith and strength.

15. Don’t smoke. Don’t smoke and under no circumstances take chemical drugs. Smoking will kill you. Slowly, something else might get you first just by way of fate but smoking will suck the oxygen from your cells, age you, fight your body internally and invite cancer in to stay. Chemical drugs will mess you up far beyond what you can imagine. Some people can get away with them for awhile. It’s a crap shoot and believe me, the crap will devour you.

16. Smile. Especially when you don’t really feel like it. Sometimes just by smiling, you’ll improve your mood and the attitudes of everyone around you.  And laugh every day. If it doesn’t happen naturally, find something on tv or call someone you know who will make you laugh.

17. Perform an act of kindness every day. It doesn’t have to be big.  Hold the door open for people. Always help ladies with strollers and the elderly.  Buy someone a coffee. It doesn’t have to cost money, just do something helpful and nice.  Volunteer. Be charitable. Always remember that “there for but the grace of God go I”. Things can change in a heartbeat. Always help those less fortunate than yourself if you are able to.

18. Be polite. Always say please and thank you.  It’s difficult sometimes, but you can do it.

19. Be careful of what you tell others. Don’t tell everyone every bad thing or annoyance about your partner or friends… you may forgive them, but sometimes your friends/family may not. Pick your battles.

20. Always have a pet. You will be the recipient of unconditional love and always have someone who loves you to come home to.

21. Have a dream.  Never give it up and never let anyone talk you out of it.  Then plan on how you’re going to capture that dream.

22. Always have something that is just yours.  Something that you can do all by yourself no matter where you are. Whether it’s reading or writing or composing. Something that makes you happy and fulfilled.  Then when you are bored or lonely or just need some time alone, you will always have something that brightens your spirits. Be creative. Cook, paint, sing, write. Dance, sculpt, garden.. whatever it is that makes you feel creative, do it. It’s good for your soul.

23. Fall in love with someone who makes you feel good about yourself.  Someone that you enjoy being with in all situations. That makes you laugh but will be there if you need to cry.  Never change who you are for someone else (unless it’s for the better..) And don’t mistake hormones for “love”.  Love should never make you feel desperate, upset or obsessed.  Just always remember that Love is supposed to make you feel GOOD. If it makes you feel bad, then chances are it’s something else.

24. Find whatever it is that you are passionate about then figure out how you can do that for a living. If you love your job it will never be work.

25. Never be afraid to tell someone how you feel. If you love them, tell them. You may not get an “I love you” back, but at least you let them know they are loved. And the more love you share, the more you get back.

By the way, I love you both very much.

Life: Not bad at all. Mind you, wish I knew some of this stuff 25 years ago…
Love: Love my family and friends.
Pants: Burned off a lot of calories moving.. going well!

The famous Inside the Actor’s Studio Questionnaire

Inside the Actors Studio is a series on the Bravo cable television channel, hosted by James Lipton. While most of the show is a one-on-one interview conducted by Lipton, this is followed by the host submitting a questionnaire to the guest. The questionnaire concept was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust Questionnaire.
I got this from my lovely friend Kelly via FB but felt like doing it on the blog… You know the drill, fill it in, post it, tag your friends…someday they could be famous and actually on BRAVO taking the quiz inside the Actor’s Studio. Or not….

1) What turns you on?
Smart and Funny. I’d pick average looking dude with wicked smarts and sense of humour over washboard stomach boy any day of the week. However, if washboard stomach boy is also super funny and smart… well…

2) What turns you off?
Extreme arrogance. Cruelty. Rudeness. Violence.

3) What is your favorite word?
Laugh. I collect signs that say laugh.. so does my BFF Jodi. We are getting tattoos of the word on our wrists as a constant reminder. Sometimes it’s all you can do in order to not go crazy.

4) What is your least favorite word?
Stupid. My children were not allowed to say it growing up. Idiot. Anything that makes others feel bad.
as an aside… I have two friends who hate the word “panties”. And another friend who will retch if you say the word “caterpillar”. Not kidding. I haven’t any such strong feelings about any words.

5) What sound or noise do you love?
Sound of my own voice, obviously…. kidding. My children’s voices. The bass in a song. Laughter.

6) What sound or noise do you hate?
The sound of screeching brakes and shattering glass. I’ve been in too many accidents.

7) What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Games show host. Writer. Millionaire.

8) What profession other than yours would you not want to attempt?
Politician . Accountant. Anything that involves sweating or cleaning up bodily fluids.

9) What is your favorite swear word?
F _ _ K . Specifically.. “F_ _KIN’ F_ _KERS”.

10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you as you enter the Pearly Gates?
Well, it was touch and go there for a while.. but.. you pulled it off.. best part is, Satan now owes me $50….

Life: No news
Love: The only boys who seem to like me live far away. LOL. I need to move or something..
Pants: Lost 4 pounds this week. However, that was after gaining a couple.. so doing OK.

Ya Gotta Have Friends…

“Friend – a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty.” – Collins English Dictionary

I had the opportunity to get together with a friend this week… I had not seen her in months as we no longer live close.. she lives out of the country during the winter months…

Karen and I have been friends for about 12 years.. and we’ve been through a lot together.. tough times, moving, fiances, weddings, divorces, falling in love, falling out of love, laughter, tears and many, many bottles of wine. We spent the evening catching up on everything that had been happening in the last several months.. and once again there was laughter, a few tears.. and of course, the ever present wine.

I’ve had many friends over the years.. check my “friends list” on Facebook.. there are 834 at the present count. These are “friends” from grade school, high school, various jobs, the music industry, and various and sundry misadventures associated with all of them. I would consider everyone on my friend list a friend of some regard.. but when FB installed the friend categories.. I was a little stumped at how to “group” people (so I have not.. ) but this combined with my Karen visit got me thinking about the various friendships I have had over the years.

My first best friend was Julie. One day I just walked into her back yard while she was having a tea party with her mom and uncle. We became fast friends at the age of three.. had our first sleepovers together… played “wedding” (I was always the groom as I had short hair and she was the girly girl..)… first day of school together. We were BFFs until grade 3.. she went to that grade.. I went directly to grade four. The social hierarchy changed.. and I was now running with a different crowd.. interestingly, Julie became BFFs with my sister.. and they are still friends.

I have always had a lot of male friends.. not as many “girl” friends. The first friends I hung out with regularly were the neighbourhood boys.. Stevie, Brian, Mario and Marky. We would play “Flintstones” and climb trees and ride bikes and do cool stuff where you got dirty. I was more of a tomboy and preferred that to playing the groom in various wedding or house scenarios. But then again.. I skipped a grade and.. got new friends.

Through grades 4-8 and into high school I pretty much hung out with the same group of girls.. Bambi, Crystal, Trish and Starr (yes, real names..) But I always had different “groups” of friends.. there were always the male friends… the groups of girls.. the kids in band and math club.. different friends for different social situations… Grades 7/8 and into high school, Lynn was one of my best buddies.. Judy and I were friends all through grade school and beyond…

In high school there was a group of 11 girls… Bambi named us “The Natural Highs”.. each one of us had a flavour name.. Vanilla, Chocolate, Butterscotch.. etc.. I was Cinnamon. We hung out, partied… had fun. But I always felt not quite comfortable with “girl” friends.. just a certain element of competition I guess.

I preferred hanging out with the boys.. Craig, Tony, Mike and Joe. Sitting in Mike’s basement listening to CFNY and “punk”.. Elton Motello, the Pistols, Jane County and the Electric Chairs.. all the interesting music Mike’s older brother turned our way.. we had a lot of fun together. Plus, Craig was my boyfriend.. so the making out factor certainly weighed into the equation.

And of course, I must mention my spare period BFF and Hallway patrol partner Steve. We’d randomly stop younger kids asking to see their hall passes (we didn’t have them at our school).. just because we were silly. Stephen and I are still friends.. which makes me very happy.

In college I was inseparable from Avril.. we did everything together. Talked, partied, school work.. you name it.. we liked to spend time with Wayne, John and Paul.. roommates who lived in her building. And of course we hung out with people in our class.. Al, Tony, John… George .. (please notice I remember all the guys and not so much the girls…) Oddly, still keep in touch with a few people from college, but most weren’t in my class. Funny that. And through the magic of Facebook have had the pleasure of catching up and reconnecting with a few.

I’ve made friends wherever I’ve gone.. some good friends, some great friends.. some for the time being and some for what seems like forever. I have people still in my life that I’ve known for 25, 30 years or more.. there has to be a reason why I think. Some connection that just never goes away. I met my friend Mark when we were dating members of the same family.. those relationships broke up.. he and I wound up working together.. and through years and distance and everything else we somehow end up still staying in touch after more than 25 years. Crazy.

I just find it interesting thinking about what makes people friends.. and what KEEPS them friends. One of my best friends ever is named Ami. She and I became friends by happenstance.. she phoned my house one night for a business reason and I answered the phone by yelling into it “TURN ON CHANNEL THREE!! RANDY BACHMAN IS ON THE SIMPSONS!!” I can’t recall if I was just excited that I knew someone on the Simpsons or if I thought she was someone else.. We quickly became fast friends.. and I was even the maid of honour at her wedding. But, with moves.. and career changes and everything that happens in life.. we’ve drifted apart. Completely my fault I believe. One of my personal goals for the not too distant future will be to reconnect with Ami. I miss her a lot. (Please note that instead of procrastinating about this, I actually found her phone number and called her .. like.. just now. I got her machine and I left her a goofy message involving me singing a song about her, eating some ribs and other nonsense. I am not right in the head. You already knew that.)

I think sometimes many friendships are based on convenience.. whether or not you see those people regularly. I know that since I moved north, there are BFFs that I don’t hear from as often. And of course since my employment situation changed there are another whole bunch that I have not been as close to. It happens. But the people I consider my true friends are the ones who make the effort to keep in touch.. to touch base.. to see how you are. Mind you, I’ve had friendships that have “gone by the wayside” because of location, distance.. what have you.. One of my best friends in my 20’s .. Mona/Lisa (depending on how you know her..) and I have always attempted to keep in touch and often go years without seeing each other.. but we somehow pick up where we left off.

“Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.” – Aristotle

It’s only in my adult life that I’ve had good “girlfriends”.. women with whom I can commisserate about men, love, children, female crap… the whole kit and caboodle..

Kelly was my first “grown up” girl friend I think.. interestingly, she was the ex girlfriend of the man I married.. she was in my wedding party.. I love her to death. She lives in Singapore now and we’ve done the “drifting apart”.. another person who I’d like to see back in my life.

Jennifer and I met many years ago .. and ended up working together years later.. and quickly became best friends. She’s a combination of friend and surrogate daughter for me.. hence my title “the new mommy”. We’ve been through ridiculous amounts of fun and pain together .. and there are more adventures on the way I’m sure.. what with me moving.. and her having a baby and all.. even though we’re in different cities at the moment we still manage to stay connected.

Carmen and I met and became instant friends.. we talk often and somehow just have that “click” .. I guess you’d call it.. just immediate camraderie. We started calling each other BFF’s immediately .. and we really are.

Cathy and I met many years ago and our paths have crossed enough times that we figured out that we are likely meant to be friends for life. We’ve been there for each other enough times to know.

Interestingly, one of my best friends is also an “ex”.. Fernando and I were together for a few years and shared a lot.. split last year and it was tough. But now we are in a place where we really are best friends. Which makes me happy that we didn’t have to cut each other out of our lives.

The person I call my “heterosexual life partner”.. is my friend Jodi.. We met through work several years ago.. and coincidentally lived in the same neighbourhood.. and again, just one of those “clicks”. We will often joke that we wish one of us was a man, or we were both gay.. because then I’m certain we’d be spending our lives together .. and hence the “heterosexual life partner”.. we spend all major holidays together and this past Christmas renamed our unusual family unit “The Warrcrookens” – a combination of both our last names.. Jodi and I have had more than our share of misadventures. I believe this weekends’ involves liquor and tattoos. No, not kidding.

And I also have a huge group of what I call “virtual friends”.. people with whom I speak with literally every day but don’t see in person.. people who probably know more about me than people who see me in person regularly.. Evan.. Irvine..Kelly…. Michelle.. my new friend Kyle.. and a few others … people who I consider to also be great friends despite distance or lack of physical contact.

I guess the common thread with any friendship is stuff in common.. I know that with all of the friendships I cherish, its likely the easy ability to laugh..and of course love.. Laughter is my favourite thing in the world.. if you can make me laugh.. we’ll get along fine..

I have a plaque on my hallway wall that reads “A friend is a gift you give yourself”. It was a gift from Ami years ago. It fell at one point and broke but I glued it together again and put it back up. and I guess I kind of think of laughter and love as the glue that will hopefully put back together some of those neglected and broken friendships.. fingers crossed.

Life: Is in flux. Glad to have so many good friends to lean on during the tough times.
Love: I believe love is friendship on fire. I read that on a travel mug or bumper sticker somewhere. Yeah, its very uh.. mushy. LOL
Pants: Pretty much all of my friends wear pants. Just an FYI.

Smart and Funny Required. Idiots and Dumbasses need not apply………

Well I had no one to kiss at midnight on New Year’s. Sure, I had my BFF Jodi…. and Mocha the wonderdog, but it’s just not the same thing.

Unfortunately, I have been “unattached” for a while now…… I was married for 15 years.. then had a steady boyfriend (who I shall call Fernando – he likes it, I already checked….) for over 3 years. When I decided to move to Central Ontario, Fernando was not too impressed. Originally it seemed as if he might join me, but after 6 months apart, things just weren’t working out and he broke it off.

So, after my broken heart healed up a bit, I thought perhaps I’d enjoy some male companionship. However, I worked all the time…. and didn’t ever meet anyone….. and so spent all my nights alone…… What’s a girl to do?

Well, being the computer geek that I am, I thought why not try the online thing…? Soooooooo found a decent picture of myself, wrote some funny stuff, and posted a profile. And waited… but not for long….. I soon after starting getting emails from guys who apparently found me attractive. Super. Except for the fact that I did NOT find THEM attractive.

Listen, I’m not totally into money or cars or whatever. I am not super obsessed with the looks thing. Like, I like a good looking guy as much as the next cougar.. but I find really unusual guys attractive. I like funny and smart. As long as buddy’s not hideous, I’m okay with that. As long as they can hold up their end of the conversation and make me laugh fairly regularly, we’re good. But SERIOUSLY people.. some of these guys… it’s not even so much what they look like, it’s the fact that some of these guys are just not right. Not Mr. Right, Not-Right-For-Me… just not right in the head.

I think I’m reasonably good looking for my age.. I’m pretty charming and funny and intelligent. So WHY are all these OLD MEN contacting me??? Who are these 4o somethings who look like they’re one of my parents’ friends??? And who in the name of sweet baby Jesus do they think they are?? In their emails they abuse such words as “handsome” and “smart” to describe themselves. They then proceed to send me poorly written, monosyllabic emails and apparently expect me to likely swoon and let them ravage me.

Please enjoy a real email I received from someone who was interested in chatting… I did not make this up. This isn’t even the “best” one:

hello there fun love to have i find humur in most things and yes i rock out to most music but i must say i love led zepplin the best i also love the outdoors camping canoeing having a few by the fire with some good jokes if i have sparked an intrest drop me a line or 2 .

I’m sure you can imagine the speed at which I responded to that. Typing so fast that the keyboard nearly started on fire. Riiiiiiiiiight. Did buddy really expect me to respond? My profile said I wanted SMART and FUNNY. Apparently in cyber world this translates to “I am looking for pretty much illiterate and still wearing the mullett he grew in high school”.

Then of course there are the REALLY great catches.. the sex machines. The guys who email something reasonably entertaining and then once you start chatting with them on MSN… yikes! Normal conversation is “hey, how are ya? what’s your favourite colour? Do you like dogs?” Not, “I want to dom you.. want to cam?” Just the kind of guy you want to take home to mother.

Sure, I’ve made a few online friends.. and there’s still a couple of them I continue to talk to on MSN, so you never know. But on the whole, I guess it’s just not for me. Therefore I hereby tender my resignation from internet dating. I’ve decided to go back to meeting boys the old fashioned way…. at the bar.

Life: Nothing to report
Love: Did you not read the above? Nothing to see here…..
Pants: Still down 4 lbs. However, I am starving.