I’m thinking of plastering ads all over the stalls of washrooms as I’ve discovered that it’s very effective and hopefully I can use it to spread my message throughout the land.
Here’s what started the whole thing.. Jodi the BFF (that stands for best friend forever, in case you’re a boy or you’ve been living in a cave) and myself decided to try to have some adventure this past weekend. We wanted to go new places, meet new people.. perhaps meet some cute boys.
We elected on Friday night to head up the road to what we had heard was a “street dance”. The road is only a few blocks away and since we planned to have a couple of cold ones, we started walking. And walking. And walked some more. In cheapass Old Navy flip flops. So it sucked.
After about nearly an hour of unintentional exercise we realized that this “street dance” was much further away than we had thought, called it quits, decided to pop into the first watering hole we came to and just grab a bevvy there. The establishment we chose had the unfortunate moniker of “The Barn”. Long story short, it lived up to its name.
We grabbed a table on the patio and shortly after sitting down a guy came over and asked to share the space. Since we’re friendly types we agreed. He explained that he was married and out for a bit with the boys.. who were “hitting on chicks” .. he just wanted to sit and relax so figured he’d “safe” with us.
it's a banana guard. don't worry it will make sense soon.
Safe? With us? ‘Splain please…
Well, dumbass buddy here proceeded to tell us that he had assumed we were lesbians.
First, let me tell you that neither myself nor Jodi has anything against anyone who is gay. We have gay friends. We don’t care, don’t judge. However, we are not gay. We are very heterosexual. We like boys.
Dumbass’s Buddy’s theory was basically that two women “our age” out together for drinks on a Friday = gay. This theory also included the fact that we were casually dressed and not all tarted up for the bar like most of the whores girls who were in there.
We're on a boat.....
Aside from being unimpressed with this “theory” not to mention the delivery (he was a jerk..) we had to wonder if others thought the same thing. Needless to say we discussed at length why on earth would he or any other guy think that we were lesbians.
After all, even though we live together we have separate rooms thankssomuch .. and sure, we have matching tattoos but that’s a “best friend” thing.. yes and we call ourselves each other’s “heterosexual life partners” (SEE? HETEROSEXUAL!) .. and of course, I joke that I make Jodi a really good wife – but that’s because I do the cooking…. and we didn’t REALLY change our last name to Warrcrookens (Warren and Crooks smashed together..)… Not only that, we have NEVER changed our Facebook statuses to reflect “In A Relationship…”
The rest of the weekend we did bunches of fun things like go for a drive, get ice cream, went to a bar that’s on a boat.. went to a parade and saw a clown band and shriners in little cars… rummaged through some antique stores and various shops.. found a place that sells “banana guards” (they’re for protection..) .. ate good food, went to a restaurant or two. You know, all things you’d do with your significant other best friend.
We even made a little trip to Niagara On the Lake to punch play tourists. Wandered about, looked in shops and eventually stopped at a pub for a snack and a pint.
Perhaps it's the wife beater..??
When the waitress came to take our order we immediately bantered back and forth and played the “I-don’t-care-either-way-you-decide-cause-I’m-not-super-hungry” game until I finally uttered something about how I had to do everything, and Jodi shouldn’t worry her pretty little head or something like that and ordered for us both.
And after our moment bickering like an old married couple I said “crap. no wonder people think we’re gay.” And we laughed. Not the snide sarcastic laugh we usually use when mocking others but the big outdoor laughs we use when mocking ourselves.
Then we finished our snack and decided to hit the restroom before leaving.
I went into a stall and started reading the graffiti as I’m wont to do.. and read aloud the following:
“STAY AWAY FROM BARB W****** 519-578-****. SHE WILL *blank*, *blank* AND STEAL YOUR HUSBAND”
A couple of things happened then.. we realized we weren’t alone in the washroom as others expoded with laughter when we did. And I recognized that the phone number was in Kitchener. And I think I know this Barb chick.
We commented that everyone who goes in there likely reads that and then re-tells everyone at their table so often that BARB W****** is likely becoming an urban legend. And has likely had to change her phone number.
And so it struck me that perhaps this could be a great way of letting people know that BFF & I are not a “couple”… you know, just casually go into some washrooms and write “Beth and Jodi both like boys” on the walls…. or we could go with the classic “for a good time…” but that seems too.. uh, slutty whorish mercenary over the top. Plus there’s the little problem of getting into the men’s washrooms to write it.
And writing it in the womens’ washrooms I somehow don’t think is the answer.
But after some research I’ve determined the washroom advertising isn’t the answer.. after all, I looked Barb W****** up on Canada411 and she still has the same number – hasn’t had to change it due to the barrage of calls obviously. Apparently the “ad campaign” wasn’t as effective after all.
Jodi and I will just have to try harder to appear less “couple-y” I guess. And perhaps stop holding hands in public. 😉
Life: Got some stuff going on, mojo workin… we’ll let ya know.
Love: You’re kidding, right? I really did look up Barb and found her address and everything. Perhaps I should call her for hints as she seems to have no trouble with the guys.
p.s. Jodi gets plenty of dates.. I’m the one who’s dating my laptop. LOL.
Pants: Working hard but also eating hard. Again – will keep you posted.