Tag Archives: life

25 Random Facts

I received a Facebook note with one of those “you’ve been tagged so fill it out and tag other people…” blah blah blah… But I enjoyed thinking of random things about myself, so thought I’d post it on the blog. Oh, and it’s also because I’ve been lazy with the blogging..  I was surprised that James tagged me in his note. I’m flattered.

1. I am going to be very random in this note and attempt to go all James Joyce stream of consciousness on y’all. To a certain extent. Not TOO much though. don’t want to frighten anyone. LOL

2. If I ever use the term LOL.. it’s because I actually laughed. I do not use the term lightly.

3. I have a headache every day and recently had an MRI… doesn’t appear to be brain related. Shocking, I know. You figure they would have discovered the loose screw… so it’s a chronic pain condition… . I think it’s a neck muscle thing from my various accidents (several car accidents, dove head first into my parent’s pool, hit over the head with a hammer, fell down a mountain…) Oh, I’ve been known to be accident prone….

4. I’m not a fan of horror films. They annoy me. Also.. I point out all the flaws. I prefer comedy. Life is depressing enough without having to watch horror or listen to Coldplay.

5. My dream job is to be a game show host. Or be independently wealthy. Or get paid to write things.

6. I have never eaten a DQ Blizzard. And only recently ate some Ben & Jerry’s. Had 2 spoonfuls. I’m good.

7. My favourite people in the world are Katy and Josh. I birthed ’em. But despite my DNA they are pretty freakin’ awesome.

8. I hate the interview question “where do you want to be in five years?” Dude. I want to be crazy rich and have cabana boys fulfilling my every whim. Duh.  Oh, and unlimited liquor. And a pony.  Okay, not really a pony.  When I was a kid I told people I was afraid of horses because I was afraid of them.

9. I love writing. But I haven’t been doing enough of it recently.

10. I am easily bored. Some say that means you are boring. I hope I’m not.

11. Despite my awful romantic history, I still believe in true love. I know I will find that again, despite my advanced age. LOL. I also believe that you can love more than one person at a time.
Ideally, I want to meet someone who enthralls me with their wit, engages me in conversation. Thinks I’m awesome. Loves to cuddle. Dammit. this is starting to sound like a personal ad.

12. I like cheese.

13. I’m motivated by how I feel. Not by money. I actually hate money.  Mostly because I could always use more….

14. I love the Beatles, Springsteen. AC/DC. Frank Sinatra. Brad Paisley. Johnny Reid. Johnny Cash. I could go on… but..

15. I have the word LAUGH tattooed on my wrist. I love to laugh. If you can make me laugh, we’ll be BFF’s. favourite thing ever.

16. I’m a pretty good cook, but hardly ever cook for myself.  Only if I have someone to cook for.  I make some excellent shrimp and pasta dishes. I am making myself hungry….

17. I think my family is really cool. I love my nieces and nephews. My sisters rock. My parents are amazing. the brother in laws are cool as well.

18. I wish I could be more disciplined.

19. I enjoy listening in on other peoples conversations and making up back stories to their convos.

20. My favourite thing to do is talk. I love the exchange. The engagement. So much fun.

21. I hate my house to be messy. Unless I’m the one who messes it.

22. I love to kiss. Just need someone to do that with on a regular basis.

23. I need a massage.

24. I have a big nose. But my head is big too.. so it suits.

25. I don’t know if I’ll ever grow up. I hope I don’t.

Life: Can’t complain
Love: THAT I can complain about. Nothing to report.  I know.. shocking.
Pants: Have been as lazy with that as with the writing. Ugh.  Need to get back on that too. Surprisingly, have not gained any weight…

this is why, this is why.. i suck

Well.

It’s been a while.  I know. ugh. Nearly over three months.

oy vey.

Here’s the thing….

I started a bunch of posts and didn’t finish them because …… well…. some excuse.

A lot has been going on.  Like, LOTS.

Tons. Oodles. Many adventures.

So, you would think I would be writing all this stuff down, now, wouldn’t ya?  Well, apparently not.

One thing I did not do over the last 3 months is watch or read anything Twilight. I know nothing about it other than it's about vampires and girly stuff or something.

But let me brief you on what’s been going down.. then .. I will go back, finish the posts I started, and then all will be right with the world. Good times all around, my friends. Oh yes, we’ll get jiggy with it.

Things that have happened and that I will expound upon.. in no particular order…

  • I had a birthday. On that birthday I moved my stuff out of BFF Jodi’s house and into a garage in KW.
  • I went to California. It was cool. No, literally. It was April. It was about the same temperature in KW as in Cali.   Also, I saw a lot of relatives in Cali and a portrait of Arnold Schwarzenegger made of Skittles. It did not change my life in any way and I had actually completely forgotten about it until this moment.
  • My car got crashed.  Not good.
  • Got back from California. Moved the next morning into my new place in the K-dub.  Unpacked et al within days.
  • Started a new super cool gig.
  • Had a party.
  • Got a new car.
  • went to my high school reunion.
  • Proved bench advertising works.
  • Didn’t write blogs. (you already knew that)
  • Discovered a cure for the common cold. Got drunk to celebrate. Accidentally threw out the answer. Back to the drawing board.
  • Then, of course,  some random stuff that I will think of as I start spewing stuff onto the computer screen  ( I know, not the best visual there.. see? out of practice….)

So, my apologies to those of you that have actually checked to see if I’ve written some stuff.. yes, you.. Stacey Thompson-Delorme.. Michelle Walker and of COURSE, Tracy Lennon…  I shall attempt to be more consistent…. as in, the consistency of rice pudding… oh, but I digress.

So yeah, I’ve been sucking.  But I’m making an attempt to make amends.  Please forgive me. (insert tearful weepy face here… preferably of a really cute sad child… that’d make ya well up…)

K. If I’m going to get caught up, I better get moving. Await the avalanche.

Life: Good. Very good.
Love: Love the new place. (see how I got out of answering that directly? Ohhhh I’m sneaky..)
Pants: I’m wearing some. That’s all you need to know for now.

All Dogs Go to Heaven

Barley died on March 25th. I have struggled to write this.

=======================

I lost one of my best friends today.

Barley the WonderDog is gone.

Barley had to have surgery in November for a weird thing on his ear.. and he hadn’t been completely right ever since.

Barley.. first visit to the vet... Nov 9/99

He stopped eating. And this week, couldn’t walk anymore.  He fell down the stairs.  He stopped wanting to walk very far a few weeks ago.. we just thought he was arthritic. We bought him special food.. it didn’t work.

January 4, 1999 I had to take my cat Spooky to be put down. He was nearly 15 .. very sick.. and it was time.

I’m a pet person. Honestly.. I don’t trust people who do not like animals.

I’ve had fish, cats and dogs.. the son has also had some rodents (not my fave..)

But I digress.

Barley Warren was the best dog ever.

After Spooky died, I wanted another pet.  Honestly.. I don’t trust people who don’t like animals. (I’m repeating myself I know…)  I think everyone should have some kind of pet at one point.

And so I got Barley.

November 5th. 1999. Josh and Katy had a PD day.

I had been looking  in the classifieds for a dog. Specifically.. a border collie. Jamie (the ex husband) loved border collies. I wanted a dog. You get the picture….

The kids and I went to a farm in Listowel.. thinking we were getting a girl dog named Daisy.   But.. we got there and the owner said they had decided to keep her.. but they had a boy dog available…

The dog jumped on Katy.  They fell immediately in love.

His name was Bill. He cost $35. Bill is not a good dog name.. in my opinion.. so I named him Barley.

He stunk. A lot.  It was a pig farm.

So we paid for “Bill” and left the farm. And drove straight to PetSmart for some grooming.

On the way, little Joshie in his car seat kept feeding our new addition… The dog had never been in a car before. so we brought some treats.. and Josh gave him MANY.. so many that the dog puked and crapped all over the van.

Once we got to PetSmart, the dog escaped us and crawled under the van.. apparently he knew what was coming…

We finally got him out from under the van and into the store to be bathed and groomed.. we didn’t want to take him home stinky. After all,  I hadn’t actually TOLD the husband (at the time) that I was getting a dog that day……..

Went home.. cleaned the van.. and went back to get our new, good smelling puppy.. and get him a collar, leash and nametag.. and we took him home.

The husband was not thrilled.. but that quickly changed. He quickly grew to love Barley.. as we all did.

But… Katy was Barley’s girl. She says she was actually HIS pet. And he was her “baby boy”.

Barley.. being the border collie that he was.. liked to herd things.. Specifically, children.  Many times kids would ride by on bikes and he’d freak because they wouldn’t obey him.. Then there were the times that the kids would go tobogganing down the big hill behind our house and Barley would alternate between grabbing their snowsuits with his teeth and throwing himself in front of the toboggan. It was clearly for their own safety.

He had a very distinct personality.  When you’d get up in the morning he’d great you with a “ROWR-rowr-ROWR”.. It’s tough to type it phonetically…. but I think you get where I’m going here. The “talking” could mean anything from “feed me” to “I need to go out” .. to “hey, how was your day?”

Barley was one of those dogs who’d push his head under your hand to pet him.. He was a fairly large dog.. (he was about three quarters Border collie and one part collie so was a bit stockier..)  An imposing looking dog.. walking him, people would often stop to comment about how pretty he was. But he was a very gentle dog. A big baby. His bark was far worse…

I always called him a “pig in a dog suit”.. he’d eat anything and everything.. except vegetables. He rarely got “people food” but I can recall one time letting him eat the remains of one of the kids dinners.. and he did.. and spit out the broccoli.

You couldn’t leave ANYTHING out on the counter or he’d eat it.  At one point I had to put a large pot on the top of the garbage can in the kitchen.  Barley had figured out that if he stepped on the pedal,  the lid would open and FOOD GALORE! (Most of which may have been stuff he shouldn’t have eaten in the first place…and led to some cleaning up. But you don’t want to hear that…)

Barley hated baths ever since he was first bathed at PetSmart.  He’d lay down if you pretended if you were going to pick him up (he was big and heavy and most couldn’t but we’d pretend at his expense..)

He would get paranoid that you’d leave him alone.. he loved the car. (Oddly enough).. If he saw people packing, at the first opportunity, he’d jump in the car.. and whilst on the trip would NOT get out to pee.. fearing he’d get left behind.. or maybe he was just comfy.

One time not that long ago, Katy and I took the dogs for a walk and Barley picked up an extremely large stick..

He’d walk with it.. it would get heavy… Katy would tell him to put it down.. he would.. for a milli second. But HE HAD TO HAVE THE STICK.

I’m sure it didn’t help that Katy and I were laughing our asses off…

Barley was also very protective.. you’d have to be careful play fighting or tickling as he would get upset and try to protect the smaller of the two participants.. he actually bit one of Katy’s former boyfriends (not hard…)

He was also an extremely good judge of character. If he didn’t “like” one of the kids’ friends, he wouldn’t be mean, he just wouldn’t let them pet him.. He knew.  Barley was not very fond of several of Katy’s boyfriends. And he was entirely correct in his opinion….

I’ll miss waking up with Barley on the bed. Or beside the bed (even though I’m slightly allergic and wake up puffy….)

I’ll miss your “talking”.. I miss your nudging when you need to be petted.  I miss how excited you’d get when I’d put on my “stripey pants”.. which meant we were going for a walk. I miss you at the door when we come in the house.  I miss how you’d sometimes lick my face in the mornings.. (and I HATE having my face licked)..  I miss everything about you.

We finally took him to see the vet.. he got really bad quickly the last week. We were prepared. We were doing the “right thing”.  I’m not sure that I’ve ever cried so much. And I’m still crying now.  He knew it was time. He was sicker than we thought. It took longer than we thought as a result.

But he knew. He was okay with it. We petted him..kissed him… cried and told him how much we loved him.

He was a good boy.

Barley was everyone’s favourite dog.  Not just mine (no offense to Mocha) .. But my family’s.  He was gentle, loyal, loving and a big baby.

And much loved.  Even Mocha loved him. When we came home, she was confused and looked everywhere for him. Katy accidentally jingled his collar.. Mocha raced to find him.. saw the collar.. sniffed it.. uttered a huge sigh and lay down. She knew.

Barley.. I missed you before you left.  You are most assuredly in heaven.

Life: it goes on. Every time I walk in the door I expect him to be there.
Love: Love that dog.
Pants: Barley loved the stripey pants.

The Fine Art of Lying

Everyone lies.  If you deny it, you’re lying.   Please check your pants as I believe the smoke detector is going off….

As much as everyone likes to think they are straight forward, honest, upstanding individuals.. they lie.  Everyone lies on a daily basis,  when you get right down to it..

Think about it.. so someone asks you “How are you?”  And you immediately reply “Fine!” or “Great thanks!” without even thinking.. even though you’re boss teared ya a new one earlier in the day, your car’s acting weird, your kids are being bitchy and you had a fight with your significant other.. Oh, and you spilt coffee on your white shirt.

That’s not the point of this though.. everyone does the “unintentional little white lie” thing.. it’s a given.  Jesus won’t consider that a huge slight against the commandments (I think..)

And everyone does it.. sometimes to spare feelings (“no dear, your ass does NOT look fat in those pants..”) or to save an uncomfortable situation .. Or your own proverbial ass.. (“Wow, Dad, I have NO IDEA how that scratch got on the car! Must’ve been a shopping cart at Sobey’s!)

I can’t recall the first time I deliberately lied.. but I can recall a few… but, hey, wait.. this isn’t about me.. oh wait.. it IS isn’t it?

But I digress….

As a kid you tell little lies  that you THINK are going to fool your parents. (Sorry, kids… no one.. not even Danny Bonaduce or Gary Coleman in their hey days… is good enough actor to fool their mothers..)

I can remember trying to sneak cheese out of the house. Yeah, you read that right. I WAS HUNGRY OK?  Being the devious child that I was… I went into the house.. grabbed some sliced cheese… put it out on the FRONT porch and then went back out the back door.

Here is my faux pas.. instead of going to the front porch and EATING said cheese… I took it into the back yard.  (Oh, it was individually wrapped cheese slices.. that’s an important element to bring up..)

So. Me. Cheese.. Backyard.

I try to sneak cheese. My mother says “what do you have?”.. So I oh so casually take said cheese slice and put it in my pants and end up walking oddlyandmy mother finds the cheese. Trying too hard. Busted.

Ok, not a good example of how mothers know all.. but I’m trying to tell stories here.

I CAN tell you this. I can tell when most people are lying.. specifically my children.  They have “tells”. Certain things that they do that give them away.  But I cannot reveal them. Likely only Katy the daughter will read this, but on the off chance that Call of Duty, the PS2 and all television is off air, I cannot reveal the tells in case Josh the son reads this.

Here’s the thing….. most people don’t do it well. Why you ask?.. they overexplain.

Now, I will insert a story where, yes, I DID lie well. This may not paint me in the best light… but.. I’m going to share anyway.

After my marriage split I had the occasion to be asked out by a couple of guys and that was cool.. the no so cool part was they asked me out on the same night. (oh, maybe it’s that I said yes to both…)

I’m not proud of this .. but what happened was the one guy I was not -so-much-interested-in asked me out first. Then guy who I thought I was more interested in.. asked me out.

This is how this went down.. Long story short (which means it will get long….).. …. Met guy #1 at the bar and he brought his brother and various and sundry relatives to meet me. Oy vey. Hung out for a bit and then I got a “phone call” and I had to leave because my daughter was sick or something.. and I took off to meet boy number 2.  Boy number 1 thought (and rightfully so) that I was pulling an excuse. See? I over explained.

Don’t get me wrong.. boy number 1 was ok.. but I knew it wasn’t going anywhere (we had been on one date before) and .. boy number two was a guy I hadn’t seen in years, but the last time I did he was all body buildery hot and cute and shit. And in my mind, fun to talk to.

So… meet up with boy 2.

Now, not sure what happened to this guy, but options are as follows:  I may have had way too many brain injuries.  I may have been hammered drunk every time I saw this guy.. or…

He quit the ‘roids. Oh, and became stupid.

Got to the meeting place.  FASTEST BEER OF MY LIFE. (and those who know me, know I can drink fast)

Ok, I feel I must redeem myself here. I’m not a “looks” type of girl. I’m a brain girl. But.. compounded with … how shall I delicately put this…. IMMENSE WEIGHT GAIN.. coupled with the fact that talking to him was like talking to a piece of furniture only not as interesting….. yeah. Not so much. (please note that if he had been erudite and an excellent conversationalist I could have been swayed. I’ve never said “UM” so much in my life.  He, on the other hand, giggled inappropriately and suggested that we go make out in my truck. Really…?  REALLY??? uh, no)

So.. again. Fake phone call that my friend Jenn desperately needed my help and….. left. And went back to the first bar (my friends were there as well…saying that so as not to appear desperate)

Didn’t really care if boy 1 was there or not but figured I’d go say hi.

Found him. Making out with some chick.  I turned and walked.  But his brother saw me. I left and had fun with my friends.  No worries.

The next day I had a bunch of messages from boy number 1 apologizing.. figuring I was ditching him and that I had been making an excuse to leave and makes up some weird complicated story about the girl. Too much. Busted. (please disregard the fact that he had already busted me.. sorta)

What did I do? .. of course, played the innocent injured party and said “that’s okay, I hold no grudges” and equally magnanimous things and wished him well whilst making him feel oh so guilty..

My BFF Jodi upon hearing the story said “Way to take the high road by lying”….  I don’t care who you are.. that’s funny shit.

But.. I got away with it. I didn’t do “therapy” damage or anything..  Meh, Boy number 1 is likely better off. Boy number 2 likely got back on the ‘roids.

I recently ran into an acquaintance of mine who was with a “friend” and he then proceeded to waaaaaaay over explain why his wife was not accompanying him.. He walked away and all I said was “he’s doin’ her”… my friends were unsure.. until we saw the dirty dancing a little later in the evening.  Yeah, overexplained.

Point is.. if you really have to lie to save yours or anyone else’s asses.. or make conversation.. or just not get caught. Keep it simple.

And hide the cheese somewhere other than your pants…

p.s. Got my first hate mail today… LOL.  I was accused of being a man hater and that I thought all men were liars. (didn’t post in comments or I assure you I would have put that up. I may cut and paste..)  That said.. I honestly thought this was just some funny stories that didn’t paint ME in the best light. Oh well, dude wouldn’t have bought my book anyway. LMAO.  And please note that the preceding tale does not condone lying in any way, shape or form. 😉

Life: good. very good. I’m excited
Love: I’m a big fat liar.. no wonder I’m alone  *sob*
Pants: No cheese in them at this time

Are we proud to be Canadian.. or to drink it??

For the past couple of weeks, Olympic fever has gripped the world. And no country has been more in love with this Olympics than Canada.

After all, Vancouver hosted the event this year, so it stands to reason that Canadians would be full of pride.. and liquor.

This is my lucky friend Stephen who actually WENT to the Olympics. The outfits rivalled those at the bar..

I had the opportunity to catch some of the events.. not all.. missed the opening ceremonies, among other things.  However, I was able to catch the piece de resistance of the games.. the Gold Medal Hockey Final.  I was not fortunate enough to attend (Unlike my friend Stephen Ross… see photo) So the next best place to watch such an event.. Bobby O’Brien’s Irish Pub (@bobbyobriens on Twitter).

My partner in crime for this event was my lovely friend Meg (@meggroff).  We arranged to meet at Bobby’s just after the first period… found ourselves a table and sat back to enjoy the show.  Oh, and the hockey.

Apparently being a proud Canadian and supporter of the men’s Olympic hockey team involves beer.  Lots of beer. Oh, and that was just us.  I almost felt ashamed drinking my imported Stella… but I digress.

There were many in full “proud Canadian” gear.. and Meg and I chose to give them various names.  Our favourite was Captain Jesus Canada.. a shortish young gentleman who bore a strong resemblance to Christ and was outfitted in Canada jersey and the requisite Canada flag cape.  Captain Jesus would not walk around the bar, but rather run.. simulating the effect of flying.. his long locks and cape billowing in the ensuing breeze….

Another fave I named “Chantman”… again, a Canada jersey, hat et al… he stood at the bar and would attempt to entice the crowd to chant “WE BELIEVE! WE BELIEVE!”.. Which was a resounding failure for the most part.. until the shooters started flowing…

I haven’t read the “Hockey Fan Handbook”, but apparently to show your nationalistic pride, it’s appropriate to toast the team with various shots of Jager, Tequila or whatever shooter you prefer.  The prouder you are of Canada, the more shooters you consume.  (Meg and I may be verging on being traitors as we did not have any.)  The shooters provide the following positive effects:  louder cheering and chanting,  higher, harder high fives… louder screams of joy when Canada scored.. the notion that it’s appropriate to shake a beer and let it explode everywhere.. and of course the illusion that the players can actually HEAR you when you shout at the tv.

Many many others in Bobby’s were also in full Canada regalia and creating much people watching pleasure for my partner in crime and I… Indeed, it was THE place to be to watch grown men nearly cry like newborns when the US tied it up.

But, as we all know.. it was worth it.. Canada triumphed.  You have not witnessed true joy until you’ve seen one grown man (Captain Jesus) run across the bar and leap into another man’s arms (Chantman)… I almost wish I had recorded that moment so that I could play it back for you in slow motion with an appropriate swelling soundtrack….

All in all.. a very good time.. Canada won.. Meg and I witnessed much comedy, camaradarie and man love.. and there was beer. Oh, and wings.

Although we didn’t dress like it, we were, and are, proud to be Canadian and proud of our athletes.   And happy we weren’t the ones cleaning up the bar…….

Life: Fun
Love: I love Canada!
Pants: I wore jeans.

I’ve Devolved into a Hairy Chested Shirtless Man. (or why I suck at dating…)

A few posts back, I promised I’d update on the LOVE section. Oy vey.  This is a sad sad tale, my friends.. get out the tissues.

Soooooo…… as anyone who reads my rantings knows, I’m not very successful in the “love” department.  Well, I have HAD successful relationships, don’t get me wrong.. but just haven’t had one for a while.  Many things have influenced this sad state of affairs.. I don’t meet a lot of men my own age, for one.. but, just haven’t met anyone I’m truly interested in…

But I digress.

Recently I had a few incidents that shed much light under the proverbial bushel known as my love life..  As you are likely aware, yes, I attempted the online dating again.  *Sigh*

not the actual guy.

Needless to say, there were some interesting characters responding to my ad. Many of whom could not string together a simple sentence (hint: use verbs).. or were just generally of no interest to me.

I did chat online with a few fellows.. but nothing really progressed beyond that.. I even met a couple..

On one occasion, I had been chatting online with one guy and we realized that we had mutual friends .. and we oft times frequented the same establishments.. and this one particular evening we both showed up for a local blues jam in town.  I was out with my daughter Katy, and her friend Lisa.. and he came over to say hi when he recognized me.

At first he seemed nice enough.. despite the entire wardrobe made of denim and matching scarf… but as the evening progressed and he consumed even more alcohol, he just became.. well… obnoxious.

Aside from telling us how great he was, he felt compelled to tell us about his workout regimen and then proceeded to practically remove his shirt in the bar so that we could properly admire his abs.  This was not a pleasant site, as it appeared that he was wearing a brown sweater. He was not. ‘Nuff said.  I’m sure in different circumstances he’s a very nice man, but seriously, dude.. trying far too hard.

On another occasion, I started conversing with another guy online who was quite intelligent and well spoken, and reasonably entertaining.  However, then he kind of freaked me out.  He Googled me.  He found out my last name, requested my Facebook friendship.. and started reading this blog.  (He and I discussed this, I’m no longer freaked out.. but it seemed slightly creepy at the time. Duh. I forgot that if you hit “view profile” on the MSN that you can then see someone’s last name, etc.. I’m pretty. I don’t have to be smart.)

Regardless, at the time I was a little… well, freaked.  I felt cyber stalked (although a friend of mine recently said that cyber stalking is this century’s version of staring across the bar… well, kinda, but without creeping ALL their photos…).

The whole online thing wasn’t all negative though.. I did meet a very nice guy and we hung out a few times. Until he … disappeared.  I assume he found someone he liked more.. all good, my feelings aren’t hurt. I hope he’s doing well.  And that he’d finish that stupid Scrabble game we started on Facebook. (Oh, maybe that’s it.. I was KILLING him.. )

I also met another nice guy online… one night, we exchanged a couple of emails and then on the spur of the moment decided to meet for a drink.

Now, I am generally a fairly cautious individual in this regard. I like to chat online for a while to determine whether or not there will be some inkling of camaraderie.. some indication of good conversation.. because you just never know when someone may turn out to be a serial killer. After all, THEY LOOK LIKE US.. have we learned NOTHING from Dexter????

This impetuous meeting of course made me somewhat nervous…. I had to rush to get ready as I hadn’t showered all day.. and then I had.. the pants emergency.

I could not find my pants. My “good jeans”. I have many pairs of jeans, but most are too big (Please see “pants” portion of blog)… I really only have a couple of pair that look good on me.. after 20 minutes of searching, I called my daughter. Yes, my pants were in Kitchener.

Awesome.

So.. I put on one of my many skirts.. and feeling far too dressed up, went to meet my date for the drink.

He was cute. Quite good looking as a matter of fact.  And funny.. intelligent.. quite charming.. we seemed to have lots to talk about and got along fairly well, I thought..

The establishment we were at was closing.. so we went to another to continue our conversation.. all in all it was quite a fun night.  At the end of our time together, there was the usual.. ok, we’ll have to do this again type thing…

The next day, I text’d him.. and he responded.. all good.  Then.. me being the friendly type of course sent another text with something I found amusing later in the week.. and.. then I had a link I thought he might be interested in.. so I found him (at least I think it was him…) on Facebook and sent it.. and then another text re: something funny.. you’re getting the picture here.

I realize that there was no huge “Love Connection” or anything.. but figured he was a cool guy and I was just sending stuff like I’d send to any friend.. had hoped we could be friends and stuff… but.. yeah. I’m sometimes a little too intense.

I was discussing the hairy shirtless guy and the “cyber stalker” with someone and how I had felt uncomfortable, etc. And suddenly realized…

I was a hairy shirtless cyber stalker. Oh, and texter. (that’s TEXTER not DEXTER)

Thinking back to our evening together.. I was nervous.   Anxious. And.. thinking about it now.. likely obnoxious. I talk too much (you already knew that..) I’m loud, brash.. sometimes politically incorrect…..

First of all.. I was way overdressed for the occasion and in retrospect likely looked like I was trying WAY too hard (mind you, I dress like this often, but for this visit to the pub… yikes… )  Plus, I think I was pretty much like one of those 8 year olds trying to impress the adults… “LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!! WATCH ME WHILE I DO A BACKFLIP OFF THE HIGHDIVE!!”

Fuck. I’ve officially become pathetisad. FML. Usually, I only let the crazy out in little bits. Not this time, as I recall….

Hell, I was awful at dating when I was a kid. I SUCK AT IT.  I suppose I could blame the various head injuries,  combined with nerves, alcohol and the hope that he wasn’t a serial killer, or worse yet, a Jehovah’s Witness.. but still.. Really?  Ugh.  I have become what I despise most.  Seemingly desperate.

On a normal, regular basis.. I’m pretty relaxed.. pretty easygoing.. most think I’m a pretty cool chick (either that or they’re just humouring me.. wouldn’t be the first time I’m sure…)  I tend to have a self deprecating sense of humour and a healthy sense of the absurd combined with an overabundance of ironic wit and sarcasm.. Which, perhaps some don’t enjoy… but.. that’s who I am.  Only I was MORE SO on this particular occasion, methinks.  Apparently it’s because I’m an Aries..

Women born under this sign typically are more aggressive and forceful in getting the things that they want. Because of that, they can sometimes have problems in their romantic relationships. An Aries women is forever in the search for a ’real man’ who will be able to handle her. (or perhaps that should say “put up with me”.. LOL)

Regardless, I’m a “live and learn” type person.. everything happens for a reason, I’m wont to say.. So, I learned something.  Be myself.. stop overtrying.. stop texting the poor guy… oh, and wax my hairy, cyber stalking chest.

There may be plenty of fish.. but I think I’m out of the pond for a while.. 😉

Life: Things are good otherwise.
Love: Did you not READ the post?
Pants: I wore a skirt. See above.

Good Fish, Bad Fish

Pisces is the 12th sign of the Zodiac and is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. The two fish symbolize the internal struggle of the soul within a Pisces. Often, the fish are swimming away from each other in a circle representing life after death or reincarnation. Pisces is considered a feminine or negative sign. Feminine signs are considered more passive, receptive and sensitive than masculine/positive signs.

Pisces .. the fish..

Pisces are sensitive, humane and often idealistic. People born under this sign react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them. Rather than taking an analytical approach to life, pisces react to the feelings of others and as a result can be very influential when they choose to be. In the right situaltion a Pisces can be capable of incredible deeds. The positive nature of a Pisces and the fact that they are tuned into the feelings of others makes them socially popular.
No, I have not turned this  into a Horoscope site.

I have many Pisces in my life.. always have.. somehow I am drawn to the fish.. or related to them..   However, in this particular post I wanted to address three fish who happen to be having birthdays within the same week.. three people who are very important in my life..

My sister Lara celebrates her birthday on February 24th.. as that is the day that she was born. Lara is four years younger than me and we’ve generally always gotten along.  She is a lovely, kind, wonderful and attractive person.. She’s a great wife to her husband Joe and the amazing mother to three funny, intelligent and well behaved children.  She’s a marathon runner and an Occupational Therapist in her business life.  She’s pretty and smart and does NOT look like she’s had three children. For that, I am envious, however, she is a runner and I am relatively lazy. LOL.

I can remember being about 7 or 8 and Lara went “missing”.. My other sister Barb and I went to all the neighbours looking for her and came home crying when we couldn’t find her.  She was in the basement the entire time playing quietly and no one thought to look there. I remember a picture of Lara one Christmas when she was very young.. she looked like a doll sitting on a tiny couch.  She was an exceptionally pretty child with lovely blonde hair.

When Lara was about 17, she and her 2 friends and I made a trip to Niagara Falls and stayed in a hotel.  It was a tremendously fun trip… To this day, we’ve maintained that we went to wax museums and tourist attractions (well, we DID go to the Falls..) when in reality there was, perhaps, some underaged drinking in bars across the US border.  I’m 45. I think it’s a little late for my mother to ground me. I hope.

Lara and I have not lived in the same city for many years and I regret the fact that we are not closer.  I love her sense of humour, her desire to always make other people happy.. her willingness to help others whenever possible.. her giant heart and her sensitivity and compassion for everyone around her.  I think perhaps for her birthday I might like to actually spend some time alone with her. Oh wait.. that’s more of a gift for me than it is for her… LOL

Jennifer’s birthday is February 25th.  She calls me “the new mommy”.  This stems from 2 incidents.. one being an occasion when she was dating a young man and she discovered that he had a toddler… He became indignant when we were in the Santa Claus parade and he felt she hadn’t paid enough attention to his daughter.  My response was “what the hell were you supposed to do? Jump off the fuckin’ float, pick her up and swing her in the air and scream “I’M YOUR NEW MOMMY! I’M YOUR NEW MOMMY!!” ?”  Shortly after this, Jenn revealed that her dad had a tiny crush on me and we then proceeded to discuss that if I WERE to marry her father, I would be HER new mommy.. but I wouldn’t be picking her up or swinging her around..

Jennifer recently became a mother .. to the very beautiful Ayson.  She’s a natural mother.  And, as the “new mommy”.. my status has been upgraded to “new grandma”.. kinda.. I’m not wearing any orthopedic shoes anytime soon (no offence, Mother.)

Jenn and I have had many many adventures.. nearly being killed by a giant truck on Hwy 93 in Orr Lake… various concerts, misadventures at the Stampede Corral.. Oktoberfesting.. wine, crying, laughing, boy trouble, many secrets.. .. but mostly laughing.   I cherish her friendship.

Katy was born on February 20, 1990 and turned 20 this year.  It was a bit of a tough birthday for her as she had a lot of ups and downs during her birthday week.. But I can safely say that things are on the upswing.  I wrote a very long blog about my beautiful daughter last year on her birthday which you can read if you like.

Katy is smart and beautiful and funny.  She is everything a mother could hope for in a daughter.  She’s also one of my best friends.  And she deserves everything good in life. I know she’ll get it.

All three of these wonderful women are beautiful, talented, smart, funny, sensitive, passionate, empathetic and just amazing.   I am absolutely blessed to have them in my life.  I thank the Universe for them.  I am happy and grateful for their love.

Happy Birthday Lara.  Happy Birthday Jenn.  And Happy Birthday Katy.  I hope this is the best year yet.

Oh, the Good Fish/Bad Fish?  This is how Jenn describes Pisces… part good.. and a little part bad.. or maybe the better word is adventurous…  All I know is, I pretty much only see the good.  I love you all. Happy Birthday.

Life: An adventure every day!
Love: There’s a lot in my life.
Pants: I think I need to get some new ones.

Rumour has It…

Walking through the line at the grocery store I can’t help but be drawn to the magazines at the checkout..

You see all the celebrities and all their problems and stuff on the headlines of the mags, and you can’t help but wonder what is fact and what’s fiction..

Obviously, the REFUSING TO EAT headline is not about me..

Are Brad and Angelina DONE?

Is Brittany back on whatever the heck she was on? Is she CRAZZZZZZZY?

What about those poor Gosselin kids? Oprah’s weight? Nicole Richie’s weight? And what the heck is wrong with Lindsay Lohan? (other than the drugs and alcohol. Oh, and the crazy..)

Whatever.  Like I care. Yes, some rumours are based in truth… but seriously. Why on earth do people really care?

Because it gives them something to talk about other than their own mundane lives.

Which leads me to…….. rumours that I’ve run across about me in the last year through various sources…

Let me set ya straight..

1 – That I had moved to Nashville.  – Based in fact, but not quite true – Well.. yes, I talked to someone about possibly working with a company in Nashville, however it became painfully obvious that dude was not tremendously interested in my brain, but more so everything below it. Needless to say that once he sent me some “personal photos” I realized that this would not be a stellar career move. ‘Nuff said.

2 – That I was taking a gig in Florida.  – Partially true – I was offered a job working for a rap music label in Florida.  A lovely young “gangsta” offered me the gig as he “likes to surround himself with white people as the homies will rip you off.”  This did not happen for a variety of reasons.  Suffice to say that I hate rap music.

3 – Joining the UFC. – Based in fact – Ok, I just wrestled with some chick in a bar on a dare for some free drinks. Okay. That’s not true either. I made the whole thing up cuz I thought it sounded cool.

4 – I was getting engaged and moving out west.  – Based in fact – I was enraged at one point. And I was thinking of taking a trip to Edmonton to visit a friend. Does that count?

5 – Spent time in rehab. – False – Rehab is for quitters.

6 – I found Jesus – True – He was under the couch cushion with the remote.

7 – I was moving to KW – True. Sorta – Well,  I moved to St. Catharines and technically still live there. But I’m planning on moving to the K-dub ASAP.

8 – I’m pregnant. John Mayer is the father. – SO TOTALLY FALSE  – do you not read the blog?  And the closest I ever came to Mayer was sitting in his ass print once after Fernando worked with him one time and had to drive him around.

9 – I’m anorexic. – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Really? Really? LMAO

10 – I’m working on a plan for world domination. – True – Still finalizing my evil plot.

Life: Going well..
Love: Nothing to see here
Pants: Yeah, I got some.

New Beginnings

I’m not a sharer.

I know it seems strange for me to say that considering I’ve spent the last year chronicling my life on the internet.  But I’m really not.

I’m an excellent actress. Far more than most realize. Despite my outward appearance of joviality, I don’t share my feelings with many.. and not often. I sometimes push all my bad feelings down so that no one knows there are there except for me…. putting on the face of a permanently happy girl.  And to tell the truth, I am more happy than not.. but.. I’m babbling now…

photo by Heather Meyers Photography

What brought this on, you ask?  New Year’s Eve.  It is one of my least favourite holidays of the year.

It’s always been somewhat depressing for me.. it’s the end of Christmas, after all.  Time to leave that magical time behind, take down the tree and head back to work or school or what have you.  Depressing as all fuck.

I’ve never been one to revel in Auld Lang Syne and kiss a bunch of strangers…

I mean, I’ve had some good New Year’s Eves.. as a kid I remember trying to stay up till midnight and watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and dancing around.. as a teen there were a few parties.. as an adult, I often worked the night.  For years I DJ’d at the Owen Sound Greys Hockey dance… it was actually quite fun. My husband (at the time) Jamie and I would go up there.. I’d play tunes.. we’d dance… have some food and enjoy ourselves.

The big Y2K New Year’s was spent in Marathon, Ontario. It’s north.. very north.. near Thunder Bay. Hey, if the world’s going to end, might as well be in God’s country, right?  No, actually, Jamie was gigging .. what was supposed to be a huge party turned into about 40 people as many stayed home.. afraid of the impending doom.  We still had a great time..  afterward all of us went back to our hotel.. we were the ONLY people staying there.. not even any staff!! They just left the door of the Best Western open for us.. we stayed up a bit, had some drinks and had a blast.

A couple of years ago we just stayed home.. me, Katy and Josh, BFF Jodi, Alyssa (Katy’s BFF) and Katy’s boyfriend at the time.. we karaoke’d.. had some drinks and decided to go out and slide on the ice rink next door.. much hilarity ensued, as did some somewhat embarrassing photos (“we were outside?” said Jodi….) and soaked clothing from falling in the snow.. but it was fun.

However, most years I choose to lay low.. I’ve tried to go to the bar or the dance or what have you, but I find it a downer.

Which brings me to the sharing part..

Last year was the worst New Year’s of my life.  And unfortunately I let that colour much of the year.

I don’t want to go into detail… I’m saving that for the book, after all.. more on that later… but suffice to say, I was assaulted.  I’m fine. Really.  Finally.  Justice has been served. It’s all good. And no, other than that, I don’t want to talk about it.  It seemed a rather cruel joke by the Universe seeing as I had just suffered a year of moving, lost love and losing my job.  The ultimate capper to a horrible year.

Unfortunately, after this happened, I shut down and spent the better part of a month hiding in my house.  It was what I needed to do at the time.  Several very close and good friends helped me through it.  But it still affected me.  Of course.  I lost a lot of self confidence, self worth…. and chose to deal with it in not very constructive ways.. usually involving wine and crying.

However, the point of this is to not make everyone feel sorry for me.. because they shouldn’t.  I told you already.. It’s all good.

The point of this is that although it took me many months, I finally started turning things around.

This past year wasn’t a banner year.  But there were a lot of very good things that happened.  I made a lot of new friends.. many of them through social media channels.  I finally realized that what I want to be when I grow up .. is a writer.  I started writing a book.. not done yet.. but soon.  I reconnected with many people from my past who meant a lot to me.. Avril.. Wayne.. many many from high school…

Lost some people from my life as well.. some died.. some… I had to remove from my life for self preservation.

I fell in love this year.  No, I’m not telling you with whom.  But it didn’t.. and won’t.. work out.  He knows. And he loves me too and remains an important part of my life.  So it’s still a good thing.

I saw many concerts.. AC/DC, Bob Dylan, Springsteen.. to name a few.. things on the bucket list.. I had many people who loved me help me when things were really not good.. Jodi, Trevor.. my family.. even my ex-husband Jamie has been a wealth of support and friendship.  Yes, we are an unusual pair.

Despite the pain, I had a lot of laughter.  Many good times with friends.  I loved and enjoyed them all.

I did actually accomplish a few of my resolutions from last year.. so I believe that to be progress.  I’ve recently started an exciting new career adventure.. And my children continue to amuse me, amaze me and provide me with unconditional love.  They are two of the finest people I know.

What started so horribly has turned out quite well I think.  I can honestly say that I am actually happy … that’s taken me a long time to accomplish, truthfully.  But I am.  There’s always room for more happiness though.. and more laughter..  And I’ve learned the past helps shape who you are, but does not control your future.

My best Christmas gift this year was a card. It was from my parents.  In summary, it was to tell me how proud they are of me and how strong I am.  Best gift ever.

I’m actually looking forward to this New Year’s Eve. I am spending it surrounded by people I care about and who care about me.  It will be low key and quiet.  Which is just fine.

So if you are reading this.. you likely have affected my life whether you know it or not.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.  Thank you for being there for me.. you mean a lot to me..   My wish for you for 2010 is love, peace, happiness, contentment and much joy and laughter.

And I wish that for me, too.

Because 2010 is my year for a new beginning.  It’s the year of the Tiger. I’m going to grab the tiger by the tail…

Life: All good.
Love: I love you all very much.
Pants: Yes, I will be wearing pants this evening. Thanks for asking..

My First Boyfriend..

I received some very sad news yesterday.. a childhood friend had died.

Let me preface this by saying that there appears to have been many deaths in the last year.. but, after all, death is a part of life.  I’m at that age. *sigh* Forty freakin’ five after all.

But.. not intending this to be a sad post.

Stevie Gillie (as I knew him most of my life..) lived a court over. I lived in a court that had a little pathway between the next court.. he lived on the street at the end. On Robroy Ave.

Due to the close proximity (it was the 60’s.. yes I’m old.. and I was a wanderer as a child.) Somehow we became friends before kindergarten.  He was five days younger than me.

Stevie, Brian Larson and I hung out.. played .. and had fun. Stevie had a tree house. In that tree house were Playboy magazines which he stole from his Dad.. comic books…among other things.. Like, licorice. We’d ride our bikes up to Gold Door, the local variety store and I would spend all the money I had on string licorice, pop rocks, fun dip, mojos and the like and we’d take it back to the treehouse, read comics and pig out.

Memories of Stevie Gillie… holy. He was my first “boyfriend”.. we were five. He gave me a ring from a gum machine and told me he wanted to marry me. Mind you, previous to this he had wanted to marry Julie Deumo .. a “girly girl” (no offence Julie..) but she had long hair, wore dresses and didn’t like to get dirty.  I played dinky cars, had a bowl cut and could beat the crap out of any boy in the neighbourhood. Sorry. I’m still proud of that.  And, given the right motivation.. I still could.

His mom told him that I was a “better catch” than the “pretty” girls because I was fun and had a good personality (hopefully that doesn’t mean she thought I was ugly. LOL). I always remember him telling me that.

For my sixth birthday .. he gave me a tambourine. I have a picture of me with it.. but it’s in a storage unit in Cambridge.. I’m in a red velvet dress with a lace collar that my mom made… paper crown on my head, holding up my tambourine as if I’m a gypsy and Stevie is watching me…

I remember hanging in his basement listening to Frank Zappa and Cheech and Chong (he had an older sister.. yes.. totally inappropriate for younguns).. “DAVE’S NOT HERE!”… we were young and we still kinda got it.

He had hamsters. They creeped me out at the time.. maybe they were gerbils…

One time he and Brian and I dared each other to streak (thank you Ray Stevens..)  We hid in the bushes in his front yard.. took off our bathing suits..  and would take turns running through the yard (it was not a big yard.) Yeah.   We got caught. And all got grounded.

Stevie and Brian and I would play “Flintstones”.. we had these crazy pillars at the each end of the path between the courts.. a couple were falling apart. So we’d bang rocks together and we’d fight over who got to be Fred (did I tell you I was a Tomboy?)

Stevie, Brian and I got in a lot of trouble together.. but it was fun. I vividly remember playing “dinky cars” (most people call them hotwheels now, but I’m old) at Bryan’s house.. in sand…

Another time, Brian was getting beat up by a neighbourhood boy.. Walter (who apparently later went to jail, so he likely deserved this..) on Stevie’s front lawn. I jumped on Walters back and pulled out hunks of his hair till he got off Brian.. then I RAN home.. Walter never retaliated thankfully.. he was a lot bigger than me.

Steve always knew when it was time for him to go home because his father would come outside and emit this very loud whistle.  As someone who’s never learned to do the “hockey whistle” (apparently this is a thing they teach you at hockey camp…) I am envious of those who can do this.. but I digress..

Hi dad would come outside and whistle.. LOUDLY .. I’m not sure I can describe it in words, but at this moment, I can still hear it in my head.. “ooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooo”  I am really not sure how to type out a whistle.. Long, lower register note, long higher register note.. long lower register note.

Stevie knew that if he didn’t get home in a timely manner, he’d be in HUGE trouble. As I recall, his dad was not a man to trifle with.. LOL. I’m sure that this had to do with Steve being the youngest of five… wouldn’t your patience be a little worn by then?

He was a very good friend to me when we were young.. he stuck up for me, stuck by me.. another time 2 boys from “outside the hood” cornered the aforementioned Julie and I in the “prickle bushes” … Steve came along and got angry at them for picking on his friends.. and they ran away.

Oh!! this is a bad story.. when we were, of course, five.. Steve and I were playing with another boy in the neighbourhood.. Markie. (please note that in the Hammer, all young boys names had to end in “ie”.. some sort of city ordinance methinks)

Stevie and Markie pissed me right off and I went home. They followed me to try to placate me .. or perhaps tease me.. can’t recall.. so.. they wouldn’t leave. AND they were STANDING ON MY FENCE!!! (we had a white picket fence across the end of the driveway, yes, it was the 60s.)  So, I went into the house and brought out one of my dad’s shotguns. Thank freakin’ God, Jesus, Allah and Buddha.. my father never kept ammo in the house.

I was like one of the Beverly Hillbillies telling them to get off my land. They laughed at me. Then they left. I am eternally grateful that that instance did not end in tragedy.

When we were older, we’d play crazy hide and seek games that spanned several blocks… good times.

Grade 3. I skipped.. so. Dynamics change. You hang out with different people. Stevie and I were still friends.. but we didn’t hang out as much anymore.

One time Brian’s family was having a party and Stevie, Brian and I hung out in the court and drank Coke with aspirin because older kids told us it would make you high.. yeah, not so much.

Long story short (that is a warning that it may not get shorter..)  we didn’t see each other much in high school.  We’d say hi and all but.. we hung out with different people.

After a while, we lost touch.  Only reconnected about 6 months ago on Facebook.  We used the chat feature to catch up with one another.. he was going through a separation, had 3 great kids and had been living in British Columbia for years.  It was great getting to know him again.

And then last Friday, he died of a heart attack. Poor guy.

At least we reconnected and shared some great stories.  He was an important part of my childhood.  But he’s left many people with a lot of great memories.  He was a good guy. And for a 5 year old, he was a pretty good boyfriend. In fact, few have been able to measure up to him.

Goodbye Stevie Gillie. You’ll be missed.