Tag Archives: humour

Good Fish, Bad Fish

Pisces is the 12th sign of the Zodiac and is represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. The two fish symbolize the internal struggle of the soul within a Pisces. Often, the fish are swimming away from each other in a circle representing life after death or reincarnation. Pisces is considered a feminine or negative sign. Feminine signs are considered more passive, receptive and sensitive than masculine/positive signs.

Pisces .. the fish..

Pisces are sensitive, humane and often idealistic. People born under this sign react emotionally to everything making them compassionate and sensitive to those around them. Rather than taking an analytical approach to life, pisces react to the feelings of others and as a result can be very influential when they choose to be. In the right situaltion a Pisces can be capable of incredible deeds. The positive nature of a Pisces and the fact that they are tuned into the feelings of others makes them socially popular.
No, I have not turned this  into a Horoscope site.

I have many Pisces in my life.. always have.. somehow I am drawn to the fish.. or related to them..   However, in this particular post I wanted to address three fish who happen to be having birthdays within the same week.. three people who are very important in my life..

My sister Lara celebrates her birthday on February 24th.. as that is the day that she was born. Lara is four years younger than me and we’ve generally always gotten along.  She is a lovely, kind, wonderful and attractive person.. She’s a great wife to her husband Joe and the amazing mother to three funny, intelligent and well behaved children.  She’s a marathon runner and an Occupational Therapist in her business life.  She’s pretty and smart and does NOT look like she’s had three children. For that, I am envious, however, she is a runner and I am relatively lazy. LOL.

I can remember being about 7 or 8 and Lara went “missing”.. My other sister Barb and I went to all the neighbours looking for her and came home crying when we couldn’t find her.  She was in the basement the entire time playing quietly and no one thought to look there. I remember a picture of Lara one Christmas when she was very young.. she looked like a doll sitting on a tiny couch.  She was an exceptionally pretty child with lovely blonde hair.

When Lara was about 17, she and her 2 friends and I made a trip to Niagara Falls and stayed in a hotel.  It was a tremendously fun trip… To this day, we’ve maintained that we went to wax museums and tourist attractions (well, we DID go to the Falls..) when in reality there was, perhaps, some underaged drinking in bars across the US border.  I’m 45. I think it’s a little late for my mother to ground me. I hope.

Lara and I have not lived in the same city for many years and I regret the fact that we are not closer.  I love her sense of humour, her desire to always make other people happy.. her willingness to help others whenever possible.. her giant heart and her sensitivity and compassion for everyone around her.  I think perhaps for her birthday I might like to actually spend some time alone with her. Oh wait.. that’s more of a gift for me than it is for her… LOL

Jennifer’s birthday is February 25th.  She calls me “the new mommy”.  This stems from 2 incidents.. one being an occasion when she was dating a young man and she discovered that he had a toddler… He became indignant when we were in the Santa Claus parade and he felt she hadn’t paid enough attention to his daughter.  My response was “what the hell were you supposed to do? Jump off the fuckin’ float, pick her up and swing her in the air and scream “I’M YOUR NEW MOMMY! I’M YOUR NEW MOMMY!!” ?”  Shortly after this, Jenn revealed that her dad had a tiny crush on me and we then proceeded to discuss that if I WERE to marry her father, I would be HER new mommy.. but I wouldn’t be picking her up or swinging her around..

Jennifer recently became a mother .. to the very beautiful Ayson.  She’s a natural mother.  And, as the “new mommy”.. my status has been upgraded to “new grandma”.. kinda.. I’m not wearing any orthopedic shoes anytime soon (no offence, Mother.)

Jenn and I have had many many adventures.. nearly being killed by a giant truck on Hwy 93 in Orr Lake… various concerts, misadventures at the Stampede Corral.. Oktoberfesting.. wine, crying, laughing, boy trouble, many secrets.. .. but mostly laughing.   I cherish her friendship.

Katy was born on February 20, 1990 and turned 20 this year.  It was a bit of a tough birthday for her as she had a lot of ups and downs during her birthday week.. But I can safely say that things are on the upswing.  I wrote a very long blog about my beautiful daughter last year on her birthday which you can read if you like.

Katy is smart and beautiful and funny.  She is everything a mother could hope for in a daughter.  She’s also one of my best friends.  And she deserves everything good in life. I know she’ll get it.

All three of these wonderful women are beautiful, talented, smart, funny, sensitive, passionate, empathetic and just amazing.   I am absolutely blessed to have them in my life.  I thank the Universe for them.  I am happy and grateful for their love.

Happy Birthday Lara.  Happy Birthday Jenn.  And Happy Birthday Katy.  I hope this is the best year yet.

Oh, the Good Fish/Bad Fish?  This is how Jenn describes Pisces… part good.. and a little part bad.. or maybe the better word is adventurous…  All I know is, I pretty much only see the good.  I love you all. Happy Birthday.

Life: An adventure every day!
Love: There’s a lot in my life.
Pants: I think I need to get some new ones.
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Birds of A Feather..

Those who know me, know I’m a big fan of the social media.  I enjoyed the MySpace, then moved on to the Facebook.. I also enjoy MSN on a very regular basis.. and in the last year or so became a “Twitterer”.  Yes, I tweet. Often. Sometimes with disregard to others. That is usually when I’ve had a couple bevvies, mind you… but I digress..

I rarely use fuckin’ profanity on the Twitter. Why? Well.. some business type folks (and some clergy, go figure..) follow me and I don’t want to be horribly offensive.. after all, that’s what the blog is for.. regardless…

For those of you who don’t “tweet” I felt compelled to share some of my ramblings.. just some highlights.. (yes yes this is another way of saying that I’ve been lazy…….. so sue me.)


I refer to Valentine’s Day as “Singles Awareness Day”    2:04 PM Feb 2nd   via TweetDeck

@steffer1 perhaps we should organize a tweetup for all our single friends…. LOL Everyone wears black.    2:16 PM Feb 2nd   via TweetDeck  in reply to steffer1

Another day, another Facebook friend request from someone I don’t know… *delete*    10:27 AM Feb 3rd   via TweetDeck

Annoyed. Had a parking ticket for parking where I was told to park. Yeah, we’ll be fighting this.    12:41 PM Feb 3rd   via TweetDeck

Sooooo… just why would anyone WANT their own Nick Lachey? #daytimetvsucks    1:56 PM Feb 3rd   via TweetDeck

@meggroff and here I thought you were just going to continue with “pantless day” and “do resumes drunk day”    9:58 AM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to meggroff

@meggroff my fave part of your resume is where you listed “kickin’ it old skool” & “pounding back a 40 w/ my homies” under “special skillz”    10:22 AM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to meggroff

@meggroff Perhaps if you offered to share. Just sayin’. Or maybe if you took “stickin’ it to the man” out from under “hobbies”    10:55 AM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to meggroff

Frosted flakes are pretty delicious.    12:34 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

Dear @billgates my MSN is not working. Please fix it. Thankssomuch. Love, Beth    7:00 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

hint: if you have the “let people know what I’m listening to” thing on your msn.. make sure that it doesn’t show Demi Lovato if you are 40    9:00 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

i wish I had crackers    9:18 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

I was wondering if I’d ever marry again. I will marry again if it’s legal to marry food product in ON. I LOVE YOU MELTED CHEESE!    10:04 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

do you ever wanna just slide your fingers one space over so that people think you are typing in another language?    10:06 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

GWT AI GIQ;A UA FIUBF U RGUBJF TIY EIXJ    10:07 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

@SarahRobinson it was delicious. I love food. Can I legally marry food? or Ikea?    10:11 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to SarahRobinson

@SarahRobinson I can hardly wait to be Mrs Grilled Cheese. now the break up btwn me and the Hamburglar makes sense…..    10:18 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to SarahRobinson

@JamesAWoods @SarahRobinson I’ve been to Texas. Love it. they have beef and large things. I’m in ..   10:20 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck  in reply to JamesAWoods

I’m going to bed. Mocha the wonderdog is going with me. so she will not be answering any DMs    10:44 PM Feb 4th   via TweetDeck

I’m really hoping @badwebsites is working out right now.. need him to be all buff for the reunion. Oh. It’s in May.. not June.    1:38 AM Feb 6th   via TweetDeck

Booooo. Worst part about the SuperBowl is that we don’t get to see the cool commercials. #OhCanada    8:12 PM Feb 7th   via TweetDeck

I would be really interested to see if hits dropped significantly on Porn sites during the SuperBowl. #justsayin    9:46 PM Feb 7th   via TweetDeck

@tw_i_tt_e_r Unfortunately, I’ve made a habit of dating men with bad hair. Last guy looked like a homeless dude….    7:18 AM Feb 8th   via TweetDeck  in reply to tw_i_tt_e_r

“Mom, I know your heart is black and cold, but quit making fun of people just trying to find love”.. DD to me Re: the Bachelor …    8:54 AM Feb 8th   via TweetDeck

Hey! Baby mamas on Maury!! Here’s a thought… birth control! THEN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO CHASE THESE GUYS DOWN… #justsayin    9:04 AM Feb 8th   via TweetDeck

Maury should give out giants gift baskets of condoms to the guys on his show….    9:09 AM Feb 8th   via TweetDeck


Guten morgan. (Feeling kinda German being in the K-dub and all….)    7:57 AM Feb 10th   via TweetDeck

I love it when you get an unexpected call from someone you love and haven’t talked to ages… #sofartodayisexcellent    9:17 AM Feb 10th   via TweetDeck

Today: ass kicking, soup making, build-a-bear, work, coffee drinking, more ass kicking, chat with the HS Vice Principal…. I need a drink.    5:52 PM Feb 10th   via TweetDeck

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… you can put Montreal Steak Spice on ANYTHING and it makes it good…    6:46 PM Feb 10th   via TweetDeck

I’ve decided to become a crazy cat lady… I got the crazy part down..     4:25 PM Feb 11th   via TweetDeck

Got myself a free steak dinner. It was not hot, but free.    8:18 PM Feb 11th   via TweetDeck

I apparently have coined a new phrase “I will fist bump you in the face”.. all the kids are saying it…    1:29 PM Feb 12th   via TweetDeck

Although I appreciate short forms, if you msn or text me and use ALL of them, I think you are illiterate. #justsayin    11:30 PM Feb 13th   via TweetDeck

Unlike the rest of you, I am celebrating “Singles Awareness Day”….    10:44 AM Feb 14th   via TweetDeck

@badwebsites LOL .. no flowers, the only chocolate I got was “free with purchase” at Victoria’s Secret.. however, I did get some VD beer…    7:21 PM Feb 15th   via TweetDeck  in reply to badwebsites

Does it count if you give up abstinence for Lent?    4:51 PM Feb 16th   via TweetDeck

DD making a pic of me on the computer. Son says “you look like a 5 star hooker”. Apparently it was a compliment….    7:08 PM Feb 16th   via TweetDeck

Yes, I know. “Way to cut and paste!” Well, if you want the live action .. follow me on Twitter. @beth_warren.  I’m reasonably amusing.

Life: All good
Love: Move along. Nothing to see here (YES, there will be a dating update soon. Promise)
Pants: I really want to make a reference to “pants on the ground” but that’s Sooooooo over

Rumour has It…

Walking through the line at the grocery store I can’t help but be drawn to the magazines at the checkout..

You see all the celebrities and all their problems and stuff on the headlines of the mags, and you can’t help but wonder what is fact and what’s fiction..

Obviously, the REFUSING TO EAT headline is not about me..

Are Brad and Angelina DONE?

Is Brittany back on whatever the heck she was on? Is she CRAZZZZZZZY?

What about those poor Gosselin kids? Oprah’s weight? Nicole Richie’s weight? And what the heck is wrong with Lindsay Lohan? (other than the drugs and alcohol. Oh, and the crazy..)

Whatever.  Like I care. Yes, some rumours are based in truth… but seriously. Why on earth do people really care?

Because it gives them something to talk about other than their own mundane lives.

Which leads me to…….. rumours that I’ve run across about me in the last year through various sources…

Let me set ya straight..

1 – That I had moved to Nashville.  – Based in fact, but not quite true – Well.. yes, I talked to someone about possibly working with a company in Nashville, however it became painfully obvious that dude was not tremendously interested in my brain, but more so everything below it. Needless to say that once he sent me some “personal photos” I realized that this would not be a stellar career move. ‘Nuff said.

2 – That I was taking a gig in Florida.  – Partially true – I was offered a job working for a rap music label in Florida.  A lovely young “gangsta” offered me the gig as he “likes to surround himself with white people as the homies will rip you off.”  This did not happen for a variety of reasons.  Suffice to say that I hate rap music.

3 – Joining the UFC. – Based in fact – Ok, I just wrestled with some chick in a bar on a dare for some free drinks. Okay. That’s not true either. I made the whole thing up cuz I thought it sounded cool.

4 – I was getting engaged and moving out west.  – Based in fact – I was enraged at one point. And I was thinking of taking a trip to Edmonton to visit a friend. Does that count?

5 – Spent time in rehab. – False – Rehab is for quitters.

6 – I found Jesus – True – He was under the couch cushion with the remote.

7 – I was moving to KW – True. Sorta – Well,  I moved to St. Catharines and technically still live there. But I’m planning on moving to the K-dub ASAP.

8 – I’m pregnant. John Mayer is the father. – SO TOTALLY FALSE  – do you not read the blog?  And the closest I ever came to Mayer was sitting in his ass print once after Fernando worked with him one time and had to drive him around.

9 – I’m anorexic. – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Really? Really? LMAO

10 – I’m working on a plan for world domination. – True – Still finalizing my evil plot.

Life: Going well..
Love: Nothing to see here
Pants: Yeah, I got some.

Another Quiz because I’m too Lazy to Think of Anything..

Okay, maybe not LAZY per se.. but I did get this via email and thought I’d do this as I’m having a bit of a hard time thinking of hilarious things lately (but just wait.. you know I’ll think of something eventually..) It’s mostly due to my ongoing plans for world domination. It’s difficult to be ever so enchanting and amusing when you are struggling with how to overthrow world powers.. and what to wear.. but I digress..
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My Granny.. Mary Elizabeth. But I’m Beth, not Liz. If you call me Liz or Elizabeth I likely will not respond.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I can’t recall to tell the truth. I’m a rock. LOL. ummm… likely was being slightly hormonal and shed a tear at something silly.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I mostly print, but yes, when I’m not being sloppy, my handwriting is quite nice, thanks.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Likely turkey, but I like many

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Two.. Katy (nearly 20) and Josh (140

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes.  I’m a pretty good partner in crime.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Is that a rhetorical question?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Nope.  No adnoids either.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I’ll pass. Jumped off a 40 foot board as a teen and my ears popped. Hard. Not fun.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Hmmm.. I like Cheerios, Corn Flakes, Special K (my sister and I used to tell people my grandfather invented it and that the K really stood for KUBILIUS.. our birth name)

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Not often

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Physically: yes, though not as much as I’d like to be.  Emotionally: yes and no.  Sometimes I am analytical and stoical, sometimes I can be as unstable as a bag of rats in a meth lab….

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE
Eyes, personality.. smile.. teeth (or lack thereof)

14. RED OR PINK?
Red. Always Red.  Everything in my purse is red, as is my phone, car, bedding.. you name it..

15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My self-doubt. My lack of willpower.. LOL

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST
All of the people I don’t see nearly often enough..

17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Who said I was wearing pants? 😉

18.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE
Chicken and Salad

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The Beatles White Album

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE?
Red. Dark Red.

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Vanilla, fabric softener, fresh smells, citrusy.. outdoors.. a campfire burning, babies.  (I re-read that, and I hope you please note that there is a comma in there. I do not condone the burning of babies, small animals or trash for that matter..)

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Katy

23. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Yes, a friend from long ago.  🙂

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football.

25. HAIR COLOUR?
Black. Although it has been known to be various shades of brown and red.

26. EYE COLOR?
Hazel.. but depending on the light, what I’m wearing and if I’ve cried.. brown or greenish

27.  FAVORITE FOOD?
All of it.  Steak, shrimp.. barbequed meat is number one with me.

28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy. Funny movies please.. life is depressing enough without horror films or having to listen to Coldplay.

29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
uh… Shawshank Redemption.. again.

30. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black

34.  FAVORITE DESSERT?
chocolate mousse perhaps.. cheesecake

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Story of You

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It is black like my heart.

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
Nada. Wasn’t home.

38. FAVORITE SOUND?
hmmm.. laughter

39. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles

40. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Germany..  and South America

41. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Does being a smartass count?

42. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
St. Joseph’s Hospital, Hamilton Ontario.

Life: going well
Love: do you realize how much I regret calling the blog “Life Love and Pants”..?  Each time I must think of something amusing to indicate my lack of love life. But honestly, I’m not bitter.. LOL
Pants: Did I say I was wearing pants? 😉

New Beginnings

I’m not a sharer.

I know it seems strange for me to say that considering I’ve spent the last year chronicling my life on the internet.  But I’m really not.

I’m an excellent actress. Far more than most realize. Despite my outward appearance of joviality, I don’t share my feelings with many.. and not often. I sometimes push all my bad feelings down so that no one knows there are there except for me…. putting on the face of a permanently happy girl.  And to tell the truth, I am more happy than not.. but.. I’m babbling now…

photo by Heather Meyers Photography

What brought this on, you ask?  New Year’s Eve.  It is one of my least favourite holidays of the year.

It’s always been somewhat depressing for me.. it’s the end of Christmas, after all.  Time to leave that magical time behind, take down the tree and head back to work or school or what have you.  Depressing as all fuck.

I’ve never been one to revel in Auld Lang Syne and kiss a bunch of strangers…

I mean, I’ve had some good New Year’s Eves.. as a kid I remember trying to stay up till midnight and watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and dancing around.. as a teen there were a few parties.. as an adult, I often worked the night.  For years I DJ’d at the Owen Sound Greys Hockey dance… it was actually quite fun. My husband (at the time) Jamie and I would go up there.. I’d play tunes.. we’d dance… have some food and enjoy ourselves.

The big Y2K New Year’s was spent in Marathon, Ontario. It’s north.. very north.. near Thunder Bay. Hey, if the world’s going to end, might as well be in God’s country, right?  No, actually, Jamie was gigging .. what was supposed to be a huge party turned into about 40 people as many stayed home.. afraid of the impending doom.  We still had a great time..  afterward all of us went back to our hotel.. we were the ONLY people staying there.. not even any staff!! They just left the door of the Best Western open for us.. we stayed up a bit, had some drinks and had a blast.

A couple of years ago we just stayed home.. me, Katy and Josh, BFF Jodi, Alyssa (Katy’s BFF) and Katy’s boyfriend at the time.. we karaoke’d.. had some drinks and decided to go out and slide on the ice rink next door.. much hilarity ensued, as did some somewhat embarrassing photos (“we were outside?” said Jodi….) and soaked clothing from falling in the snow.. but it was fun.

However, most years I choose to lay low.. I’ve tried to go to the bar or the dance or what have you, but I find it a downer.

Which brings me to the sharing part..

Last year was the worst New Year’s of my life.  And unfortunately I let that colour much of the year.

I don’t want to go into detail… I’m saving that for the book, after all.. more on that later… but suffice to say, I was assaulted.  I’m fine. Really.  Finally.  Justice has been served. It’s all good. And no, other than that, I don’t want to talk about it.  It seemed a rather cruel joke by the Universe seeing as I had just suffered a year of moving, lost love and losing my job.  The ultimate capper to a horrible year.

Unfortunately, after this happened, I shut down and spent the better part of a month hiding in my house.  It was what I needed to do at the time.  Several very close and good friends helped me through it.  But it still affected me.  Of course.  I lost a lot of self confidence, self worth…. and chose to deal with it in not very constructive ways.. usually involving wine and crying.

However, the point of this is to not make everyone feel sorry for me.. because they shouldn’t.  I told you already.. It’s all good.

The point of this is that although it took me many months, I finally started turning things around.

This past year wasn’t a banner year.  But there were a lot of very good things that happened.  I made a lot of new friends.. many of them through social media channels.  I finally realized that what I want to be when I grow up .. is a writer.  I started writing a book.. not done yet.. but soon.  I reconnected with many people from my past who meant a lot to me.. Avril.. Wayne.. many many from high school…

Lost some people from my life as well.. some died.. some… I had to remove from my life for self preservation.

I fell in love this year.  No, I’m not telling you with whom.  But it didn’t.. and won’t.. work out.  He knows. And he loves me too and remains an important part of my life.  So it’s still a good thing.

I saw many concerts.. AC/DC, Bob Dylan, Springsteen.. to name a few.. things on the bucket list.. I had many people who loved me help me when things were really not good.. Jodi, Trevor.. my family.. even my ex-husband Jamie has been a wealth of support and friendship.  Yes, we are an unusual pair.

Despite the pain, I had a lot of laughter.  Many good times with friends.  I loved and enjoyed them all.

I did actually accomplish a few of my resolutions from last year.. so I believe that to be progress.  I’ve recently started an exciting new career adventure.. And my children continue to amuse me, amaze me and provide me with unconditional love.  They are two of the finest people I know.

What started so horribly has turned out quite well I think.  I can honestly say that I am actually happy … that’s taken me a long time to accomplish, truthfully.  But I am.  There’s always room for more happiness though.. and more laughter..  And I’ve learned the past helps shape who you are, but does not control your future.

My best Christmas gift this year was a card. It was from my parents.  In summary, it was to tell me how proud they are of me and how strong I am.  Best gift ever.

I’m actually looking forward to this New Year’s Eve. I am spending it surrounded by people I care about and who care about me.  It will be low key and quiet.  Which is just fine.

So if you are reading this.. you likely have affected my life whether you know it or not.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.  Thank you for being there for me.. you mean a lot to me..   My wish for you for 2010 is love, peace, happiness, contentment and much joy and laughter.

And I wish that for me, too.

Because 2010 is my year for a new beginning.  It’s the year of the Tiger. I’m going to grab the tiger by the tail…

Life: All good.
Love: I love you all very much.
Pants: Yes, I will be wearing pants this evening. Thanks for asking..

I Believe in Santa Claus

It’s that time of the year.. sleigh bells ringing, children laughing, snow is falling..

But I’m just not into it this year. Just not feeling Christmassy (yes, that is a word.. I am a Wordsmith..)

Usually I’ve purchased everything and have mountains of presents under the tree by this point in time.. but, this year.. just not feeling it.

There was a time when I’d make pajamas for my kids and all the neices and nephews.. one year I made them all teddy bears.. Over  the years – back when I was Martha freakin’ Stewart — I used to can salsa, make marmalade, hot pepper jelly, caramel corn, wine and chocolatey delights and make gift baskets for everyone.  I’ve also been known to quilt things, make ceramics, fashion some stained glass pieces, and make other forms of art.

This year…. nada. In fact, I’ve only purchased one gift.. for my ex-husband, strangely enough.

It got me to thinking why I wasn’t so “into it” this year.. maybe it’s because I don’t have my own little house to decorate. Money is certainly a consideration..

When I was young, I began being excited as soon as the Sears Wish Book came out.. circling the Barbie houses and cars and other fabulous toys that I desired. December 1st the Christmas countdown would begin.. and so would my snooping.

Every Thursday night, my parents bowled and we would be babysat by a lovely girl named Valley.. a pretty girl, but with terrible acne as I recall.. poor thing.  I’m pretty sure that she thought I was the best kid in the world to babysit as I’d stay upstairs playing all night.

Unbeknownst to her, I was in my parents bedroom closet, opening their suitcases.. where they had hidden all the Santa gifts.  I’d carefully take all the Barbies out of their boxes, play with them.. then put them back into the boxes before my parents got home.  Mind you, my Thursday night ritual came to a halt when one of the neighbourhood kids went home crying after I told her there wasn’t any Santa and your parents bought all the gifts.  Never could keep my mouth shut.

Even knowing exactly what I was getting for Christmas didn’t spoil it for me… I’d still be up at about 4am… MAKING my sister Barb get up with me (How on EARTH could she STILL be sleeping???)  Sneaking downstairs to get first look at our gifts…

One year.. when I still believed in the Jolly Old Elf.. I decided that the display of gifts wasn’t quite equitable and moved some things around.. or more correctly.. helped myself to a few of the things my sisters were to get and put them in my pile (Our Santa didn’t wrap gifts..) The next morning my mother assured me that the things I had moved were for my sisters. #FAIL.  HOW did she KNOW?? I remember thinking..

My sisters and I .. Christmas in Pembroke 1979

hmmm…

When my children were small, I WAS Santa Claus.. shopping for the many gifts, hiding, wrapping..   Katy was about 9 when she stopped believing but maintained she still did.. which kind of had me worried.  Finally I figured out that she thought if she admitted not believing, she wouldn’t get gifts..

Of course, then there are always the Santa questions.. like, why do some kids not get anything from Santa?  I explained to Katy that the parents had to pay for the gifts.. Santa couldn’t afford to just give away stuff anymore.. what with the economy and all.

Having so many great Christmases, I’ve found it odd that I’m not so inspired this year.. until today.

I was out walking the dogs, as is my habit… and it was quite icy out.  And,  despite the salt spread on the path in the park close by, it was slippery.  I was heading back when we passed an old woman who was walking slowly down the walkway.. and as we went further up the path I heard her yell out..

She had slipped and fallen on the small hill at the bottom and was in a heap on the sidewalk.

I turned back with the dogs .. hooked them onto a post and struggled to help her up… but she was hurt.. and a little heavier than me.. so it was difficult.

A passing motorist noticed me trying to help her and he stopped.. and another car stopped as well.

This nice man, who appeared to be on his way to work, helped me get her to her feet.. and then he offered to drive her wherever she wanted so she’d avoid falling again.  She appreciated the help and said yes, she’d take a ride home as she appeared to have hurt her ankle.

She thanked us both profusely, “god blessed us” .. and wished me a very happy Christmas.  And her new friend gave her a ride as I walked back home.

Which makes me believe again.. in the kindness of strangers.. that two people in cars stopped to help.  In the spirit of the season… the joy, the love, the caring.

Because,  really.. isn’t that what Santa is all about?

Life: Things are going well
Love: I really do love Christmas.. I know I’ll feel more into it soon..
Pants: all too big.. better put that on my “wish list”

Sign, Sign.. Everywhere a Sign..

I’m a great believer in “signs”.

In all seriousness.. there are times when I am pondering something.. a problem, a situation… and I will ask the Universe to send me a sign.  It could be a song on the radio.. an object.. or a literal sign.. like a poster or something.

I’ve seriously had situations where I’ve say, been thinking about a personal situation and asked for an indicator.. and suddenly, in front of me,  the person I’m thinking about’s name plastered on the side of a truck or something.

Or I’ll be in the car and worried and ask for a song as a sign that perhaps I shouldn’t give up hope.. or something to point me in the right direction.. and a specific song will come on..

Now, I have some friends who mock me for this.. and they can all they want.. their prerogative and all.. and yes, I’m a little crazy (but hey, I just let the crazy out in little bits…) But, with the songs for example, I will “ask” for very specific songs, or a particular artist.  Recently I was pondering something and a “special” song came on the radio.. it’s an album cut so it’s not likely to be heard often.

Within a couple of days I heard that song.. ON THE RADIO.. 3 times.  And on different stations. Very odd indeed.

I’ve also found random objects.. and of course, there’s my license plate obsession.

On more than one occasion I’ve been driving along and asked for a “sign”.. and then run across a license plate that held a special message for me… One day I went to a mall that I don’t usually frequent.. thinking about a problem.. and in my head asking for a sign/solution/guidance… what have you.. I pulled into a random parking space .. and the car in front of me had the license plate UNSTUCK. Well, that word speaks to me.. I’ve had many discussions with a couple of friends about being “Stuck”.. not being able to move forward in some areas of life.. and we all agree it’s up to the individual to get themselves “UNSTUCK”.. I have taken that as a sign to get my ass moving…

I was out for a walk the other day and came to a realization about a situation.. right afterward, a car drove by with the license plate “EPIPHANY”. Like, seriously, what are the chances?

So.. keeping this in mind..

My daughter and I see this one guy EVERYWHERE.  He has a pretty distinctive “look”.. earrings, a goatee, wears a hat.. usually dressed in black.. looks like a band guy.

We first ran into him at a bar downtown.. then we’d see him at another place we’d pop into on occasion.. then riding his bike (yes, I realize that if people kinda live in the same area, you’re bound to run into one another.. but still..).. then another place we went for dinner.. and another and another.

Katy and I stopped for a beer at Ethel’s on Friday night.. and in he walks… sits right behind us with his book and his beer.. and sat there reading.  I was seriously contemplating that perhaps he was stalking.. I mean, how often do you run into the same person over and over?

A couple nights later, we decided to pop into the Boathouse for a pint… we’re sitting there and in he walks again!! This was getting a little too weird..   Katy, (please note that there was some liquid courage involved).. decides that THIS IS A SIGN. Maybe, we are supposed to be friends with this dude.. maybe he’s super cool and we should hang with him…????

We watched him head out for a smoke and she decided we should follow him.. he was with a couple of other people.. so she waited for a break in the conversation ….  She said hi, introduced herself and explained that we keep seeing him all over town.. he replied that yes, he’d noticed us too.. particularly a few nights earlier at Ethel’s… he was apparently admiring my jacket.

We then proceeded to have an incredibly inane conversation.  Ok, I’m being harsh. But.. yeah, dude was no where near as cool as we had built him up to be.. he had the look going on, but he was pretty boring and monosyllabic.  He wasn’t a musician (I can’t remember what he said he did..) seemed nice enough.. but.. whattayagonnado…?  The conversation was not scintillating. We were kind of disappointed, to tell the truth.

As we left that night, Katy exclaimed “YEAH. That TOTALLY was not a sign! Plus, now when we see him we might have to hang with him…” LMAO.  Well, at least we made a new beer buddy.

As for my signs.. I’ll stick to hearing them on the radio… 😉

Life: Things are going well… thanks for asking
Love: My horoscope claims that things are going to “heat up”.. .hmmm
Pants: I hope I get new pants for Christmas as pretty much every pair I own are too big. I’m not complaining though…