Tag Archives: humor

this is why, this is why.. i suck

Well.

It’s been a while.  I know. ugh. Nearly over three months.

oy vey.

Here’s the thing….

I started a bunch of posts and didn’t finish them because …… well…. some excuse.

A lot has been going on.  Like, LOTS.

Tons. Oodles. Many adventures.

So, you would think I would be writing all this stuff down, now, wouldn’t ya?  Well, apparently not.

One thing I did not do over the last 3 months is watch or read anything Twilight. I know nothing about it other than it's about vampires and girly stuff or something.

But let me brief you on what’s been going down.. then .. I will go back, finish the posts I started, and then all will be right with the world. Good times all around, my friends. Oh yes, we’ll get jiggy with it.

Things that have happened and that I will expound upon.. in no particular order…

  • I had a birthday. On that birthday I moved my stuff out of BFF Jodi’s house and into a garage in KW.
  • I went to California. It was cool. No, literally. It was April. It was about the same temperature in KW as in Cali.   Also, I saw a lot of relatives in Cali and a portrait of Arnold Schwarzenegger made of Skittles. It did not change my life in any way and I had actually completely forgotten about it until this moment.
  • My car got crashed.  Not good.
  • Got back from California. Moved the next morning into my new place in the K-dub.  Unpacked et al within days.
  • Started a new super cool gig.
  • Had a party.
  • Got a new car.
  • went to my high school reunion.
  • Proved bench advertising works.
  • Didn’t write blogs. (you already knew that)
  • Discovered a cure for the common cold. Got drunk to celebrate. Accidentally threw out the answer. Back to the drawing board.
  • Then, of course,  some random stuff that I will think of as I start spewing stuff onto the computer screen  ( I know, not the best visual there.. see? out of practice….)

So, my apologies to those of you that have actually checked to see if I’ve written some stuff.. yes, you.. Stacey Thompson-Delorme.. Michelle Walker and of COURSE, Tracy Lennon…  I shall attempt to be more consistent…. as in, the consistency of rice pudding… oh, but I digress.

So yeah, I’ve been sucking.  But I’m making an attempt to make amends.  Please forgive me. (insert tearful weepy face here… preferably of a really cute sad child… that’d make ya well up…)

K. If I’m going to get caught up, I better get moving. Await the avalanche.

Life: Good. Very good.
Love: Love the new place. (see how I got out of answering that directly? Ohhhh I’m sneaky..)
Pants: I’m wearing some. That’s all you need to know for now.

100 Posts…

I just noticed today that I had surpassed 100 posts.

That’s a lot of words.  It would appear that I have a lot to talk about.. Or more likely I’m just longwinded ..a bit of a babbler..

Regardless, I was taking a look at the original reasons that I started this blog… and thought I’d see how much I’d “progressed”.. if at all….

So, to revisit.. Here are what amounts to my New Year’s resolutions.. and thoughts on the same…

one of my many recent adventures.. this was Oktoberfest.. good times!!

  • Get a job. Preferably one I love and can utilize my skills – mocking others and my insane knowledge of useless trivial information. I am thinking “game show host”.

I, unfortunately, have not become a game show host. I KNOW! What a waste!  However, I have discovered that my ultimate goal is to be a writer.. well, I’m already a writer… but I mean write and get paid for it… like, huge money.. . You know, be on Oprah and stuff.. … Now, as far as the job dealio is concerned, I haven’t secured a traditional 9-5 thing.. which is great.. because I’m really not a 9-5 type of chick.. One thing I’ve discovered is that I like working from home.. or wherever I happen to be.. and also like to work at weird hours (that’s the bohemian creative thingy there methinks..)  So, I’m doing some consulting work.. which is very, very cool. I like it.

  • Move. I love the house I bought. LOVE IT. That’s the biggest bitch about this whole deal. However, I want to live closer to Waterloo where I can see my kids more regularly and be near my friends and people that I love. Do they have any game shows in Waterloo?

I DID move.. to St. Catharines.. to live with my BFF Jodi.  Which is awesome because she rocks.  However, ultimately want to be back in the K-Dub.  I love Kitchener-Waterloo. A LOT.  Big fan.  I am saying aloud that I plan on being back by February.. putting it out into the Universe, so to speak.. gonna make it happen!

  • Find me a boyfriend. I like boys. A lot. However, I seem to be somewhat smarter than many of them and this seems to scare them off. Or it’s my insane good looks. Or my lack of ego. Or the fact that I have spent the last month in my rec room and actually don’t meet humans. I am also removing myself from any internet dating crap (more on that another time). Time to put on my big girl pants and meet aforementioned humans.

This is a tricky one. You see.. I haven’t been ENTIRELY truthful when it comes to the “love” section of the blog.. well, I did take myself off all the internet dating stuff.. mind you, I had a relapse and went back on for a bit.. Chatted with a few guys.. but.. really didn’t have any interest in meeting most.. met a couple.. and.. yeah, not so much. And, removed myself again.

So, to be truthful about this.. hmmm… well, I’ve had some “dates”..  and they were fun and all.. a couple of boys that I liked.. but.. y’know.. nothing came of it.. didn’t work out for various reasons.. so there ya go.

And I’ve rethought this actually.. I guess I don’t so much want a “boyfriend” as just a social life.. which I actually have!! I’ve had a lot of fun lately.. meeting new people and doing fun stuff with some great friends. And really.. fun is the operative word.. I mean, I could “have a boyfriend” if I REALLY wanted one.. I get asked out and stuff. . but.. I want the “right” guy.. ..smart and funny.. Should I be cruising the Perimeter Institute? Comedy clubs?

I know there’s a guy out there for me.. the Universe will send him my way when it’s the right time.. 😉  So I’m in no rush.. and not worried about it. Obviously whoever he is is just not ready for me yet.  After all, I AM a lot to handle….  I’ll just have fun in the meantime!

  • Adopt a healthier lifestyle. i.e. more veggies, less crap, less liquor (unless it’s a special occasion, like, Tuesday..) more exercise. This will be my greatest challenge as you actually have to get off the couch….

This one.. I’ve been.. pretty good with.. I have been eating less crap.. and have been getting more exercise (really should do more crunches though..) I walk dogs for about 60-90 minutes a day (about 5-6K) and all my pants are too big.. so that’s going pretty well. Less liquor?  Well.. ..  let’s put it this way.. if I DIDN’T do all the walking, I’d likely weigh about 300lbs…

So I actually think I’ve done pretty well with them… I’m happy with my progress. But… still working on it and it’s getting better every day…

Life: It’s all good!
Love: I love my life, my friends, my family….. and Kitchener-Waterloo!
Pants: As I said.. they’re bigger.. I’ve moved in a belt notch and just last night a friend told me I was looking skinny. Yay!

Poetic Licence

I have a weird obsession with personalized licence plates.

My plate is ONE LETTER OFF from being my name (BETN 831)… I asked car dood why he didn’t stand in line longer and hold out for one that spelt BETH .. but whatever..

Bubba

On his way to meet up with Bubba's 1 through 17 methinks..

Interestingly, I’ve never had a personalized plate.. it’s just never occurred to me, to tell the truth.. plus, now that BETH has been used in regular rotation, that’s out.. and I’m sure EVILGENIUS is taken.. or various variations thereof… In all seriousness.. I take pictures of plates I see.. Not too sure why.. but I do like figuring out what they mean and why some of these people have them…

Obviously some are basically pitching their businesses.. which makes sense…  but then you see other ones that you wonder.. was that a gift?  Did they buy it for themselves?  What does it MEAN?  Most of all, it’s the lack of imagination behind some of the plates..

Seriously, so buddy has say, a Mustang.. and so he gets a plate that says “69 Mustang”. Whoa. So imaginative.  Or something along the lines of  “JONSCAR”. Calm DOWN Jon! Seriously, put a bumper sticker on your car that says “I’m so boring my hobby is watching paint dry”.  You get my point.

imalefty

Hint: read from the right..

I enjoy the plates that you have to figure out and they’re amusing.. like the Hummer I saw the other day with the plate “HEVY MTL”… could be in reference to the car.. could be he loves Metallica..   I also dig the ones where you have to really figure it out..  One of my faves was a Ford Escape whose plate read “S CAP EH”.. a Finding Nemo reference for sure!!

Consequently, I have a tendency to look at people’s plates while I’m driving and out and about.. and take pictures of the cool ones.   And even some of the boring ones.. just for fun.  There’s nothing wrong with the ones that say buddy’s name.. they’re just kinda.. well.. dull. I mean, if you’re spending the extra $100 or whatever it is, why not get creative?  After all, you’re going to have that plate for a long time..

People use vanity plates to promote.. tell us all that they love cats or skiing or fishing or what have you.. indicate their sexual preferences or favourite band.. all kinds of interesting things..

petebest

One of my faves ever... it reads PETEBEST.. get it?

Anyone who knows me well knows that I often look for “signs”.. I’ll ask a question of the Universe.. and wait for the “sign”… and interestingly I’ve had several come in the form of plates… One day I was walking.. asked a question and the next 2 cars I saw had the plates “FNTASTC”  and then “PRFCTTIMN”…. which spoke to me… And then just today I found one that said “UNSTUCK”.. also a message.. Like, I mean.. what are the odds?

However, I don’t think I’ll get one.. after all.. all the “BETH” plates are in regular rotation and really it’s kinda boring (although whenever I see one, I take a picture of it. LOL) .. and frankly, I can’t think of anything “plate worthy”.. guess I’m just not vain enough. LOL..

But I’ll keep looking for the funny ones..

unstuck

Here is an album of plates I’ve taken pics of..

and here is a flicker album of some truly hilarious ones..

Life: It’s all good
Love: See above
Pants: Wearing the dog walking pants.. Mocha’s getting restless.. .

A 5 Year Old’s Guide to Hitchhiking

When I was five years’ old I hitchhiked. 

At one point, my childhood friend Julie and I were standing in her front yard and she showed me that if you stuck your thumb out, then someone would stop and give you a ride.  So really, it’s all her fault.

This is me at age 1. I couldnt' find a picture of me at age 5. But I was cute. Trust me.

This is me at age 1. I couldnt' find a picture of me at age 5. But I was cute. Trust me.

Here’s what happened.. one lovely summer’s day, my family and I (Mom, Dad, Barb, Lara and myself..) were on the way home in the station wagon and we needed to stop at a Mac’s Milk for.. well, milk. My sisters and I were kind of fighting and my mother was very annoyed with us. 

My dad ran in to get the milk and as he was heading into the store, he noticed a bird’s nest in the rafters and commented on it and how you could see the baby birds.  We wanted to get out of the car to look, but my mother wouldn’t let us because we weren’t behaving. I was annoyed. I wanted to see baby birds!

We went home and I think we had to all go to our rooms since we were misbehaving.  Well, let me tell you.. the misbehaving was just beginning.

We lived in a bungalow at the time and my bedroom window opened onto the front porch. Being the amateur escape artist that I was… I decided that I didn’t want to stay in my room and climbed out the window and went to Julie’s house. 

Julie wasn’t allowed to come out.. so for some reason, I decided that it would be a good idea to walk to the Mac’s Milk to see those baby birds.  I  craved adventure.

Please keep in mind that I was 5 years old. And that Mac’s Milk was located at the intersection of Hwy 8 and Hwy 20 in the east end of Hamilton Ontario. And it was about one and a half miles from my house. This I was unaware of.. being 5 and all.

So I started walking.. walking all the way down King St (Highway 8)… and passing by numerous things that I had only ever passed in the car, but was curious about. Like a little shed that my sister Barb and I were SURE was home to some elves or gnomes.. in reality, it contained water pipes. I was deeply disappointed.

When I finally got to the Mac’s Milk I looked up to see these baby birds. And saw NOTHING. No freakin’ nest. No freakin’ birds.  Awesome. I looked and looked. Nothing. Suckage.

I started walking back toward home.. and I was tired. (Remember? Five years old.. over a mile.. short legs.. )

I suddenly remembered how Julie told me that if I stuck my thumb out I’d get a ride. So I did. And a car stopped.

It was a black car (a Chev I believe..) with red interior and there was a man and a lady with a scarf on her head. I got in the car.. and they asked me my name and where I lived.  And we started driving and I gave them directions.

(At this point I’d like to thank God, Jesus, Buddha and Allah for sending these people instead of psycho killers. Thanks.)

We headed toward home and at some point it suddenly struck me that I might get into trouble for this little adventure. I tried to get them to drop me off on the corner a block from my house.. and they refused. They wanted me to get home safely. So I had to tell them exactly where I lived.

I distinctly remember saying to them that I lived in the house where the man was washing the driveway.  (This was before we all got all environmentally conscious and you could still do said things.. ) They pulled up and left me in the care of my lovely and hopefully hugely forgiving .. father.

Needless to say, my parents were unaware that I left the house.. I have no idea how long I was gone.. but …also needless to say.. I got in a LOT of trouble. A LOT.

There are several morals to this story.. first of all.. you really shouldn’t hitchhike. Especially if you’re five. Don’t take rides from strangers. I just got lucky that they were nice strangers.  And as much as you crave adventure, be careful.  That, and I had a better sense of direction at age 5 than most adults I know do.

Oh, and if your dad tells you there’s a bird’s nest… just take his word for it.

Life: All good baby… all good
Love: Makes the world go around..
Pants: Looser.

“I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER… “

You know that movie about 4 teens who end up getting stalked by someone after they run over a guy and dump his body in the ocean?  Yeah, my summer was kinda like that.

roller coaster ride. Obviously before I suffered brain damage. Wait, look at that smile. May be after...

roller coaster ride. Obviously before I suffered brain damage. Wait, look at that smile. May be after...

No, no you won’t know if that’s what EXACTLY happened until you read this post. And I won’t tell you till the end if I actually smushed a guy like in that movie…or if I just mocked something till they wished I had smushed them.  And don’t skip to the end. The program tracks those who do. Which may or may not be how that guy may or may not have ended up  in the ocean or perhaps just with hurt feelings…….

I recently noticed that summer was over and I felt like it had passed me by.. as if I hadn’t really DONE anything this summer.. so I made a list..

In early June it was my son Josh’s birthday.. the lovely boy turned 14. He’s taller than me now. Guess the “I’ll put you over my knee” threat no longer is valid. We went go-karting. I gave him money. Good day. We also played Rock Band.

Mid June brought UpTown Country.. great festival put on by a fun group of people. Shout outs from the stage from Sean Hogan and lots of hugs from people I hadn’t seen for a while. I miss y’all too. 

End of June.. Josh in his dark suit and Chucks’ graduated from Grade 8.  I am a proud mama.

Jodi the BFF’s birthday –  we celebrated by going to see the Fray with the 3rd Super Exciting Friend, Fernando.  Thankfully, we spent much time in the lounge as the Fray is pretty near as depressing as Coldplay and therefore sorrows needed to be drowned.  On the way back to the car, we were nearly attacked by seagulls.

with my cousins in Pembroke. SO much fun

with my cousins in Pembroke. SO much fun

Josh got a really bad sunburn that resulted in the nickname “Lobster Boy” for at least a week.

Finally moved out of Barrie.  My big send off involved myself and my new friends via Twitter.. Robb M (@astroboy) and Jon (@JonAston) getting together for a drink.. or several.  I believe we found the answers to world peace, Peak Oil, how they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar and whether or not Britney’s breasts are real.  Of course, there were several beers and dirty martinis and all of those answers have been lost….

July 15th. Moved from Barrie to St. Catharines to live with BFF Jodi. Thank God for Fernando and Joe and their amazing packing skills.. and for Jodi for not punching me when I brought so much stuff to her house..

Josh and I took a trip to Marineland and determined that we should get season passes which requires not only pictures, but  fingerprinting and a brain scan.  Apparently there have been issues with identical twins borrowing each others passes…  We skipped the “go up really high and then drop from the sky and hopefully don’t smash into the ground like a bug” ride as we didn’t want to climb the big hill.  We fed bears corn pops, ate pizza, saw whales, enjoyed the musical stylings of Walter Ostanek… and then proceeded to ride the Dragon Fire roller coaster 6 times or until I could literally hear my brain sloshing from side to side. 

Jodi and I took Josh across the border for the first time and we ate dinner in Lewiston.. A few days later we went across again and took him to see the Trews and met my Twitter friend Nancy (@nannerland)… and enjoyed an awesome show and people who danced in puddles.  We also fed Josh old candy out of our purses because we spent all our money on beer.

In August, we went to Kitchener and had lunch with Randy Bachman and took him to Home Hardware (you can read about that here…) I did a very long interview with him.. which you can read about here…  then we watched Bachman-Cummings that night and it was AMAZING!

Chris (Katy’s BF) and I overruled Katy and Josh with our duet on American Idol. Yeah. Even Simon liked us.

After several years I finally saw my buddy Mike Lynch .. cause he too lives in St Catharines!   We had wings and beer and I learned where 2 more dirty St Kitts bars are.. check out his music..

 Went to see the Gin Blossoms but not before I had to YouTube some of their songs cause I couldn’t think of any.  And we went to Top’s Friendly Markets. Steven was right. Sweet Baby Ray’s is the best damn BBQ sauce ever.

Went for a visit to the Ottawa Valley for my Aunt Pat’s 80th birthday party.. great seeing all the relatives and catching up with everyone. Much laughter and fun.  Also was able to hook up in Ottawa with more Twitter friends.. Lynda Partner (@lyndapartner) and Kneale Mann (@knealemann)… awesome!

One of the adventures of the summer was going to see Miranda Lambert and Kenny Chesney in concert.  Sure, the music was great… but before we even got there we had already survived a tornado touching down in downtown Toronto and me ripping out the seat of my pants.  Again, thank god for the Amex Lounge and people with expense accounts.

Had a lovely dinner at my sister’s with our cousin Maureen.. fun fun.

My friend Steven and I went to Lewiston’s ArtPark for the final blast of the summer to see Peter Frampton. Took Josh. This time I brought enough money that he could get pizza. There were THOUSANDS of people there. I don’t believe there were any fatalities.

The Germans.. Alex & Carl.. came to visit and we hooked up for a visit while they were here. Beer, conversation, laughter and more beer. And more laughter. Carl’s website is here.. he is the authority on heavy metal .. not just in Canada or Germany, but world wide. And he likes beer.  http://carlbegai.com/

There was also much barbequing, socializing and fun.  So even though the summer is over (I was in  denial for weeks, obviously..) the fall’s been pretty good.. AC/DC.. family celebrations.. Oktoberfest.. it’s all good.

Oh, and no, I didn’t hide a body over the summer.. however I did accidentally run over a possum.  Thankfully, it has not come back to seek revenge…..

Life: It’s all GOOD.
Love: Amazing.
Pants: Looser. Again, All good.

Lab Rats, Bad Hair and World Domination

I often maintain that my ultimate goal is world domination. Kinda like Pinky and the Brain.“What’re we going to do tonight, Brain?” “Same thing we do every night, Pinky.  Try to take over the world.”

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so."

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so Brain, but burlap chafes me so."

And although I am kind of short, my plans aren’t usually thwarted by being a lab rat. I have opposable thumbs.. of reasonable stature.. I’m something of an evil genius.. obviously I have a lot going for me…. not being an experimental rodent and all.

So, you ask, WHY have I not succeeded in this lofty goal? Why have I not completed my quest for world domination and ultimate supremacy?

Three words: Bad hair days.

Pinky and the Brain have time. They don’t have hair. They have fur. Far more manageable. No fussing about allows them time to work on their evil plans.  Me? Not so lucky.

I have tempermental hair. It’s a struggle. Today for instance.. My bangs were all wonky and I tried to re-do them a few times by wetting them and re-drying them but it was no use. They still looked dumb. They went all “flippy”. So instead of getting on with aligning my very own “axis of evil” I had to break out the straightener.

I believe this to be why most world leaders are male. They don’t give a crap about their hair. Think about it. Winston Churchill? He did not spend any time on that lid. Gorbachev? Really. Look at it.  No effort at all there.

There’s a reason why Khomeini wore the headgear, same with Che Guevara and Castro. It’s not all about fashion or religious stuff.. it was to hide the bad hair, I’m convinced.  They neglected their appearances and thus had far more time for socio-political activity.

     "Dude, seriously, saves me SO much time in the AM" "I gotta get a hat..."

"Dude, seriously, saves me SO much time in the AM" "I gotta get a hat..."

Don’t even try to bring up Margaret Thatcher with me. THAT hairdo was not stellar. I read on the interwebs that it was actually a hat made of horsehair. It’s why it never moved. Here’s the bottom line:  Women have SO MUCH MORE to do than men that the “taking over the world” thing winds up on the end of the list.

We don’t JUST have hair, but make-up, picking out the cute shoes… nails.. lots of other things. Not to mention everything else we do.. birthing babies, making dinner, cleaning up after everyone else in the family..  wiping up various bodily functions expelled by kids and pets, shopping for everyone in the family, putting together Hallowe’en costumes, breaking up fights, driving people around.

Women already have to be chauffeurs, cooks, cleaners, doctors, police, negotiators, public relations officials, wardens, financial advisors, comedians, actors, and mechanics.. just to shortlist it. AND we like to look good doing it, so we must also be beauticians.

Hence, why my bad hair has prevented me from my destiny of being either supreme leader.. or perhaps a game show host.  Instead of recruiting minions,  I was busy getting pretty.

I gotta go. I think I left the straightener on…

Life: Labour Day weekend.. fun for all!
Love: No comment.
Pants: Still working on it. No weight loss as for all the working out I do, I reward myself with licorice and wine. *sigh*

Are you a Betty or a Veronica? (or Why Nice Girls May Not Always Finish Last..)

Archie Andrews has really let me down.  He is dead to me.

Yes, I know he’s a comic book character. But still… archiebettyveronica

The Betty/Archie/Veronica love triangle has been going on for 70 years.  Seriously.  (Wow, they still look pretty good for their ages.)  However, why on earth would any self respecting woman wait around for SEVENTY years?  Oh yeah, they’re fictitious. But I digress..

When I was young, my sister and I had Archie paper dolls and we ALWAYS paired Reggie with Veronica and Betty & Archie.  Each time I’d read a comic, I’d hope that Archie finally came to his senses and would pick Betty over Veronica.  After all, Veronica’s kind of a bitch.  That, and I had some kind of weird “matching” thing in my head where dark haired people should pair with dark haired people and lighter haired people with other light haired people.

Hey, I was a kid. I have no idea where I got this weird theory. I also believed that people kept growing until they were giants. Again, another flawed theory. But to get back on track….

Here’s the thing…. Most women I know are either a “Betty” or a “Veronica”.  Think about it.  You have the popular chick that is gorgeous and guys follow her around and she treats them like they all should be doing her bidding. Then you have the girls who are “buddies” with all the guys… the guys love her.. but as their pal. 

Veronicas are damsels in distress, high maintenance and kind of a pain in the butt.. yet somehow always seem to have guys flocking about offering to buy her Cosmopolitans.  Bettys can put oil in the car, operate power tools and play touch football with the guys.. sometimes better than the guys.. and she can take care of herself…and pays for her own beer.  Bettys don’t need rescuing like Veronicas do.

When you outright ASK guys “Betty or Veronica?” they nearly ALWAYS say “Betty”.   It’s not based on looks or hair colour…. (seriously, have you never noticed that they are identical except for hairdo?  By the way, this should not be confused with the Wilma Flintstone vs. Betty Rubble discussion which is entirely different and I believe hair colour may play a part in that one. That, and Betty Rubble seems less uptight..another post perhaps..  )… they SAY that they prefer Betty because she is sweet and nice and genuinely cares for Archie.

Then you see them out with a Veronica.  The hot chick. The one Bettys want to kick in the china.  You know who I mean.

Everyone  knows a guy who’s hung up on some chick who treats him like crap. Yet, he worships the ground she walks on for some insane reason. In REAL LIFE there’s always a Veronica.  Why?  Guys are competitive, cavemen types.  They WANT to be the problem solvers, the knights in shining armour. So when Veronica treats them like garbage and ditches him for a Reggie, it’s a challenge they feel they must tackle.. like a mountain to climb, or eating the 32 oz steak at “Big Mike’s House of Meat”…

From a physical standpoint (dark hair and all..) I’d be more of a Veronica.. but no…. I’m a Betty.  I’m always the guy’s “buddy”.  I’m the one guys come talk to when their Veronica is ignoring them.  I’m the chick that makes the guy feel better, they love to be around.. they flirt with.. but “don’t want to ruin the friendship”… and think I’m a “great girl”…..and then they introduce me to their new girlfriend. Who is a Veronica.

*Sigh*

Regardless, what is so great about Archie anyway?  He can barely hold down a job, he has a tic-tac-toe grid etched into the side of his head, drives a crap car and he’s always getting into some mess.  And he’s totally hung up on Veronica. Whatever. Yeah so he’s nice and honest and stuff… but.. he’s still hung up on the Veronica.

Personally, looking at the Archie and Veronica engagement… I don’t think it will last. Sure, Veronica is saying yes now, but you KNOW she’s going to end up in some tryst with Reggie at some point because all Veronicas have that “love of bad boys” thing going on as well…  

And Archie will realize that he’s made the wrong decision and try to go crawling back to Betty.. However, it would serve him right if she wasn’t still waiting around for him and had left Riverdale all together for some super adventure in some other fictitious town ..say, Washington or San Luis Obispo…  or run off with Dilton Doiley .. who is likely the next Bill Gates (you know how we Bettys love the smart boys…)

But, what is  Betty’s biggest fault and what also makes her so loveable..  Bettys are too “nice”. So maybe she’ll take Archie back.

And therefore I hope that in comics and in real life, my poll is correct, and boys really DO pick the Bettys of the world.   Which I wouldn’t really call finishing last as much as being loyal.. and yes, nice.

Life: these people are fictitious. THEY HAVE NO LIFE.  But apparently neither do I blogging about comics..
Love: Archie loves Veronica. Really? REALLY?
Pants: I split open my new pants tonight. That’s another post involving adventure and tornados.. stay tuned…

Fill in the Blank

From my friend Kyle (@IknowKyleFord) who is super awesome.  Another one of those fill in the blank quiz things that I seem to enjoy… No, I don’t know why….

Me, Josh and Jodi on an adventure...

Me, Josh and Jodi on an adventure...

My ex… is one of my best friends. Took a while, but it’s all good.  I call him Fernando in the blog, but it’s an alias. Sometimes I call him Paco.
Maybe I should…make a list of what I will do today…pick out an outfit for tomorrow.. take the dog for a big walk.. write some stuff.. do some research.. finish writing that article. Hey, I think I just made my list.
I love…my puppy. Oh, and my kids.
People would say that I’m…mildly amusing and very goofy.
I don’t understand…ignorance. Or why people like Coldplay.
When I wake up in the morning…I wish I had a coffeemaker beside my bed like in a hotel.
Life is full of… adventure. And liquor ….and chocolate.
My past is…the past….let it go, dude.
Parties are…fun. And often a source of photos you don’t want posted on Facebook. You, I mean.  That has never happened to me. I have no idea what you are talking about so you can stop now.
I wish…something.. but it’s a secret. 😉  Saw 2 shooting stars last night. Yes, I’m superstitious. Sue me.
Tomorrow…is Friday already! Woot!
I have low tolerance…for the stupidity of others.
I am totally terrified of…something bad happening to someone I love.
If I had a million dollars…I’d put some away for my kids, and move closer to them. And start a business with BFF Jodi.  And have a kickass party.
I am…tired of waiting. (I love you, Trews..)
My home is…where my heart is.
My best friend…is pretty freakin’ awesome.
My parents taught me…everything I know about life.  Including not running with scissors, no swimming within an hour of eating and how to judo flip someone.
Every day…I take my dog for a walk.  And laugh.
My life… is anything but dull
If I found out my ex was gay…I’d set him up. LOL.
Boys are… only attracted to me if they live several hours away.  A minimum 150km radius must be maintained at all times.
Girls are… fun…. if you like that sort of thing.
I hate people who…are prejudiced.
Last November…I was still in Barrie and hating my life pretty much.
Hickory Dickory Dock…is a very strange nursery rhyme.  I will not satisfy the 12 year old in you by making this sentence rhyme in a dirty way. In fact. No rhyming at all. I’m done with this.
The best invention ever…Coffee.
I love it when… people get what they deserve – Karma’s a bitch.
Sometimes I…wonder what things would have been like if I HAD gone to med school…
I work…at it.
GO…uh, rest high on that mountain..? GO …Train?  I don’t get it.
God…is cool.
Jesus…also rocks.
Buddha…is a chubby guy. Should cut down on the carbs… Jodi has a statue of him in the backyard.
My dream last night…about something involving me showing up for a tv show in my workout gear.
My first thought waking up…why can’t you teach a dog to make coffee…?
Today I ate…hard boiled eggs, water, coffee

Sometimes I swear…: more than I should.. don’t tell my mom.
As a child, I…liked to play with the boys. 😉
The world could do with less…hate.

Life: It’s all good
Love: *sigh* Do you even have to ask?
Pants: today, I am wearing workout shorts. all good.

Have You Ever?

Again, one of those questionnaire type things that make their way around the internet.. I just find some of the questions.. and answers.. interesting.. questions1219kind of like virtual Truth or Dare…

1. Ever find anything nasty in your restaurant meal? Yes, human hair.  I got a free meal as it was obvious it wasn’t mine.
2. Ever had a gun pointed at you and if so, by who? No, but I did point a gun at someone else.. I was five and took my dad’s rifle out of the house to scare some neighbourhood boys. Thank God my dad did not keep ammo in the house.
3. Ever been tasered? You mean by police? Then, no.
4. Ever exited a moving vehicle? Yes, in the middle of a fight with my ex. Not a good day. Fell OFF a moving vehicle once too. Stupid high school kids. That would have been concussion #3 I believe…
5. Ever gone skydiving? Not on your life, buddy.
6. Ever eaten an insect? Not intentionally but yes
7. Ever eaten rattlesnake meat? No thanks
8. Ever been run over by a car? No, cut out of one though.
9. Ever been knocked unconscious? Concussion #4 I believe… fell down a flight of stairs at school. Developed tinnitus (ringing in the ears) for 2 weeks. It was awful.
10. Ever been hospitalized by an accident? Yes – couple of times.  Stitches in head, fractured pelvis.. that sort of thing.
11. Ever had surgery? Yes. A few. Tonsils, nose (not cosmetic… for breathing purposes..).. a C section among them..
12. Ever been under general anesthesia? Yes. See above.
13. Ever played Truth or Dare? Which did you pick? Yes, and depended on the question. Worst dare was streaking. I did it.

14. Ever won more than $100 playing blackjack?  No, but on the slots… yes!

15. Ever saved a life? Put out a fire at my neighbour’s house once… 

16. Ever been chased on the freeway in a road rage incident? No, but I’ve been in the car with the “chaser”.. scary!

17. Ever been audited by the IRS/CRA? No.  Knock wood.
18. Ever tricked someone by putting sugar in the salt shaker? No.. but I’ve loosened a few lids… 😉
19. Ever whittled something out of wood? Do I look like I grew up in the hills?
20. Ever surprised yourself by fixing something you thought unrepairable? Yes. Several things including a broken heart.
21. Ever fired a gun? If so, when was the first time? Nope. Thank goodness (see #2)

22. Ever confronted a burglar? No
23. Ever had something stolen out of a locker? Yes
24. Ever written a book or “how to” guide of some sort? LOL. Yes, see last blog post.
25. Ever been asked for your autograph? Yes when I was in radio.  Yeah it’s worth MILLIONS…
26. Ever kissed the ground? Not that I can recall…

27. Ever steered a car with a body part other than your hands? No. isn’t that a guy thing?
28. Ever worn mismatched socks in public? Most days. LOL
29. What’s the nicest thing someone’s ever done for you? Many things.. too many to mention.

30. Ever lit off a smoke bomb? no
31. Ever break a tooth? Yes unfortunately… suckage. TWICE BOTH times on POPCORN. I avoid it now..
32. Ever hit a wild animal while driving? A skunk. AWFUL lemme tell ya.. couldn’t drive the car for a couple of days. YUCK
33. Ever have a bird fly into the windshield of a vehicle you were in? yes
34. Ever bust open an old fashioned thermometer and play with the mercury? Yes, as a kid
35. Ever suck on a tootsie pop without biting it?  Yes, but not for long…
36. Ever kill an afternoon reading comic books? yes! I used to collect comic books
37. Ever fallen off a ladder? Yes but not far.
38. Ever fallen off a roof? No.  I used to climb out my bedroom window and across the roof and down the antenna to sneak off to parties when I was about 15. Well, until I got caught.
39. Ever fall in love at first sight? No, I don’t think so.  There’s still time…
40. Ever seen one of your own bones exposed? Yuck. No.
41. Ever been served a bowl of chicken soup with the claw still on the drumstick? LMAO NO!
42. Ever find something that you thought was really valuable, only it turned out to be worthless? Yes. Mostly relationships. LOL
43. Ever had a celebrity crush? David Cassidy when I was really young.. then Shaun Cassidy in Grade 7/8. And I’d totally do George Clooney.
44. Ever see an animal being born in person? Yes, kittens.
45. Ever see a human baby being born in person? Yes, Katy.. Josh they knocked me out for. He was being difficult. Nothing’s changed.. LOL
46. Ever wake up screaming? Yes. But then I got a divorce.
47. Ever held your breathe for more than 2 minutes? Yes, when I was much younger and an avid swimmer
48. Ever washed a car in a bikini? That’s what I’m doing right now as a matter of fact…
49. Ever told someone yapping in a crowded movie theater during the movie to shut the hell up? Yes.. it’s nearly always chicks too.
50. Ever been told that you look like a celebrity? Yes. Elizabeth Taylor (never saw that).  Julie Kavner (Rhoda’s sister Brenda and the voice of Marge Simpson…) .. And Marilyn Chambers, porn star. LOL.

 

Life: Living it, baby!
Love: The only boys that seem to like me live very far away. Maybe I should move. Oh, I just did. Never mind…
Pants: Yes, I’m wearing some (I was kidding about the bikini…)

How to Get Blocked in 8 Simple Steps!

Once again, I must preface the post with the warning.. “If you are my Mother, do NOT read this. No, really Mom.. there are just some things you don’t want to know, being the good Catholic woman that you are. So, seriously, go make a Sanka and watch some Coronation Street and forget that you ever even came across this blog post, okay? Because you really shouldn’t read it. K? K. Love you!”

No, seriously Mother. STOP NOW.dude

Well,  now that I have that out of the way….

Over the weekend I received a “friend request” on Facebook.  Not unusual, per se. I receive usually a few a week.. many people that I know through the music business or friends of friends.. some that I’ve met through Twitter.. that sort of thing.

So when I receive a request from someone I don’t immediately recognize, I merely investigate their profile.. see who or what we have in common and determine whether or not I really want to befriend this person. 

Mind you,  I have various levels of “friendship”.. if you’re reading this now, that likely means you can read my links,etc., and therefore you likely have full access. I have multiple levels of access.. some can’t see my wall posts.. some can’t see any pictures.. things like that. Just depends.  And sometimes statuses change dependant upon our interaction.

That being said, I didn’t look too closely at Buddy’s profile.. he looked kind of familiar although I didn’t recognize the name , but I still added him.

Almost immediately the IM chatty thing opened up and Buddy started yacking.   Mostly inane chatter.. the usual crap. I asked if his FB name was his “real” name.. it was not, and he told me his proper handle.  And then whilst we chatted it hit me.. this was a guy I had met online through a dating site.. we met once about 4 years ago.  Emphasis on the ONCE.

We met for a drink… it didn’t go extremely well.. I had absolutely no interest and ceased contact. And quit with the online dating.

Once I made the connection I tried to gracefully get out of the conversation without looking like a complete and utter bitch.  I’m not a fan of hurting anyone’s feelings, regardless of how jerky I might think they are.. so I merely chose to hit the “ignore” button for a bit.. and then said I had to go. 

And then the messages started.  There were several. And based on Buddy’s profile and his messages,  I have created a list of actions you can perform in order to be immediately blocked on Facebook, Twitter or any other Social Media site or application.

How to Get Me to Block You in 8 Simple Steps

1. Please let me know that you have creeped all of my Facebook photos and have enjoyed them in an intimate way. Especially if I really don’t know you very well. Really, it’s charming and endearing. Not creepy or disturbing at all.

2. Use an alias. Nothing says forthcoming and upstanding like not using your own name. Again, not at all unsettling or suspicious.

3. Include in your profile a lot of shots of just your torso.  No head, just neck to very, very close to south of the border. HAWT. Chicks dig it.

4. Only have girls on your friends list. This does indeed show me that you are a ladies man. And that you apparently were beat up by all the other guys in school and therefore have no real friends. It’s just a theory.

5. Ensure that you have all the “cool” applications like “Babe of the Day” and “Hot or Not” installed on your Facebook page. This is really impressive and again is an indicator of your extreme hawt-ness and likeability.  Also take all the cool quizzes.. start with “What Kind of Lover Are You” and work your way up.

6.  When contacting me by chat or messaging, please indicate that you had a very hard time getting to sleep after we chatted because you were thinking of me in special and intimate ways.  This is of course even though we don’t know each other and I have given you absolutely no indication that I find you attractive in the least. 

7. Please refrain from discussing anything remotely interesting.  Keep all topics of conversation confined to what I look like, my various physical attributes and what affect they may have on the fit of your pants.

8. Go try this on some other chick, because frankly, I’ve already unfriended you.. you will never read this… and I have no interest in chatting with you again.  Seriously, dude. I have no idea if this actually ever works for you or not, but I’m thinking not.  Either that or you end up dating a lot of girls whose IQ’s range in the double digits. 

Addendum. #9. (courtesy of the lovely and talented Lea Cater  — @leannecater)  I would add step #9 “when I tell you I’m seeing someone & there4 can’t date you, call me a LIAR! And demand details as proof 😉

Suffice to say, Buddy and I are no longer “friends”.  (Insert ironic sad face icon here)

And people wonder why I’m still single.

Life: All in all going all right.
Love: BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Pants: doing up the belt a little tighter these days… good news..