Tag Archives: funny

All ya gotta do to start trouble is post something by the Cars..

As we all know, I’ve been a slacker with the posting of said bloggage.. I’ve started many, just haven’t finished.. really, I’m working on it…

I have no excuse… I’m online constantly.. so you think I’d get to writing.. but…. I think perhaps I may be spending too much time on Facebook, perhaps..

I have this friend.. I shall call him Glenn (as that is his name…)  and he and I like to banter.. so I thought I’d share one of our offtrack Facebook rants (that likely have people removing us from their feeds.. LOL)

Beth Warren

The Cars – Just What I Needed (1978) Writer: Ric Ocasek Producer: Roy Thomas Baker Bass and Lead vocal: Benjamin Orr Guitar: Elliot Easton Drums: David Robinson
July 29 at 10:03am Custom: loading… · · · Share

Glenn Pelletier And the kids wonder why Mariana’s Trench and Down With Webster doesn’t do it for me.

July 29 at 11:39am · ·

Beth Warren Yeah, word on the street is that this is really keeping the kids up at night..

July 29 at 11:48am · ·

Glenn Pelletier Oh….do I allow me then….to be more specific. “the kids”…….as in MY kids. get it? the only thing keeping the kids you refer to….up at night….is msn and trying to find the latest info. on the party at Brittany’s house when her parents were out-of-town.

July 29 at 11:56am · ·

Glenn Pelletier Tell you what…..if there any of “the kids” checking in with this conversation between a 49-year-old man and his 46-year-old friend, I invite you to view the Cars’ video above…..and then try to wonder why Mariana’s Trench and Down With Webster don’t do it for me.

July 29 at 11:58am · ·

Beth Warren I shall post your request on all my 15 yo FB friends’ pages.. LOL

Hey, there’s no doubt in my mind why they don’t “do it for you”….

July 29 at 12:02pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Okay…..gotta go. Off to a class titled “Demonstrating Humility While Posting On Facebook.”

July 29 at 12:04pm · ·

Beth Warren Are you teaching or attending?

July 29 at 12:07pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Attending.

July 29 at 12:54pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier That was my point, doe head.

July 29 at 12:54pm · ·

Beth Warren You and the name calling, CF…..
You are missing my obviously sarcastic tone…. jeezus

July 29 at 12:56pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier ‎”You can call me anything……just don’t call me Doe Head!”

July 29 at 1:01pm · ·

Beth Warren Doe head suggests something from the deer family.. whereas DOUGH head would imply that my head had a delicious squishy centre..
Neither of which I find particularly insulting or offensive. Or dirty. Try harder. LOL

July 29 at 1:26pm · ·

John Matthews OK – for the record. I have always loved the Cars! And as for you two – Glenn … love you on 570 but how does Beth have so many more fb friends than you? Beth – are you hitting on Glenn? Sounds more like a 15 yr old and an 11 yr old going at it! Carry on.

July 29 at 1:57pm · ·

Beth Warren A 15 yo and an 11 yo “going at it” would be most inappropriate. Age of consent in this province is 14.

July 29 at 2:03pm · ·

John Matthews Good point.

July 29 at 2:11pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Hey John…Beth has so many more fb friends than me, because I have a rule. The moment you say something like “I like eggs” on your newsfeed……yer fucking gone! Plus I tend to blow out the “friends” I don’t actually know, or have never spoken with.

July 29 at 2:14pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Actually, I keep vowing to do it….but between you and me, John, I don’t have the balls. And damn it, I don’t mind telling you…..I like eggs.

July 29 at 2:23pm · ·

Beth Warren I have a lot of FB friends because I’ve been doing this a helluva lot longer than Pelch has… for one. That, and I bribe them with candy.

Egss are delicious, it’s true.

July 29 at 4:01pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Oh, Beth, you missed my point. You know damn well I am well-versed in the necessary social networking skills. I have just chosen not to go all Ashton Kutcher on this thing. I mean really….what’s the point? (see: I like eggs.)

July 29 at 4:47pm · ·

Beth Warren Quite the contrary, I grasped your point immediately.. was merely kidding around. And I still like eggs.

July 29 at 4:57pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Oh really? Sounded to me like you were actually trying to say that if I had been on Facebook as long as you, I would have as many fb “friends.” You think the size of my “friends” list is based on my duration on Facebook? So really, I think you DID miss the point that my having fewer friends was about me deliberately choosing to start picking off the people I don’t actually know (especially if they post ‘I like eggs” on their newsfeed.

July 29 at 5:05pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Now buy me a Virgin. Caesar.

July 29 at 5:07pm · ·

Beth Warren Perhaps I just filter my friends differently, but I don’t believe any of my friends have ever posted of their love of any type of dairy product. Now, liquor on the other hand…

July 29 at 5:07pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I sometimes like to sign off posts with the name ‘Caesar’.

July 29 at 5:07pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Eggs are not dairy…but I will say no more. I have beaten you up already.

July 29 at 5:09pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Fuck it I can’t help myself. Where the fuck are the 2 per cent eggs? There’s only homo here!

July 29 at 5:11pm · ·

Beth Warren Ok, I’ll give you the “eggs are not dairy”…. apparently the food pyramid people moved them into the meat/protein section in 2005. I missed the memo.

Beaten up? LOL. Bring it, Pelch.

July 29 at 5:13pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I need to get out. I have turned into a divorced man with no money, sitting in his shitty apartment, spending hours ranting on Facebook. Actually, forget it…..I just realized, I was thinking of someone else.

July 29 at 5:13pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier No, Darwin included them in the protein section in the mid-nineteenth century.

July 29 at 5:15pm · ·

Beth Warren Well, at least Facebook is keeping you off the streets and out of the seedy bars…..

July 29 at 5:15pm · ·

Beth Warren Fuck. you do need to get out. Sitting around arguing online about Canada’s food guide. Quick! In which food group is quinoa??!

July 29 at 5:17pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier ah………………………definitely not desert!

July 29 at 5:17pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I mean dessert.

July 29 at 5:18pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Hell, maybe desert too, depending on whether it actually needs water to survive.

July 29 at 5:18pm · ·

Beth Warren How on earth did this go from appreciation of the Cars music to dessert?

July 29 at 5:19pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Ignore post above. The Sahara is not a food group.

July 29 at 5:19pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Beth, I have a feeling that bantering wtih you, will delay any possible dementia in me. I want to thank you for that.

July 29 at 5:20pm · ·

Beth Warren You nearly had me fooled. Had to check the food guide. Nope. Wasn’t there. Although I have sampled some cooking that wasn’t as tasty as sand…

July 29 at 5:20pm · ·

Beth Warren I believe you mean “further dementia”.

July 29 at 5:21pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier So about the fucking quinoa!

July 29 at 5:21pm · ·

Beth Warren And you are welcome.

July 29 at 5:21pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier LOL

July 29 at 5:22pm · ·

Beth Warren Quinoa is delicious. Although most think it’s a grain, it’s not truly.. and it’s very high in protein. It’s also a town in Peru and an album by Tangerine Dream.

July 29 at 5:23pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I am spent…..it was good for me. Was it good for you? How about a smoke?

July 29 at 5:27pm · · 1 personLoading… ·

Beth Warren Glenn, you realize of course, that anyone who “LIKED” this link originally is now cursing as they are being inundated with notifications of our food groups discussion. However, they likely learned something.. so it’s not a total loss.

July 29 at 5:28pm · ·

Beth Warren LOL. Now I’ll have to think of some other wacky status update or link to inspire more discussion. Or I’ll go back to my tequila thread.

July 29 at 5:29pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier If they have actually followed this entire stream, they are witnessing a classic example of how a chick with brains can wake a guy up. Thanks for that.

July 29 at 5:32pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier So, Virgin Caesar and a smoke?

July 29 at 5:33pm · ·

Beth Warren More than welcome.

July 29 at 5:33pm · ·

Beth Warren I’m more inclined to order a pint and a shot of tequila. Caesars are breakfast food. LOL

July 29 at 5:34pm · ·

Beth Warren Or should there have been a comma after Virgin?

July 29 at 5:34pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier And while I am awake, you have kept my from posting on my newsfeed that “Glenn likes cutting his fingernails regularly.”

July 29 at 5:35pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I want to stay in downtown Kitchener, so, no there is no comma after Virgin.

July 29 at 5:36pm · ·

Beth Warren whoa! you’re KIDDING me, right??!!!! wow.

July 29 at 5:37pm · ·

Beth Warren LMAO!

July 29 at 5:38pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier you mean about the comma-less Virgin or cutting my fingernails regularly?

July 29 at 5:38pm · ·

Beth Warren laughing re: comma-less virgin.. amazed at your nail cutting. You have some pretty exotic hobbies. CALM. DOWN.

July 29 at 5:39pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Also trying to find a non-smoking bingo player. I hear there is ONE in Belleville, but that was only because of doctor’s orders.

July 29 at 5:42pm · ·

Beth Warren what are you going to do with him or her when you find them? keep it as a pet?

July 29 at 5:43pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier No. Find out if being the only non-smoking bingo player in Belleville made him/her feel shunned, ashamed, diminished in any way.

July 29 at 5:46pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier I am also trying to find the only BINGO player in Rosedale – smoking, non-smoking, ashamed, shunned, or otherwise.

July 29 at 5:47pm · ·

Beth Warren I’m going to have to say the thing for bingo players is among the most unusual fetishes I’ve heard.

July 29 at 5:51pm · ·

John Matthews

OMG – that’s a cool 15yo thing right? I’m 46 just so ya know – and I know you don’t give a rat’s ass.

So I was going to interrupt – give thoughts on eggs and virgins – but nah. Then I considered a exercise in missing the point – but that w…ould have been wasted energy. Loads of other topics to comment on – but why interrupt perfectly good finger nail cutting I ask you? So I started reading the thread to my wife – and I got to the bingo fetish (not suspiciously 34 comments after the “divorced man, shitty apartment” comment) and she says, “Tell them to get a room.” Ha!

Glenn – I bet you hate Christmas now right? Beth – Who needs questions when there are so many answers? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QuinoaSee More

July 29 at 8:21pm · ·

John Matthews And as the most classic Car(ol) song says:

I’m so glad we had this time together,Just to have a laugh, or sing a song.Seems we just get started and before you Know itComes the time we have to say, “So long”.

July 29 at 8:22pm · ·

Beth Warren

Not to speak for my friend Glenn, but he has two beautiful girls so I’m sure Christmas is still full of joy and wonderment.. but again, not my place to say. Just thought I’d interject since a-it’s my thread and b- I think Pelch is off havi…ng a manicure so may not be able to respond in a timely manner.

re: rat’s ass.. I’m 46 as well.. all good. and I have a 15 yo.. LOL
re: room…. oh my. I have a room thanks.. LOL.. it’s quite pretty..

I still like eggs in all varied forms except fertilized. I’m not a virgin. and I enjoy quinoa.See More

July 29 at 8:33pm · ·

Beth Warren hahaha john.. either you are enjoying the entertainment or totally regretting adding me as a friend at this point.. LOL

July 29 at 8:34pm · ·

John Matthews This is now the most entertaining page on FB … well this and NPR! (JK) PS I was going to send Glenn a Christmas CD – no joke!

July 29 at 8:35pm · ·

Beth Warren Send him the Nickelback Christmas CD.. he’ll be your friend forever.

July 29 at 8:36pm · ·

John Matthews OUCH – before they tamed his extra-curricular banter over at 570 he would always talk about his love for good Christmas music – but I don’t recall him saying anything about Nickleback.

July 29 at 8:51pm · ·

Beth Warren LMAO! Nickelback is a long running joke between us.. I’m a troublemaker..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDgs1iroYyY

July 29 at 8:52pm · ·

Glenn Pelletier Hey John, the following tells you everything you need to know about my thoughts regarding Nickelback. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDgs1iroYyY

July 29 at 9:50pm · ·

Beth Warren haha I already sent him the link!

July 29 at 9:50pm · ·

John Matthews Ok – that was funny.

Life: All good
Love: Nothing to see here
Pants:  I’ve been very lazy and am quite lucky I do not weigh 300+ pounds.  Need to get back at it..

Poetic Licence

I have a weird obsession with personalized licence plates.

My plate is ONE LETTER OFF from being my name (BETN 831)… I asked car dood why he didn’t stand in line longer and hold out for one that spelt BETH .. but whatever..

Bubba

On his way to meet up with Bubba's 1 through 17 methinks..

Interestingly, I’ve never had a personalized plate.. it’s just never occurred to me, to tell the truth.. plus, now that BETH has been used in regular rotation, that’s out.. and I’m sure EVILGENIUS is taken.. or various variations thereof… In all seriousness.. I take pictures of plates I see.. Not too sure why.. but I do like figuring out what they mean and why some of these people have them…

Obviously some are basically pitching their businesses.. which makes sense…  but then you see other ones that you wonder.. was that a gift?  Did they buy it for themselves?  What does it MEAN?  Most of all, it’s the lack of imagination behind some of the plates..

Seriously, so buddy has say, a Mustang.. and so he gets a plate that says “69 Mustang”. Whoa. So imaginative.  Or something along the lines of  “JONSCAR”. Calm DOWN Jon! Seriously, put a bumper sticker on your car that says “I’m so boring my hobby is watching paint dry”.  You get my point.

imalefty

Hint: read from the right..

I enjoy the plates that you have to figure out and they’re amusing.. like the Hummer I saw the other day with the plate “HEVY MTL”… could be in reference to the car.. could be he loves Metallica..   I also dig the ones where you have to really figure it out..  One of my faves was a Ford Escape whose plate read “S CAP EH”.. a Finding Nemo reference for sure!!

Consequently, I have a tendency to look at people’s plates while I’m driving and out and about.. and take pictures of the cool ones.   And even some of the boring ones.. just for fun.  There’s nothing wrong with the ones that say buddy’s name.. they’re just kinda.. well.. dull. I mean, if you’re spending the extra $100 or whatever it is, why not get creative?  After all, you’re going to have that plate for a long time..

People use vanity plates to promote.. tell us all that they love cats or skiing or fishing or what have you.. indicate their sexual preferences or favourite band.. all kinds of interesting things..

petebest

One of my faves ever... it reads PETEBEST.. get it?

Anyone who knows me well knows that I often look for “signs”.. I’ll ask a question of the Universe.. and wait for the “sign”… and interestingly I’ve had several come in the form of plates… One day I was walking.. asked a question and the next 2 cars I saw had the plates “FNTASTC”  and then “PRFCTTIMN”…. which spoke to me… And then just today I found one that said “UNSTUCK”.. also a message.. Like, I mean.. what are the odds?

However, I don’t think I’ll get one.. after all.. all the “BETH” plates are in regular rotation and really it’s kinda boring (although whenever I see one, I take a picture of it. LOL) .. and frankly, I can’t think of anything “plate worthy”.. guess I’m just not vain enough. LOL..

But I’ll keep looking for the funny ones..

unstuck

Here is an album of plates I’ve taken pics of..

and here is a flicker album of some truly hilarious ones..

Life: It’s all good
Love: See above
Pants: Wearing the dog walking pants.. Mocha’s getting restless.. .

100 Truths

This is what I do when I feel slightly lazy about actually writing a blog. I answer these questionnaires. But it’s fun.  I know you’re supposed to put it on your Facebook, but y’know…  I actually do like filling them out when there are some interesting questions..   plus, I usually learn something about myself when I do them..  do your own. You know you want to.
WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. last beverage = Coffee
2. last phone call = Oddly, a wrong number.
3.last text message = a direct message from Twitter.  Other than that, one from Katy.
4. last song you listened to = Jungle Love by Morris Day and the Tyme
5. last time you cried = last week

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. dated someone twice = yes
7. been cheated on = Yes
8. kissed someone & regretted it = ohhhhhh yes
9. lost someone special = yes.
10. been depressed = yes
11. been drunk and threw up = yes.  But not for a very very long time.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
11. Red
12. Black
14. White

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend = yes
16. Fallen out of love = yes
17. Laughed until you cried = Absolutely
18. Met someone who changed you = yes
19. Found out who your true friends were = Absolutely have
20. Found out someone was talking about you = Yes, I always find out.  Wasn’t surprised.
21. Kissed anyone on your friend’s list= Yes.  But not telling which ones…  😉
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life = Most of them in some respect or another.
23. How many kids do you want to have= I have two amazing kids.  One of each. Both terrific humans.
24. Do you have any pets = yes… Mocha the Wonder Dog.   Also have visitation with Barley who lives with the ex.
25. Do you want to change your name = I went from Kubilius to Warren. Go read my blog on names. That’ll answer it.
26. What did you do for your last birthday = I spent time with my family.  I had a lovely birthday dinner with a great friend. I got tattoos with my BFF Jodi (well, a while later).  S’about it.
27. What time did you wake up today = which time?  First time.. about 6am. Went back to sleep.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night =watching tv with Katy. And on the computer. (I know, you’re SHOCKED)
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for! = The next adventure!!

30. Last time you saw your Mother = Couple of weeks ago. And I’ll see her this Sunday.
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? = Have more time.  That I would be more organized.
32. What are you listening to right now = the breeze, outdoor sounds.. nothing in particular.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom = Yes. Not recently.  Perhaps I should call that MySpace guy?
34. What’s getting on your nerves right now = not being able to motivate myself some days.
35. Most visited webpage = Facebook/Twitter and some blogs I regularly read.

PERSONAL:

36. Whats your real name =Elizabeth Ann Margaret Kubilius Warren
37. Nicknames = Beth, Bethany, EvilGenius, Funniest Girl in the World, Promo Princess.
38. Relationship Status = Single. Let’s just leave that one alone.
39: Zodiac Sign= Aries.  Dragon in Chinese horoscope.
40. Male or female? = Female.  Seriously, do you think ANY guys actually fill these things out?

SCHOOLS:
41. Elementary =Glen Echo
42. Middle School = Glen Brae
43. High school/College = Glendale/Mohawk/Conestoga

MORE PERSONAL:
44. Hair colour =dark brown/black
45. Long or short = long
46. Height = 5 foot 4
47. Eyes = hazel/brown
49. Piercings = yes. Move along now.
50. Tattoos = yes, three. Aries symbol at the top of my back, Dragon on left hip area.. LAUGH on my left wrist.
51. Righty or lefty = really really right handed

FIRSTS :
52. First injury = Cracked my head open falling off the bathtub when I was 3
53. First piercing = Ears
54. First best friend = Julie Deumo
55. First sport you joined = Dofasco Minor Bowling League. Oh yeah.
56. First vacation =Four Winds Cottages.. on the Ottawa River (on the Quebec side..)
58. First pair of trainers = Never been that dedicated to buy a certain name brand

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating = nothing. but now have a craving for barbequed meat.
60. Drinking = coffee
61. I’m about to = get jiggy with it. Nah, write some stuff… do some research.
62. Listening to = didn’t we already have this question?  Nothing much.
63. Waiting to = eat.
YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? = Grandkids are next.  And not anytime SOON!!
65. Get Married? = eh… doesn’t look promising at the moment. LOL. But you never know!
66. Career? = Working on something very cool at the moment.

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes = Eyes although the lips are good for kissing.. meh. Both.
68. Hugs or kisses= need both please.
69. Shorter or taller = Taller please. Doesn’t need to be by much.
70. Older or Younger = Older, but negotiable.
71. Romantic or spontaneous = both, each makes the other happen
72. Nice stomach or nice arms = I love arms, absolutely arms
73. Sensitive or loud =  I like both depending on the circumstance (or was that I AM both..)
74. Hook-up or relationship = Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant = Trouble maker.  Not sure if this is “me” or prospective partner but the answer is the same either way.

HAVE YOU:
76. Kissed a stranger =yes
77. Drank hard liquor = yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts = yes
79. Sex on first date = no
80. Broken someone’s heart = Yes, and if I could change it I would, I never intended to
81. Had your own heart broken = yes
82. Been arrested = no
83. Turned someone down = yes
84. Cried when someone died = yes
85. Fallen for a friend? = yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself = Most times
87. Miracles = Absolutely.  I’ve had a couple. Hopefully I haven’t reached my quota!
88. Love at first sight = yes
89. Heaven = yes
90. Santa Claus = I believe in the reason for Santa Claus
91. Kiss on the first date = yes
92. Angels = absolutely

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time = yes. 
95. Did you sing today? = not yet, my set’s not until 10pm.
96. Ever cheated on somebody? = I think that is answered by the “ever date 2 people at once question”

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? = To the time when RIM stock went public. Then I would BUY BUY BUY. Apple too.

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?= Tough call. But I’d have to say no. Everything happens for a reason. Oh wait, there were a couple of… oh, never mind.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? = Nope!
100. Posting this as 100 truths? = yup

Life: Some crazy stuff happening. *fingers crossed*
Love: Nothing to report
Pants: Yup, wearing some. REALLY need to get back on it. I’m getting lazy. TODAY is the day….

What Are You Afraid Of?

I was recently with a group of people when for some strange reason the conversation turned to crazy fears and phobias.  In particular, the fear of midgets or dwarves. (this is called Lollypopguildophobia by the way…)

At this point in the conversation I had to explain to them the difference between midgets (please, no offence intended to those who are “little people” or vertically challenged or whatever the correct terminology is these days) and dwarves.  Midgets or “little people” are overall smaller in stature than people of average height.. yet everything is in proportion.  Dwarfism is when the head and torso are  what is perceived as “normal” stature and the limbs are shorter and not in proportion with the rest of the body. There are many different types. But I digress.

I have run across several people lately who are ridiculously afraid of “little people”.  To the point where they can’t watch “Little People, Big World” or what have you.  They seem to think that if they look the wrong way at someone of short stature that he or she will attack them, or steal their gold or cast an evil spell upon them.  Apparently, too many Grimms’ Fairy Tales growing up.2000400ERF101

The many conversations I’ve had about what scares people have revealed some pretty interesting fears and phobias.  I know several people who are afraid of clowns (Coulrophobia – hey, Johnny Depp has this so you’re in good company..)  a friend who has a fear of balloons (globophobia) and the loud noise that accompanies their demise (could also be ligyrophobia – fear of loud noises).  I know someone with Anthrophobia – Fear of flowers… Podophobia is the fear of feet..  there are a lot of unusual fears that people have.  Including…

  • Arachnophobia – fear of spiders – many many have this.  I just don’t love them is all.
  • Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch – World Cup 2006 – A sea of Orange Clad Drunk Dutch. I understand.
  • Ephebiphobia – Fear of teenagers – every parent I know has this..
  • Equinophobia – Fear of horses – I had this when I was young.  I told people I was allergic.
  • Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds – an understandable one
  • Gamophobia – Fear of marriage – I know a LOT of men who suffer from this one…
  • Gardengnomeaquirophobia. – A fear of Garden gnomes. Really.
  • Glossophobia – Fear of speaking in public – many have this. Me? not so much
  • Genuphobia – Fear of knees – interesting. very odd. but interesting.
  • Geliophobia – Fear of laughter – that would be AWFUL
  • Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia – Fear of long words- looking at that, why wouldn’t you be?
  • Ophidiophobia – Fear of snakes – not uncommon
  • Porphyrophobia – Fear of the color purple – the movie or the play?
  • Pteromerhanophobia – Fear of flying – why should one be afraid of being hurled through the air at thousands of miles per hour in a metal tube?
  • Rupophobia- Fear of dirt – rarely occurs in small children. particularly toddlers.
  • Scolionophobia – Fear of school – plenty of teenagers suffer from this malady
  • Technophobia – Fear of technology – if you are reading this.. YOU HAVE BEEN CURED!
  • Walloonphobia- Fear of the Walloons – I have no idea what a walloon is.
  • Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat – That DOES sound scary…

Now, everyone is afraid of SOMETHING. I can’t think of anything offhand that I am petrified of.. not a fan of rodents or axe murderers,  and if I was confronted with a ghost (Spectrophobia) I’m sure I would be as frightened as Scooby and Shaggy.  However, I don’t have anything that cripples me to the point where I can’t function or leave the house.  And many do. I’ve seen them on Maury Povich.

However, I think everyone has a basic fear of failure.. Atychiphobia.  And sometimes that is more crippling than anything. It causes you to play it safe, to not try to live out your dreams… to not go for that “big job” or life altering decision.  Or in some cases, it prevents you from trying at all.  Or procrastinating.  Fear is misuse of your imagination. So instead of worrying about how you might fail.. think about what it will be like WHEN you succeed.

“I don’t believe in failure. It’s not failure if you enjoyed the process.” – Oprah Winfrey

So, why not just go for it? After all, what are you REALLY afraid of?

Life: Little bit of a conversation with myself there.. in case you missed it. 😉
Love: Not afraid of it.. maybe a wee bit leery..
Pants:  I wish I had a little more  Obesophobia – Fear of gaining weight.  Perhaps that would get me more in gear!

You can check out more fears and phobias on these websites.. www.phobialist.com  www.unusualphobias.com www.listofphobias.org

My Little Boy is Growing Up.

Fourteen years ago today I gave birth to a baby boy.  I don’t remember much of it, but I’ll tell you what I know.

November 1st..1994. I picked up my car at the mechanics. It had been stolen in Hamilton around about October 8th… It was recovered. Repaired. I had just found out I was pregnant.

I drove away in my newly restored car. And was t-boned. Wound up 180 degrees across the street. The newly restored Dodge Shadow was toast. I got cut out by the fire department and they took me to the hospital.

To shorten this up.. my pelvis was fractured and the baby was okay. It was painful but worth it.. fast forward many months and a TON of pounds later… it`s June 8,1995. Election day for Ontario. I was in FULL ACTIVE LABOUR. And I went to vote against Mike Harris. Nuff said. I lean left at the very least.

Josh at about a year.. what a ham!

Josh at about a year.. what a ham!

So at about 3.30 I’m meeting the daughter’s bus from school. A neighbour says “when ya havin” that baby?”  I say.. any minute.

The daughter gets off the bus. We go to the house. My water breaks. My five year old daughter thinks I’ve pee’d on the couch. The water is yellow. Not clear. That’s not good. However. I am trying to shorten the story.

I end up at the hospital and I have to have a Caesarian Section. The baby is transverse (butt down). So thankfully,  he didn’t ingest meconium (he may have ended up brain damaged).   But during the procedure it got tense.  I lost a lot of blood. We both could have died.  They had to put me out because he was “stuck”.  And hence, why I don’t remember much.

I’m shortening it up. I don’t want to be too depressing.

Therefore… after some struggles, Joshua Sade James Warren was born. June 8, 1995. 7 lbs, 2.5 oz. and 21 inches long.    They thought he had been over 10 pounds at one point before he was born, but had lost weight due to some medication I was on.  He had collapsed lungs and had to reside in the Neonatal Care Unit for the first week of his life. 

He is named Joshua as that is a name his father always loved. Sade is his Great Grandfather’s name.  Sade’s 80th birthday party was June 4, 1995 and many asked if I was having the baby that day. I said “only if you have a knife”.  He did NOT want to come out!

James…a take on his dad’s name .. which is legally Jamie. not James. Nor any form thereof. But James sounded good.aladin

Once he was home, Joshua got over his medical problems very quickly and gained a pound a week for about 10 weeks .. he was a robust, happy child. I called him my “chunky monkey”.  He was an adorable little daredevil in his Buzz Lightyear pyjamas.. diving off my dresser and onto the bed yelling  “To infinity and beyond!”

Joshua is my boy.  He is the child that my mother wished for .. .to pay me back for all the trouble I caused as a child. I love him to pieces.

Now, I know everyone thinks that their child is the cutest thing ever. But seriously, Josh really was adorable. Oh, he still is… for a teenager. As a young child he loved “The Little Mermaid” and had to watch it many times a day until the song “Under the Sea” made me slightly insane.  He had a penchant for putting on “shows”.  We’d come home to the living room rearranged into a theatre .. complete with refreshments.. and proceed to dress up and perform interpretative dance to the soundtrack of Titanic… or perhaps Josie and the Pussycats…. or maybe a little something from Aladdin.. complete with fez.surf

When he was a little older he took tap and jazz for a few years and completely stole the show.  He’s always been a showman… a ham.  He’s the kid who crowd surfed at a concert at the age of 9.  He’s fearless. 

Don’t get me wrong.. he’s not always been the best kid in the world.  He’s gotten into more than his share of trouble.  But it’s his birthday so I won’t point out all the bad stuff. 😉

Josh is very smart. When he was in grade 4 he could do his sister’s high school math.  He would actually ask his teacher for MORE HOMEWORK (just math.. not the rest..)  He’s extremely entertaining.  He’s kind (although he pretends to be kind of a jerk.)  He’s a very good singer.. he was one of the few kids who ever got a solo in choir.  He’s musical .. he took guitar for a while and was very good.. and now he wants to take piano.ham

Josh is also easily one of the funniest people I know. He’s incredibly politically incorrect.  Which really was unsettling to many when he was younger.. but now that he’s getting older he’s really growing into his sarcastic sense of humour.  I have no idea where he gets it from…..  He’s also extremely good with money (this I TRULY do not know where he gets it from..) and is looking to get a social insurance number so he can start working this summer.  Any of his major purchases (like his PS3) he’s saved up for himself.

Joshua has been through much considering he’s only been around 14 years. His sister calls him her hero.  He’s more fun to be around than most adults I know.  The hardest part of me living in Barrie has been that I don’t get to see Josh every day.  He makes me laugh hysterically. He’s always had the ability to cheer me up when nothing else could.  He’s taller than me now.   He’s a track star.. came in first in 200 and high jump recently.  He’s good looking .. just don’t tell him he looks like his father.

josh

Josh… I miss you every single day that I don’t see you. And I wish I could be with you on your birthday.  Wow. You’re 14.  That’s crazy considering I’m pretty sure that yesterday you were falling on the sidewalk and crying for mommy to make it better.  But now you’re growing up. Way too fast I might add.  But, I guess these things happen.

Happy Birthday Joshie.  I love you more than you’ll ever know.

Life: All life is good.
Love: I love Josh.
Pants: Headed out with the dog soon. Mocha also wishes Josh a Happy Birthday and says she loves him best.

Doodling Around

I have a love of doodling.

I like to use blue papermate pens.. they feel good in my hand and write nicely.. and I like to draw things when I am on the phone or in meetings etc.  I seem to mostly draw hearts and flowers .. which is very odd considering I am not a flowery girly girl type of person.  Yet, when I doodle I draw flowers over and over again.. and hearts… very rarely geometric designs.

I sometimes draw little cartoonish type faces… not necessarily people I know, but  I have been known to charicature my friends.. I’m pretty good sometimes actually.  I also have a weird OCD stalkerish tendency to write peoples’ names over and over again.. I’m sure it would freak some people out if they knew it was THEIR name I was doodling.. doodlebut honest, I’m not writing “MRS” before any of their names. Specifically the girls..

I decided to look up what my little drawings meant,  seeing as I seem to be doing a lot of it lately.. filling pages upon pages of notebooks with weird hieroglyphics. 

Most often, doodling happens out of boredom.. when you’re in a meeting or on the phone. And often it’s an outlet for frustrated creativity.. putting on paper ideas that are locked somewhere in our brains.  Some doodles or shapes have meanings.. I decided to look up what mine are supposed to mean. (By the way, I have been basically drawing the same type doodles for years…)

Faces apparently mean that I’m a “people person”.  Indicative of being friendly, enjoys being around others, sees the positive in people and situations and is optimistic.  I’d pretty much agree with that one.  I like people. I think they are pretty cool.  Except for really cranky ones. Or mean ones.

Flowers are indicative of a friendly sociable nature.. “Doodles of flowers indicate a gentle personality, a love of nature, sometimes childlike innocence or wistfulness…”  Again, I agree.  I’m sociable. Except when I’m being a hermit.  And if childlike means immature.. well… Oddly, I will not wear anything with an obvious floral pattern.. nor do I have any time of “flowery” stuff in my home.

Hearts.. apparently means I’m in love. Or in love with love.  This, I’m not so sure of.  Hmmm… maybe it just means I like drawing hearts…   (check your own doodles by clicking here…) 

However, I’m not too sure I place a ton of creedence in doodling as psychoanalysis. 

Apparently in  January 2005, some doodles were found on the desk of British Prime Minister Tony Blair and were discussed by psychologists and handwriting experts as to their meaning. According to the BBC ,  newspaper stories indicated that the doodler was   “struggling to concentrate” and “not a natural leader”. However, it was later revealed that a mistake had been made and the doodles were not the work of Mr. Blair.  In fact, the doodles were drawn by a visitor to Number 10 Downing Street – Bill Gates. 

Yeah, I hear he’s a bit of a slacker.

 Life: Not sure I really learned anything from my doodles, other than I draw a pretty good picture of a pig. 
Love: I draw hearts all the time. Nuff said.
Pants: Mostly I draw faces and rarely bodies. So they are pantless…. so to speak.

The famous Inside the Actor’s Studio Questionnaire

Inside the Actors Studio is a series on the Bravo cable television channel, hosted by James Lipton. While most of the show is a one-on-one interview conducted by Lipton, this is followed by the host submitting a questionnaire to the guest. The questionnaire concept was originated by French television personality Bernard Pivot, after the Proust Questionnaire.
I got this from my lovely friend Kelly via FB but felt like doing it on the blog… You know the drill, fill it in, post it, tag your friends…someday they could be famous and actually on BRAVO taking the quiz inside the Actor’s Studio. Or not….

1) What turns you on?
Smart and Funny. I’d pick average looking dude with wicked smarts and sense of humour over washboard stomach boy any day of the week. However, if washboard stomach boy is also super funny and smart… well…

2) What turns you off?
Extreme arrogance. Cruelty. Rudeness. Violence.

3) What is your favorite word?
Laugh. I collect signs that say laugh.. so does my BFF Jodi. We are getting tattoos of the word on our wrists as a constant reminder. Sometimes it’s all you can do in order to not go crazy.

4) What is your least favorite word?
Stupid. My children were not allowed to say it growing up. Idiot. Anything that makes others feel bad.
as an aside… I have two friends who hate the word “panties”. And another friend who will retch if you say the word “caterpillar”. Not kidding. I haven’t any such strong feelings about any words.

5) What sound or noise do you love?
Sound of my own voice, obviously…. kidding. My children’s voices. The bass in a song. Laughter.

6) What sound or noise do you hate?
The sound of screeching brakes and shattering glass. I’ve been in too many accidents.

7) What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Games show host. Writer. Millionaire.

8) What profession other than yours would you not want to attempt?
Politician . Accountant. Anything that involves sweating or cleaning up bodily fluids.

9) What is your favorite swear word?
F _ _ K . Specifically.. “F_ _KIN’ F_ _KERS”.

10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say to you as you enter the Pearly Gates?
Well, it was touch and go there for a while.. but.. you pulled it off.. best part is, Satan now owes me $50….

Life: No news
Love: The only boys who seem to like me live far away. LOL. I need to move or something..
Pants: Lost 4 pounds this week. However, that was after gaining a couple.. so doing OK.

Ya Gotta Have Friends…

“Friend – a person known well to another and regarded with liking, affection and loyalty.” – Collins English Dictionary

I had the opportunity to get together with a friend this week… I had not seen her in months as we no longer live close.. she lives out of the country during the winter months…

Karen and I have been friends for about 12 years.. and we’ve been through a lot together.. tough times, moving, fiances, weddings, divorces, falling in love, falling out of love, laughter, tears and many, many bottles of wine. We spent the evening catching up on everything that had been happening in the last several months.. and once again there was laughter, a few tears.. and of course, the ever present wine.

I’ve had many friends over the years.. check my “friends list” on Facebook.. there are 834 at the present count. These are “friends” from grade school, high school, various jobs, the music industry, and various and sundry misadventures associated with all of them. I would consider everyone on my friend list a friend of some regard.. but when FB installed the friend categories.. I was a little stumped at how to “group” people (so I have not.. ) but this combined with my Karen visit got me thinking about the various friendships I have had over the years.

My first best friend was Julie. One day I just walked into her back yard while she was having a tea party with her mom and uncle. We became fast friends at the age of three.. had our first sleepovers together… played “wedding” (I was always the groom as I had short hair and she was the girly girl..)… first day of school together. We were BFFs until grade 3.. she went to that grade.. I went directly to grade four. The social hierarchy changed.. and I was now running with a different crowd.. interestingly, Julie became BFFs with my sister.. and they are still friends.

I have always had a lot of male friends.. not as many “girl” friends. The first friends I hung out with regularly were the neighbourhood boys.. Stevie, Brian, Mario and Marky. We would play “Flintstones” and climb trees and ride bikes and do cool stuff where you got dirty. I was more of a tomboy and preferred that to playing the groom in various wedding or house scenarios. But then again.. I skipped a grade and.. got new friends.

Through grades 4-8 and into high school I pretty much hung out with the same group of girls.. Bambi, Crystal, Trish and Starr (yes, real names..) But I always had different “groups” of friends.. there were always the male friends… the groups of girls.. the kids in band and math club.. different friends for different social situations… Grades 7/8 and into high school, Lynn was one of my best buddies.. Judy and I were friends all through grade school and beyond…

In high school there was a group of 11 girls… Bambi named us “The Natural Highs”.. each one of us had a flavour name.. Vanilla, Chocolate, Butterscotch.. etc.. I was Cinnamon. We hung out, partied… had fun. But I always felt not quite comfortable with “girl” friends.. just a certain element of competition I guess.

I preferred hanging out with the boys.. Craig, Tony, Mike and Joe. Sitting in Mike’s basement listening to CFNY and “punk”.. Elton Motello, the Pistols, Jane County and the Electric Chairs.. all the interesting music Mike’s older brother turned our way.. we had a lot of fun together. Plus, Craig was my boyfriend.. so the making out factor certainly weighed into the equation.

And of course, I must mention my spare period BFF and Hallway patrol partner Steve. We’d randomly stop younger kids asking to see their hall passes (we didn’t have them at our school).. just because we were silly. Stephen and I are still friends.. which makes me very happy.

In college I was inseparable from Avril.. we did everything together. Talked, partied, school work.. you name it.. we liked to spend time with Wayne, John and Paul.. roommates who lived in her building. And of course we hung out with people in our class.. Al, Tony, John… George .. (please notice I remember all the guys and not so much the girls…) Oddly, still keep in touch with a few people from college, but most weren’t in my class. Funny that. And through the magic of Facebook have had the pleasure of catching up and reconnecting with a few.

I’ve made friends wherever I’ve gone.. some good friends, some great friends.. some for the time being and some for what seems like forever. I have people still in my life that I’ve known for 25, 30 years or more.. there has to be a reason why I think. Some connection that just never goes away. I met my friend Mark when we were dating members of the same family.. those relationships broke up.. he and I wound up working together.. and through years and distance and everything else we somehow end up still staying in touch after more than 25 years. Crazy.

I just find it interesting thinking about what makes people friends.. and what KEEPS them friends. One of my best friends ever is named Ami. She and I became friends by happenstance.. she phoned my house one night for a business reason and I answered the phone by yelling into it “TURN ON CHANNEL THREE!! RANDY BACHMAN IS ON THE SIMPSONS!!” I can’t recall if I was just excited that I knew someone on the Simpsons or if I thought she was someone else.. We quickly became fast friends.. and I was even the maid of honour at her wedding. But, with moves.. and career changes and everything that happens in life.. we’ve drifted apart. Completely my fault I believe. One of my personal goals for the not too distant future will be to reconnect with Ami. I miss her a lot. (Please note that instead of procrastinating about this, I actually found her phone number and called her .. like.. just now. I got her machine and I left her a goofy message involving me singing a song about her, eating some ribs and other nonsense. I am not right in the head. You already knew that.)

I think sometimes many friendships are based on convenience.. whether or not you see those people regularly. I know that since I moved north, there are BFFs that I don’t hear from as often. And of course since my employment situation changed there are another whole bunch that I have not been as close to. It happens. But the people I consider my true friends are the ones who make the effort to keep in touch.. to touch base.. to see how you are. Mind you, I’ve had friendships that have “gone by the wayside” because of location, distance.. what have you.. One of my best friends in my 20’s .. Mona/Lisa (depending on how you know her..) and I have always attempted to keep in touch and often go years without seeing each other.. but we somehow pick up where we left off.

“Misfortune shows those who are not really friends.” – Aristotle

It’s only in my adult life that I’ve had good “girlfriends”.. women with whom I can commisserate about men, love, children, female crap… the whole kit and caboodle..

Kelly was my first “grown up” girl friend I think.. interestingly, she was the ex girlfriend of the man I married.. she was in my wedding party.. I love her to death. She lives in Singapore now and we’ve done the “drifting apart”.. another person who I’d like to see back in my life.

Jennifer and I met many years ago .. and ended up working together years later.. and quickly became best friends. She’s a combination of friend and surrogate daughter for me.. hence my title “the new mommy”. We’ve been through ridiculous amounts of fun and pain together .. and there are more adventures on the way I’m sure.. what with me moving.. and her having a baby and all.. even though we’re in different cities at the moment we still manage to stay connected.

Carmen and I met and became instant friends.. we talk often and somehow just have that “click” .. I guess you’d call it.. just immediate camraderie. We started calling each other BFF’s immediately .. and we really are.

Cathy and I met many years ago and our paths have crossed enough times that we figured out that we are likely meant to be friends for life. We’ve been there for each other enough times to know.

Interestingly, one of my best friends is also an “ex”.. Fernando and I were together for a few years and shared a lot.. split last year and it was tough. But now we are in a place where we really are best friends. Which makes me happy that we didn’t have to cut each other out of our lives.

The person I call my “heterosexual life partner”.. is my friend Jodi.. We met through work several years ago.. and coincidentally lived in the same neighbourhood.. and again, just one of those “clicks”. We will often joke that we wish one of us was a man, or we were both gay.. because then I’m certain we’d be spending our lives together .. and hence the “heterosexual life partner”.. we spend all major holidays together and this past Christmas renamed our unusual family unit “The Warrcrookens” – a combination of both our last names.. Jodi and I have had more than our share of misadventures. I believe this weekends’ involves liquor and tattoos. No, not kidding.

And I also have a huge group of what I call “virtual friends”.. people with whom I speak with literally every day but don’t see in person.. people who probably know more about me than people who see me in person regularly.. Evan.. Irvine..Kelly…. Michelle.. my new friend Kyle.. and a few others … people who I consider to also be great friends despite distance or lack of physical contact.

I guess the common thread with any friendship is stuff in common.. I know that with all of the friendships I cherish, its likely the easy ability to laugh..and of course love.. Laughter is my favourite thing in the world.. if you can make me laugh.. we’ll get along fine..

I have a plaque on my hallway wall that reads “A friend is a gift you give yourself”. It was a gift from Ami years ago. It fell at one point and broke but I glued it together again and put it back up. and I guess I kind of think of laughter and love as the glue that will hopefully put back together some of those neglected and broken friendships.. fingers crossed.

Life: Is in flux. Glad to have so many good friends to lean on during the tough times.
Love: I believe love is friendship on fire. I read that on a travel mug or bumper sticker somewhere. Yeah, its very uh.. mushy. LOL
Pants: Pretty much all of my friends wear pants. Just an FYI.

Smart and Funny Required. Idiots and Dumbasses need not apply………

Well I had no one to kiss at midnight on New Year’s. Sure, I had my BFF Jodi…. and Mocha the wonderdog, but it’s just not the same thing.

Unfortunately, I have been “unattached” for a while now…… I was married for 15 years.. then had a steady boyfriend (who I shall call Fernando – he likes it, I already checked….) for over 3 years. When I decided to move to Central Ontario, Fernando was not too impressed. Originally it seemed as if he might join me, but after 6 months apart, things just weren’t working out and he broke it off.

So, after my broken heart healed up a bit, I thought perhaps I’d enjoy some male companionship. However, I worked all the time…. and didn’t ever meet anyone….. and so spent all my nights alone…… What’s a girl to do?

Well, being the computer geek that I am, I thought why not try the online thing…? Soooooooo found a decent picture of myself, wrote some funny stuff, and posted a profile. And waited… but not for long….. I soon after starting getting emails from guys who apparently found me attractive. Super. Except for the fact that I did NOT find THEM attractive.

Listen, I’m not totally into money or cars or whatever. I am not super obsessed with the looks thing. Like, I like a good looking guy as much as the next cougar.. but I find really unusual guys attractive. I like funny and smart. As long as buddy’s not hideous, I’m okay with that. As long as they can hold up their end of the conversation and make me laugh fairly regularly, we’re good. But SERIOUSLY people.. some of these guys… it’s not even so much what they look like, it’s the fact that some of these guys are just not right. Not Mr. Right, Not-Right-For-Me… just not right in the head.

I think I’m reasonably good looking for my age.. I’m pretty charming and funny and intelligent. So WHY are all these OLD MEN contacting me??? Who are these 4o somethings who look like they’re one of my parents’ friends??? And who in the name of sweet baby Jesus do they think they are?? In their emails they abuse such words as “handsome” and “smart” to describe themselves. They then proceed to send me poorly written, monosyllabic emails and apparently expect me to likely swoon and let them ravage me.

Please enjoy a real email I received from someone who was interested in chatting… I did not make this up. This isn’t even the “best” one:

hello there fun love to have i find humur in most things and yes i rock out to most music but i must say i love led zepplin the best i also love the outdoors camping canoeing having a few by the fire with some good jokes if i have sparked an intrest drop me a line or 2 .

I’m sure you can imagine the speed at which I responded to that. Typing so fast that the keyboard nearly started on fire. Riiiiiiiiiight. Did buddy really expect me to respond? My profile said I wanted SMART and FUNNY. Apparently in cyber world this translates to “I am looking for pretty much illiterate and still wearing the mullett he grew in high school”.

Then of course there are the REALLY great catches.. the sex machines. The guys who email something reasonably entertaining and then once you start chatting with them on MSN… yikes! Normal conversation is “hey, how are ya? what’s your favourite colour? Do you like dogs?” Not, “I want to dom you.. want to cam?” Just the kind of guy you want to take home to mother.

Sure, I’ve made a few online friends.. and there’s still a couple of them I continue to talk to on MSN, so you never know. But on the whole, I guess it’s just not for me. Therefore I hereby tender my resignation from internet dating. I’ve decided to go back to meeting boys the old fashioned way…. at the bar.

Life: Nothing to report
Love: Did you not read the above? Nothing to see here…..
Pants: Still down 4 lbs. However, I am starving.