Tag Archives: exercise

100 Posts…

I just noticed today that I had surpassed 100 posts.

That’s a lot of words.  It would appear that I have a lot to talk about.. Or more likely I’m just longwinded ..a bit of a babbler..

Regardless, I was taking a look at the original reasons that I started this blog… and thought I’d see how much I’d “progressed”.. if at all….

So, to revisit.. Here are what amounts to my New Year’s resolutions.. and thoughts on the same…

one of my many recent adventures.. this was Oktoberfest.. good times!!

  • Get a job. Preferably one I love and can utilize my skills – mocking others and my insane knowledge of useless trivial information. I am thinking “game show host”.

I, unfortunately, have not become a game show host. I KNOW! What a waste!  However, I have discovered that my ultimate goal is to be a writer.. well, I’m already a writer… but I mean write and get paid for it… like, huge money.. . You know, be on Oprah and stuff.. … Now, as far as the job dealio is concerned, I haven’t secured a traditional 9-5 thing.. which is great.. because I’m really not a 9-5 type of chick.. One thing I’ve discovered is that I like working from home.. or wherever I happen to be.. and also like to work at weird hours (that’s the bohemian creative thingy there methinks..)  So, I’m doing some consulting work.. which is very, very cool. I like it.

  • Move. I love the house I bought. LOVE IT. That’s the biggest bitch about this whole deal. However, I want to live closer to Waterloo where I can see my kids more regularly and be near my friends and people that I love. Do they have any game shows in Waterloo?

I DID move.. to St. Catharines.. to live with my BFF Jodi.  Which is awesome because she rocks.  However, ultimately want to be back in the K-Dub.  I love Kitchener-Waterloo. A LOT.  Big fan.  I am saying aloud that I plan on being back by February.. putting it out into the Universe, so to speak.. gonna make it happen!

  • Find me a boyfriend. I like boys. A lot. However, I seem to be somewhat smarter than many of them and this seems to scare them off. Or it’s my insane good looks. Or my lack of ego. Or the fact that I have spent the last month in my rec room and actually don’t meet humans. I am also removing myself from any internet dating crap (more on that another time). Time to put on my big girl pants and meet aforementioned humans.

This is a tricky one. You see.. I haven’t been ENTIRELY truthful when it comes to the “love” section of the blog.. well, I did take myself off all the internet dating stuff.. mind you, I had a relapse and went back on for a bit.. Chatted with a few guys.. but.. really didn’t have any interest in meeting most.. met a couple.. and.. yeah, not so much. And, removed myself again.

So, to be truthful about this.. hmmm… well, I’ve had some “dates”..  and they were fun and all.. a couple of boys that I liked.. but.. y’know.. nothing came of it.. didn’t work out for various reasons.. so there ya go.

And I’ve rethought this actually.. I guess I don’t so much want a “boyfriend” as just a social life.. which I actually have!! I’ve had a lot of fun lately.. meeting new people and doing fun stuff with some great friends. And really.. fun is the operative word.. I mean, I could “have a boyfriend” if I REALLY wanted one.. I get asked out and stuff. . but.. I want the “right” guy.. ..smart and funny.. Should I be cruising the Perimeter Institute? Comedy clubs?

I know there’s a guy out there for me.. the Universe will send him my way when it’s the right time.. 😉  So I’m in no rush.. and not worried about it. Obviously whoever he is is just not ready for me yet.  After all, I AM a lot to handle….  I’ll just have fun in the meantime!

  • Adopt a healthier lifestyle. i.e. more veggies, less crap, less liquor (unless it’s a special occasion, like, Tuesday..) more exercise. This will be my greatest challenge as you actually have to get off the couch….

This one.. I’ve been.. pretty good with.. I have been eating less crap.. and have been getting more exercise (really should do more crunches though..) I walk dogs for about 60-90 minutes a day (about 5-6K) and all my pants are too big.. so that’s going pretty well. Less liquor?  Well.. ..  let’s put it this way.. if I DIDN’T do all the walking, I’d likely weigh about 300lbs…

So I actually think I’ve done pretty well with them… I’m happy with my progress. But… still working on it and it’s getting better every day…

Life: It’s all good!
Love: I love my life, my friends, my family….. and Kitchener-Waterloo!
Pants: As I said.. they’re bigger.. I’ve moved in a belt notch and just last night a friend told me I was looking skinny. Yay!

Have You Ever Ever Lost An Elephant?

I’m going out to buy a record player today. Yes, I am cutting edge.

I’ve kept only one toy from my childhood.. a brown stuffed dog named Jingles.  The pup was a gift on my fifth birthday from my Grandmother… and was my cherished companion every night when I slept.  Many nights I cuddled Jingles.. whispering secrets.. sometimes a few tears…MMRecordPlayer2

Jingles disappeared at one point around the time I was about 30.  I figured it would turn up eventually.. somewhere in the house.  Around the same time, one of my daughter’s first toys.. a small black lamb named “Bobby” (get it? Baaaaaabby…)  also went missing. Despite many searches, they remained lost.

Flash forward five years.. one day I was taking my son Josh to school and was having a chat with his grade 2 teacher when I looked down at the toy shelf.. and there was Jingles!  “That’s my dog!” I exclaimed and went on to “prove” it.. one of Jingles eyes was chipped.. and he had a wire inside him to hold his shape.. it was still bent inside from my many nights of cuddling…

And sitting beside Jingles… was Bobby!!

Mrs. Hardy and I figured out that Katy brought the toys for show and tell and forgot them. They had been sitting in her class ever since.. being played with by countless children over the course of 5 years..  Thankfully, Mrs. Hardy let me take both toys back.. Obviously, we were meant to get Jingles and Bobby back…. Katy and both have these precious childhood souvenirs on display in our respective bedrooms.

Twice recently I had occasion to talk about another childhood toy.. the Mickey Mouse record player.

My sisters and I received it for Christmas from Santa one year along with 100 kids 45’s .. we had picked it out ourselves whilst browsing through the Sears Wish Book. That Santa is SMRT.

We’d play all the records.. and dance around..

My youngest sister, Lara, was very fond of the record player and would play music all day long while Barb and I were at school.  In particular, Lara enjoyed “The Elephant Song”.  She would play the  same 45 over, and over, and over…. again.  My mother drew little elephants on the label so that Lara would know which record it was..

This song has special  notoriety in my family as a result.. .when we were much younger, the three of us started “performing” the song for our cousins and such amid much laughter. There’s a musical interlude in the song.. and when singing it at one point for said relatives, when we got to that part, we elected to insert a “nose solo”. It brought the house down.

As a result of our unique singing ability, my sisters and I have been coerced into singing said musical masterpiece at various family functions.. particularly weddings…. the nose solo is still the highlight of the tune.

So twice in the last week the subject of the infamous Elephant Song and the Mickey Mouse Record player has come up. I’ve never been able to find this song on the interwebs.. and I’ve never run across anyone else who’s even heard of the song.. until I sing it for them in my most operatic  vibrato…  Katy and I even performed the song one evening for her boyfriend… and yes, he lost it at the nose solo….

I was out for a walk yesterday and while waltzing down King Street I looked into a store window… and there it was!! The Mickey Mouse record player!  Mickey’s outstretched arm across the turntable as if he was pointing at me.. “Beth! Look! It’s your old pal Mickey!”

I am a huge believer in “signs”.. and this one was certainly directed at me.  On the turntable? No, not the elephant song, but a 45 about “Meditation and Self Realization”… message noted, Universe.

I’ve been re-evaluating and soul searching and working on various self improvement for a while now.. and I certainly believe this message was aimed directly at me.. plus, the thought of that record player and the joy it brought us brings back many happy memories..

I had dogs with me, so couldn’t go in… I called the store later in the day and yes, it’s for sale. I’m going to get it today… and perhaps look through their 45’s for the aforementioned paean to pachyderms…

I’ve never, ever lost an elephant… but I did lose my stuffed dog once.. but more importantly, I’m continually finding out more about myself every day.

The Elephant Song
Have you ever ever lost an elephant? It’s really quite a silly thing to do
But there’s something even sillier.. and that is losing two
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste.
(insert nose solo)
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste…
Arthur and Celeste….
Arthur and Celeste…..Arthur! Celeste!….

Life: The universe is conspiring on my behalf
Love: I love when interesting things happen
Pants: Walking a lot every day.. for exercise and for the adventures!

What I learned by Seeing a Dog get Hit by a Car….

I didn’t intend to post twice today.. but when the mood strikes.. there ya go.

I saw a dog get hit by a car today. 

these dogs were leashed and therefore made it home safely.

these dogs were leashed and therefore made it home safely.

I took the wonderdogs.. Barley and Mocha… out for a big walk.  We started out on the  Iron Horse trail and kept walking…. I was enjoying the crisp autumn air.. the falling leaves… and the dogs themselves (except for when they tangled around me and tried to trip me.  I think it was on purpose too.. you THINK they’d be more grateful.)

We hiked up the trail past the Stampede Corral and then took a turn along a piece of the path that we hadn’t yet explored.  It curved around and we ended up on a little sidestreet which emptied out back onto Stirling… so we turned that way to head back home.

As we strode along there were suddenly two small dogs at my heels.. one looked to be a pug and the other some type of pointy dog.. and consequently I had dog leads wrapped around me and four dogs sniffing and exploring one another amidst some growling (from Mocha, of course..) 

These dogs did not have collars on.. and as Mocha is sometimes not good with other dogs, they frankly made me a little nervous despite their small stature.  I kept trying to walk.. but they kept following.. and Mocha was not liking it.  Suddenly a woman called out behind me and asked that I stop as she couldn’t run to get the dogs as she was pregnant.  I stopped… but then her dogs ran away.. far ahead of me.  So I walked a bit further… they came back to me again.. so I stopped so she could catch up.  I turned around and she was gone.. I saw her at the far end of the street walking back toward her home.

Sooooo.. I continued walking.. hoping these dogs would have the sense to head home as well.. but they bolted again and ran far ahead.  I crossed the street .. hoping to get back on the path and out of sight of the two pups.  But suddenly they turned around and came running back again.. one of them spotted us across the street and came bounding across… barely being missed by one car, but then getting clocked by a second vehicle as I watched in horror.

The pug immediately jumped up yelping.. the driver pulled to the side (God bless you sir) and the dog went running best he could.. limping and yelping toward home… with no sign of his buddy in sight.  A man much further down the street picked up the dog and appeared to be taking it toward his home.

A man doing yardwork asked if I knew these dogs.. whose they were.. I had never seen them before.. we chatted briefly about it.. then I headed back on the path toward home.

During my walk I had been debating about doing something… weighing pros and cons…. reasoning.. and hadn’t reached a decision.  However, I am and have always been a “everything for a reason” type of person.

It illustrated to me that things can change in a heartbeat. An instant. One minute you are out frolicking.. the next minute you’ve been smacked upside the head. 

I wouldn’t have turned for home leaving my dogs on such a busy street… but I don’t know what that woman’s situation is.  Neither would my dogs be running around without collars.  But.. you can’t force your opinions on others.. nor can you control someone else’s actions.

 Therefore, I’m going with my gut. I’ve made my decision. And whatever happens with it… I’m happy about it. I feel it’s the right thing to do.

Carpe Diem. Seize the day.  Because in a fingersnap, it can all change. 

And keep your dogs on a leash.

Yes, Another Questionnaire..

Got this via email the other day… and as I’ve mentioned before I actually do like them… I often will learn something about whoever sent it.. and sometimes the questions are pretty interesting.. plus, if I post it, then I don’t have to think of something to write about. Yes, I’m lazy sometimes. 

35 ODD Things about Beth Warren (like there wasn’t enough oddities known about me already…)pic

Feel free to cut, paste, change answers to your own and email to half the free world. Or not. Do whatever you want.. you will anyway…

1. Do you like blue cheese?  Yes, yes I do. I like pieces of bleu cheese in salad in particular. With some pear and pecans and field greens. I also like dipping celery in it. I feel ripped off if they bring me Ranch with the chicken wings…

2. Have you ever smoked? Yes.
3. Do you own a gun?  No.  Not my thing. I’ve never even fired one. Although I did apply to the OPP when I was in my 20’s. 

4. What flavor Kool-Aid was your favorite when you were a kid? Orange I think… Liked Strawberry too.
5. Do you ever wish you could click “undo” in your life like you do on your computer?  Yes.  Usually follows a rash decision involving too much wine and a telephone.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I like em.  I like them with tomatoes and onions, in particular. There’s a great place in Burlington called Easterbrooks which has about a billion kinds of hot dogs and old bottled pop and it’s all old and funky. Haven’t been there for years. I hope it doesn’t suck now.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? It’s a Wonderful Life.. The Grinch who Stole Christmas (I have all the lyrics to the song written out..)

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?   Water and Coffee
9. Can you do push ups? Yes I can. Not tons of them, but a few…

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? The cross necklace I always wear.  My grandmother used to give us money and we’d buy ourselves something from her. I bought this necklace and have worn it for about 25 years.  It also has a charm from Thailand on it that means “peace” and it’s from my friend Kelly.  She was hoping it would bring me some.

11. Favorite hobby?  Writing weird things.  Playing on the computer. I really like painting.. but don’t do much of it anymore.. I like creative things.

 12. Do you have A. D. D.?  LOOK A PUPPY!   Huh? what was the question…?

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? Just for computer..well, I’m SUPPOSED to,  but often forget.

14. Middle name?  Ann Margaret – Ann is on my birth certificate… Margaret is my confirmation name, but I use it. I like it.

15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Packing… I’m hungry…

16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Coffee, Water, Wine

17. Current worry?  Whether I’m going to be able to get everything into the storage cube… yikes. I have a lot of stuff.

18. Current hate right now?  I hate packing.

19. How did you bring in the new year? Hanging out in St. Catharines with my BFF Jodi.

20. Where would you like to go?   Italy, various countries in Europe… Mexico. Lots of places. Las Vegas!
21. Name three people who will complete this: Jodi perhaps, Michelle, and maybe Avril…

22. Do you own slippers? Yes but I never wear them. They make my feet hot.

23. What color shirt are you wearing? White tank top

24 . Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?  No. They are too slippery. I like cotton.

25. Can you whistle? Yes, but not well.. can’t do a “hockey whistle”. But then again, I never played hockey.

26. Where are you now? At my home for the next few days – my house in Barrie.. still packing..

27. Would you be a pirate? Aye matey

28. What songs do you sing in the shower? I don’t sing in the Shower
29. Favorite Girl’s Name?  Kaitlin/Katy… Lara… when I was young I liked girls names that you could shorten into boys names and I swore I’d name my daughter Roberta and call her Bobbi. Katy is thankful I got over that.  
30. Favorite boy’s name? Joshua, John, Jack, anything Biblical or Celtic pretty much.

31. What is in your pocket right now?   Lint
32. Last thing that made you laugh?  My BFF Jodi, my crazy dog Mocha running around the yard.

33. Worst Injury you’ve ever had? Broke my right hip in a car accident. Had to be cut out of the car. Crutches/cane for months. yikes.
34. Do you love where you live? I Love My house but don’t like living in Barrie.. hence the move next week!

35. How many TVs do you have in your house? FOUR! far too many!  One in each bedroom and a giant one in the rec room. Most are going into storage however…


Life: is taken up with packing right now
Love: No news
Pants: been much better with the working out. Yay!

A Year From Now

A year from now you’ll wish you’d started today. – Karen Lamb

I read that recently and I keep saying it over and over in my head.calendar

A year ago, I was preparing to move into my house.. the first house I had ever owned.  To recap … during the last year, I was broken up with, bought a house.. then lost my job.. now have sold the house and I’m preparing to move.. again.  And unfortunately.. as it it with human nature, I have played the “What if?” game in my head.  What if I had done this.. or that.. or the other thing.

Needless to say, it’s an exercise in futility.  And it’s annoyed the crap out of a few of my friends who wish I would stop calling them in the middle of the night to lament my situation and sing “Wind Beneath My Wings”.  But I digress. Again.

Everyone does it.. think about how if they’d only bought RIM stock or Apple, back in the day… or if I had only stuck with the exercise program I started at Lady Fitness in 1984 I’d be freakin’ CUT by now… but.. hindsight is 20/20 and uh, yeah… not going to change anything.

While I was packing up my house I ran across a “self help” book I purchased about 5 years ago and never finished.  I started it with the best of intentions … I would use this tool to help re-create and re-invent myself. 

The book mark was at page 43.  And I’m a fast reader usually.. I mean, when the new “Harry Potter” would come out, I’d finish that bad boy in 24 hours… you couldn’t stop me. I’d read non-stop until I had finished the whole thing.

While perusing this manual of self improvement I noticed another piece of paper toward the back of the book. It was a list I drew up in 2004 of things that I wanted to change about me, about my life.  Things that I needed to let go of, to get over, to get past… in order to be happy.

I’m sorry to say that out of the list of five things, only two I’ve accomplished.  Mind you, the two items I DID accomplish were HUGE.  Large, life changing stuff .. that of which I will not share with you here as frankly, it’s none of your business.. and deeply personal. 

But, the three remaining items… if I HAD done those things.. how different would my life be RIGHT NOW?  I will never know.  And there is no point in trying to figure that out.   These three items are still on my “to do” list.  Still things I wish to accomplish.

So today a new list will be written. I’ll finish reading the book and I hope these changes will improve my life. 

A year from now Iwill be able to tell you.  I’m starting today.

Life: Packing, packing, packing.
Love: I do not love packing. Not at all.
Pants: I’ve been pretty good with the exercise. I’ll let you know in a year. 😉

According to these results, you’ve been dead for weeks…

I was speaking with someone the other day about the state of the economy, among other things.  She had just lost her job and we were comparing war stories.  She asked me what was the scoop with me and I gave her the Reader’s Digest version… changed jobs, moved 2 hours away from my kids, had a relationship break up, bought a house, lost the job I moved for…put house up for sale, preparing to move AGAIN, had some illness in the family…

“Oh my god! It’s a wonder you’re not dead!” she exclaimed.  “You have had pretty much the entire top 10 most stressful things that can happen in your life all in one year!”

That kind of got me to thinking… yes, it has been very stressful. That’s part of the reason I started blogging.. well, other than to keep me off internet dating and online poker sites.  I felt that if I was going through some major life changes, maybe by writing about these things I could laugh it off.. maybe learn something about myself.  On occasion I can be mildly amusing…. as for learning stuff.. well.. that I’m not sure of.  I can be a little thick…

“The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.” – Mark Twain

No, I’m kidding. I’ve learned many things.. I’ve learned who my friends are, for sure.  Oddly, I’ve made a bunch of new friends out of the circumstance.  So there are plusses and minuses.  Good points, bad points.. but I think you’re picking up what I’m throwing down…

Needless to say, I thought I’d look up the most stressful things and found this stress test… and another couple of them.  I did several versions. And they all had pretty much the same outcome.

• 300 and over High susceptibility to stress-related illness
Daily practice of relaxation skills is very important for your wellness. Take care of it now before a serious illness erupts or an affliction becomes worse.

Yup. Good to know. My score was 661.   Apparently, I should have died of a massive stress related coronary by now. 

I sat there and starting thinking about why I wasn’t more stressed… maybe I SHOULD be feeling more stress..?  Shouldn’t I be laying in a puddle on the floor weeping about now?  Or am I in a constant state of denial?

I looked up stress relievers and found some interesting information.  Nothing too wacky or out of the box, but I few that I’m going to try because I haven’t… perhaps they will help some.  Oddly, I have unknowingly been doing some without really thinking about it as stress relief… walking..exercising..  journalling/blogging..trying to eat better.  But number 11.. Laughter.. is likely what has kept me (relatively) sane.  That and the friends who provide me with aforementioned laughs. laugh

“An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.”- Tom Boddett

Laughter has always been a big part of my life.. it’s one of my favourite things, really. Likely why I had crushes on comedians rather than rock stars.  I collect signs that say LAUGH.. they’re all over my house.  I’ve had enough misery in my life for several lifetimes.. and I’ve chosen laughing over crying.  And as a constant reminder, I recently had my own personal LAUGH sign tattooed on my left wrist. 

“A thing derided is a thing dead; a laughing man is stronger than a suffering man.” – Gustave Flaubert

So I shall continue to try to maintain my optimism through laughter since it appears it’s the only thing keeping me out of the grave.  If whatever doesn’t kill you truly makes you stronger.. then I’m Herculean.

Life: Chugging along. Hoping for some good news soon *fingers crossed*
Love: I love to laugh.. hahahaha  Hey, check this link from Mary Poppins.
Pants: Went for some big walks today with the dog. Working on it.

Doodling Around

I have a love of doodling.

I like to use blue papermate pens.. they feel good in my hand and write nicely.. and I like to draw things when I am on the phone or in meetings etc.  I seem to mostly draw hearts and flowers .. which is very odd considering I am not a flowery girly girl type of person.  Yet, when I doodle I draw flowers over and over again.. and hearts… very rarely geometric designs.

I sometimes draw little cartoonish type faces… not necessarily people I know, but  I have been known to charicature my friends.. I’m pretty good sometimes actually.  I also have a weird OCD stalkerish tendency to write peoples’ names over and over again.. I’m sure it would freak some people out if they knew it was THEIR name I was doodling.. doodlebut honest, I’m not writing “MRS” before any of their names. Specifically the girls..

I decided to look up what my little drawings meant,  seeing as I seem to be doing a lot of it lately.. filling pages upon pages of notebooks with weird hieroglyphics. 

Most often, doodling happens out of boredom.. when you’re in a meeting or on the phone. And often it’s an outlet for frustrated creativity.. putting on paper ideas that are locked somewhere in our brains.  Some doodles or shapes have meanings.. I decided to look up what mine are supposed to mean. (By the way, I have been basically drawing the same type doodles for years…)

Faces apparently mean that I’m a “people person”.  Indicative of being friendly, enjoys being around others, sees the positive in people and situations and is optimistic.  I’d pretty much agree with that one.  I like people. I think they are pretty cool.  Except for really cranky ones. Or mean ones.

Flowers are indicative of a friendly sociable nature.. “Doodles of flowers indicate a gentle personality, a love of nature, sometimes childlike innocence or wistfulness…”  Again, I agree.  I’m sociable. Except when I’m being a hermit.  And if childlike means immature.. well… Oddly, I will not wear anything with an obvious floral pattern.. nor do I have any time of “flowery” stuff in my home.

Hearts.. apparently means I’m in love. Or in love with love.  This, I’m not so sure of.  Hmmm… maybe it just means I like drawing hearts…   (check your own doodles by clicking here…) 

However, I’m not too sure I place a ton of creedence in doodling as psychoanalysis. 

Apparently in  January 2005, some doodles were found on the desk of British Prime Minister Tony Blair and were discussed by psychologists and handwriting experts as to their meaning. According to the BBC ,  newspaper stories indicated that the doodler was   “struggling to concentrate” and “not a natural leader”. However, it was later revealed that a mistake had been made and the doodles were not the work of Mr. Blair.  In fact, the doodles were drawn by a visitor to Number 10 Downing Street – Bill Gates. 

Yeah, I hear he’s a bit of a slacker.

 Life: Not sure I really learned anything from my doodles, other than I draw a pretty good picture of a pig. 
Love: I draw hearts all the time. Nuff said.
Pants: Mostly I draw faces and rarely bodies. So they are pantless…. so to speak.

ABC’s of Me.

A – Age: 45

B – Bed size: Queen .. only sleep on about a third due to Mocha the WonderDog

C – Chore you hate: Weeding.  Folding Laundry

D – Dream vacation spot: Italy.. anyplace to see stuff.

E- Essential start your day item: pee, then coffee.. update FB status. LOL.

F – Favourite colour(s): RED and black

G – Gold or Silver: Gold. I can only wear gold. Allergic to all other metals

H – Height: 5’4”.  But people always think I’m taller .. it’s my large head.

I – Instruments you play: Yamaha Rhythm Organ circa 1978.  Used to play classical flute.

J – Job title: Evil Genius.  Professional Smart Ass.  Marketing/Promo  

K – Kid(s): 1 beautiful girl named Katy – 19.. and a gorgeous boy named Josh who will be 14 in a week! Yikes!

L – Living arrangement: Me and Mocha living in Barrie at the moment…

M – Mom’s name: Sheila.. long name is Dora Ann Sheila Bernadette… the Irish like to go by the middle name.

N – Nicknames: Bethany, Kubby, Bessie, Evil,  

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Tonsils, 2 kids, Nasal surgery.. and that time I did the medical study and had to sleep at McMaster 4 times. I had to stay for 24 hours while they examined my stomach contents.  I was paid $1000 and used it to go to South America.

P – Pet Peeve: bad drivers, rude people

Q – Quote from a movie: “Get busy living or get busy dying” – Shawshank Redemption

From Field of Dreams:

Ray Kinsella: So what do you want?
Terence Mann: I want them to stop looking to me for answers, begging me to speak again, write again, be a leader. I want them to start thinking for themselves. I want my privacy.
Ray Kinsella: No, I mean, what do you WANT?
[Gestures to the concession stand they’re in front of]
Terence Mann: Oh. Dog and a beer.

R – Right or left handed: right

S – Siblings: 2 sisters.. Barb and Lara

T – Time you wake up: Most days around 7-ish. Depends..

U – Underwear: generally, lace booty shorts.

V – Vegetable you dislike: not a big fan of carrots.  But like most veggies.

W – Workout style: Lazy. Super lazy. I try.. but.. I’m lazy.

X – X-rays you’ve had: teeth, collar bone, pelvis, cat scans..

Y – Yesterday’s best moment: Talking on the phone with my BFF

Z – Zoo favorite: I like all the big cats.

Snow: The Frozen Tears of Satan.

The one thing I foolishly did not take into consideration when deciding to move to Central Ontario was the weather. I made the decision during the lovely months.. boating.. Big Chief island.. sun, sand.. summer fun. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That is like.. ONE MONTH during the year!! The rest of the time you are trapped in the icy hell known as snow shovelling.

Once again today I wake up to the drone of snowblowers and the sound of the garbage truck stuck in the snow in front of my house. Good times people. Good times.

Remember when you were a kid and you could NOT WAIT till it snowed? I remembering revelling in the first snowfall of the season…. me and my friend Julie.. 6 years old.. building a snowman on her front lawn… ah, the innocence of youth.

That is pretty much the last happy memory I have of snow.

I procrastinated for a while.. after all, I didn’t NEED to go anywhere.. then after debating whether or not to call the snow guy to do the drive, I elected to save the $20 and do it myself. After all, it’s good exercise, right?

Usually when I shovel, I start in the back yard. I have a deck off the back door and this is the primary “in and out” door for Mocha the Wonderdog. Mocha has a love/hate relationship with the snow. She bounds into the back and proceeds to weave intricate trails and patterns throughout the yard… frolicking like .. well, something that frolicks. Then she proceeds to her hatred of the snow.. I shovel and throw said white demon powder into the pile and she jumps at it, growling, angry that these frozen tears of Satan are making her mommy work so hard.

Yeah, I am reading way too much into that. She likes to chase shit. I dig and try to avoid inadvertently whacking her in the head with the shovel. I don’t want those PETA guys on my ass.

Anyhow, today I move directly to the front… there is a lot of snow. I hate snow. (Have I mentioned that?) I have a big scoopy thing for the nasty deed….. Canadian Tire.. $40. That way I can PUSH the snow rather than lift it. I have a system.. first, I push the snow in front of my car into a pile near the fence.. creating a pathway to the backyard gate. Then I make sure I shovel and salt the front walkway (I am very considerate of the mail carrier… after all, would hate to miss that million dollar envelope from the Reader’s Digest people.. hey, somebody’s gotta win it… but I digress….)

I move the car up a bit and proceed to clear out behind the car using my handy scooping device… pushing the snow from my drive across the road and dumping it in the drive of an empty house.

Scoop one.. it is freakin’ cold. My hands have already started to lose feeling in the tips of my fingers. Scoop two.. I have obviously made a wise choice to make “getting in shape” one of my New Year’s Resolutions. It is obvious that I am not. Scoop three… I am seriously not having fun and by Scoop four I have that dry burning feeling in the back of my throat that you get from heavy mouth breathing in the cold air. Despite my extremeties freezing, I am sweating in my parka. I elect to go into the house for a little rest and warmth.

I rest for 5 minutes, put on an additional pair of gloves and get back at it. I am envious of my neighbours and their fancy snowblowers. Especially the guy who snowblows his drive with a smoke hanging out of his mouth and a beer in his hand. That’s talent.. especially at 2 in the afternoon…

Not too many people out .. most of the neighbourhood other than yours truly seem to be gainfully employed. A couple of doors down there is a guy from a service doing someone’s drive. We catch each others eyes and do the polite “smile and nod”. I continue to attempt to plow out the end of my drive, when of course, I hit ice. And proceed to gracefully slide forward, hitting myself in the stomach with the bar of the scoop and landing on my face. In front of witnesses.

Hired guy actually comes bounding over to make sure I have not cracked my skull or broken a hip. He asks if I’m ok, and I respond that as long as public humiliation is not considered serious injury, I am ok. He laughs and I notice he has all his own teeth. And he’s within my age range… and kinda cute. Gainfully employed and all your own teeth is quite a catch in this neck of the woods.

Hired guy then offers to give me a hand as he is pretty much done at the neighbours. As Canadians we are obligated to discuss the weather and the amount of snow. Scintillating. I make sarcastic comments, he laughs. Good times.

At this point I feel it necessary to point out that I was outside for rigourous manual labour, not to pick up. Therefore I was dressed accordingly in my downfilled parka and oh so chic Old Navy toque which I believe belongs to my son. Needless to say… I am hotness personified.

So, Hired Guy and myself are enjoying the comraderie of those who shovel.. It doesn’t take us long to finish off my drive as he is, after all, a professional. Once done, I thank him again for his helpfulness and for not mocking me too severely when I wiped out. To which he replies:

“You’re welcome…….. MA’AM.”

I had mixed feelings. Beat him to death with a snow shovel, or drag him into the house to look at the Facebook photos of me in a kilt so he could see what I REALLY looked like…??
DUDE, SERIOUSLY….. We are like, pretty much within the same age range!!!! However, now that I look at you, you really aren’t that cute. And you appear to be kind of dumb. (Yes, my ego feels better…)

However, I did neither. As he stood there ….looking like he maybe expected a tip or something…. I responded in my best old lady voice…”well, you have a good day, SONNY” and me and my snow scoop went to clear the back yard with Mocha the Wonderdog.

Fuck. It’s snowing again.

Life: Other than shovelling .. nothing much. But I did have a little job action today. *fingers crossed*
Love: Once again, sharing my bed with Mocha the Wonderdog. She`s a bed hog.
Pants: Down another pound. So far so good. 5+ lbs and counting…

So did I tell you about the time…?

I am one of those people who has weird things happen to me. Like, one time I met both Geddy Lee and Flavor Flav in one weekend.. and Chuck D took the pic of me and Flav! See. Photographic evidence. He was very polite and respectful. However I still do not understand what chicks see in him… but I digress…
So, weird things happen to me.. I meet famous people.. I win stuff… but sometimes I do NOT win stuff. That part is just sad.
Here’s what happened…… I lost 2 million dollars in the last year and a half. I KNOW! The most recent time was on Lotto 6/49.. IF ONLY THE 7 HAD BEEN A 4!! I play the Encore each time.. I know some people think it’s not worth it, but I know someone who knows someone who DIDN’T play the Encore and did NOT win the million. And to make matters worse, her corner store posted a sign in their window that said “JOAN SMITH LOST A MILLION DOLLARS HERE BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO CHEAP TO SPEND THE EXTRA BUCK ON ENCORE! DUMB BITCH!!” or something along that line……
So, I played Encore… my number was 1357699… and the Encore number was 1354699. ONE FREAKING NUMBER AWAY FROM A MILLION DOLLARS. You’d think that you’d get some good freakin’ cash wouldn’t ya? Nope. $10 and a free ticket. BITE ME ONTARIO LOTTERY CORPORATION!!
But, previous to that…… flashback to September 2007….. I land in Regina to go to Canadian Country Music Week. Of course, the first stop is the liquor store… and as am perusing the fine liquor selection, my cell phone rings…
“Hi, I’m looking for Elizabeth Warren… this is Patricia from ‘Are You Smarter Than A Canadian 5th Grader'”…
“I’ve been waiting for your call….”
Yeah, I really did say that…..
So we proceed to have a charming conversation.. all the while I’m doing a little dancy dance in the Regina booze store.. WOOHOO! I am going to be on a freakin’ game show and win TONS of money!! Because I AM SMARTER THAN A CANADIAN FIFTH GRADER!!!
I am charming and hilarious and Patricia is laughing.. she finds my answer re: what’s the first thing you’d spend the money on to be hysterical.. I said I’d buy my son a trampoline (that is the deal if I win a lot of money.. I think that’s getting off cheap…) She asks me to come to Toronto to do a screentest for the show…. I AM A SHOO IN!!!
THEN comes the proverbial bucket of cold water…. “Great! so you can be in Toronto the day after tomorrow?”
“Uh, I’m in Regina for a conference…”
“Can you come back?”
“Not till Monday…”
“Oh. We’ll be done by then……”
Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn!
So I lost a million bucks. But it makes for a good story.
And if truth be told, I would have settled for $250K.
Life: No real change. It`s pretty ok.
Love: Only boys on the internet. More on this later.
Pants: Down 4 lbs since yesterday. My secret? Weigh yourself fully clothed at night and then naked the next morning. Gives ya a nice “kickstart”….