Category Archives: pants

The LOVE Section…

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now.. well, a year and 2 days.. Actually meant to post on the anniversary, but you know.. got all distracted by shiny things and .. hey! LOOK A PUPPY!!

Part of the reason for starting the darned thing was to keep myself amused.. that and I like writing.. and also to keep track of my “resolutions” of sorts that I made a year ago..

As you may or may not recall, there were several.. one of which was that I had hoped during the past year, that I might find myself in a relationship perhaps, maybe..

But here’s the thing.. I don’t actually MEET people.  I mean, I don’t get out much (you only get so many weekend passes from the home..)  And sincerely, I don’t know where you’d go to meet people.. it’s tough, really.

I’ve tried the online dating thing.. and well, yeah.  I mean, I’m pretty honest about my profile.. I had friends read it and they’ve said it’s a fairly accurate representation of who I am.. I stated what I feel are my good qualities.. and owned up to some negative ones.. I mean, no one is perfect, obviously.. but .. I do think I’m a pretty decent, fun type of chick.. And I’ve been told I’m not bad to look at…

On the negative side.. I’m quite loud and sarcastic (not mean to those less fortunate or anything) and some men really don’t know how to “handle” me (so I’m told…)  I guess sometimes I don’t have a filter and I call people on their shit.. or I’m just.. loud and slightly insane and others can’t quite handle it.  Too smart for my own good is what my mother would call it.

So, here is the profile…

I am happy, funny, articulate, generous, very goofy, smart, sexy, loving, erudite, cheerful, giving, open, somewhat attractive I think, sensual, intuitive, a great cook and baker, artistic, a great public speaker, forgiving, honest, slightly insane in a good way, super fun, passionate, severely right handed, not really a girly girl, understanding, freakishly logical, a bit of a tomboy, a good dancer, a home handy man, animals and children love me, I try to see the good in everyone… and I’m fun. But I think I said that already.

I am very smart and enjoy the mental exchange far more than anything. I appreciate the fact that not all are as into computer stuff as I am.. but.. If you try to engage me with a brief sentence or profile.. We likely won’t hit it off. Just sayin’ I like interesting conversation, whether it’s through messaging and text.. or in person. But if I’m not mentally engaged.. it won’t happen.. I’m a writer, after all.. I enjoy the written word…

I like boys with brains. And funny. Wit and intelligence are paramount. But if you’re hot.. that’s a bonus. (please note my earlier reference to sarcasm.. ) however, although I don’t have a specific “look” that I like, I do like men with nice teeth. yes, it’s a weird thing.

I’ll let you know how this little experiment goes… I will tell you this.. if a guy asks what “erudite” means.. he won’t be getting a reply..  I’ll be busy looking at that puppy…

Life: all good
Love: Dudes, like, did you not just read that?
Pants: so many jokes to be made here about how I’m the only one who takes them off.. but, I won’t.. just in case my mother reads this. Oh, wait, she’ll like that. NVM…
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100 Posts…

I just noticed today that I had surpassed 100 posts.

That’s a lot of words.  It would appear that I have a lot to talk about.. Or more likely I’m just longwinded ..a bit of a babbler..

Regardless, I was taking a look at the original reasons that I started this blog… and thought I’d see how much I’d “progressed”.. if at all….

So, to revisit.. Here are what amounts to my New Year’s resolutions.. and thoughts on the same…

one of my many recent adventures.. this was Oktoberfest.. good times!!

  • Get a job. Preferably one I love and can utilize my skills – mocking others and my insane knowledge of useless trivial information. I am thinking “game show host”.

I, unfortunately, have not become a game show host. I KNOW! What a waste!  However, I have discovered that my ultimate goal is to be a writer.. well, I’m already a writer… but I mean write and get paid for it… like, huge money.. . You know, be on Oprah and stuff.. … Now, as far as the job dealio is concerned, I haven’t secured a traditional 9-5 thing.. which is great.. because I’m really not a 9-5 type of chick.. One thing I’ve discovered is that I like working from home.. or wherever I happen to be.. and also like to work at weird hours (that’s the bohemian creative thingy there methinks..)  So, I’m doing some consulting work.. which is very, very cool. I like it.

  • Move. I love the house I bought. LOVE IT. That’s the biggest bitch about this whole deal. However, I want to live closer to Waterloo where I can see my kids more regularly and be near my friends and people that I love. Do they have any game shows in Waterloo?

I DID move.. to St. Catharines.. to live with my BFF Jodi.  Which is awesome because she rocks.  However, ultimately want to be back in the K-Dub.  I love Kitchener-Waterloo. A LOT.  Big fan.  I am saying aloud that I plan on being back by February.. putting it out into the Universe, so to speak.. gonna make it happen!

  • Find me a boyfriend. I like boys. A lot. However, I seem to be somewhat smarter than many of them and this seems to scare them off. Or it’s my insane good looks. Or my lack of ego. Or the fact that I have spent the last month in my rec room and actually don’t meet humans. I am also removing myself from any internet dating crap (more on that another time). Time to put on my big girl pants and meet aforementioned humans.

This is a tricky one. You see.. I haven’t been ENTIRELY truthful when it comes to the “love” section of the blog.. well, I did take myself off all the internet dating stuff.. mind you, I had a relapse and went back on for a bit.. Chatted with a few guys.. but.. really didn’t have any interest in meeting most.. met a couple.. and.. yeah, not so much. And, removed myself again.

So, to be truthful about this.. hmmm… well, I’ve had some “dates”..  and they were fun and all.. a couple of boys that I liked.. but.. y’know.. nothing came of it.. didn’t work out for various reasons.. so there ya go.

And I’ve rethought this actually.. I guess I don’t so much want a “boyfriend” as just a social life.. which I actually have!! I’ve had a lot of fun lately.. meeting new people and doing fun stuff with some great friends. And really.. fun is the operative word.. I mean, I could “have a boyfriend” if I REALLY wanted one.. I get asked out and stuff. . but.. I want the “right” guy.. ..smart and funny.. Should I be cruising the Perimeter Institute? Comedy clubs?

I know there’s a guy out there for me.. the Universe will send him my way when it’s the right time.. 😉  So I’m in no rush.. and not worried about it. Obviously whoever he is is just not ready for me yet.  After all, I AM a lot to handle….  I’ll just have fun in the meantime!

  • Adopt a healthier lifestyle. i.e. more veggies, less crap, less liquor (unless it’s a special occasion, like, Tuesday..) more exercise. This will be my greatest challenge as you actually have to get off the couch….

This one.. I’ve been.. pretty good with.. I have been eating less crap.. and have been getting more exercise (really should do more crunches though..) I walk dogs for about 60-90 minutes a day (about 5-6K) and all my pants are too big.. so that’s going pretty well. Less liquor?  Well.. ..  let’s put it this way.. if I DIDN’T do all the walking, I’d likely weigh about 300lbs…

So I actually think I’ve done pretty well with them… I’m happy with my progress. But… still working on it and it’s getting better every day…

Life: It’s all good!
Love: I love my life, my friends, my family….. and Kitchener-Waterloo!
Pants: As I said.. they’re bigger.. I’ve moved in a belt notch and just last night a friend told me I was looking skinny. Yay!

Have You Ever Ever Lost An Elephant?

I’m going out to buy a record player today. Yes, I am cutting edge.

I’ve kept only one toy from my childhood.. a brown stuffed dog named Jingles.  The pup was a gift on my fifth birthday from my Grandmother… and was my cherished companion every night when I slept.  Many nights I cuddled Jingles.. whispering secrets.. sometimes a few tears…MMRecordPlayer2

Jingles disappeared at one point around the time I was about 30.  I figured it would turn up eventually.. somewhere in the house.  Around the same time, one of my daughter’s first toys.. a small black lamb named “Bobby” (get it? Baaaaaabby…)  also went missing. Despite many searches, they remained lost.

Flash forward five years.. one day I was taking my son Josh to school and was having a chat with his grade 2 teacher when I looked down at the toy shelf.. and there was Jingles!  “That’s my dog!” I exclaimed and went on to “prove” it.. one of Jingles eyes was chipped.. and he had a wire inside him to hold his shape.. it was still bent inside from my many nights of cuddling…

And sitting beside Jingles… was Bobby!!

Mrs. Hardy and I figured out that Katy brought the toys for show and tell and forgot them. They had been sitting in her class ever since.. being played with by countless children over the course of 5 years..  Thankfully, Mrs. Hardy let me take both toys back.. Obviously, we were meant to get Jingles and Bobby back…. Katy and both have these precious childhood souvenirs on display in our respective bedrooms.

Twice recently I had occasion to talk about another childhood toy.. the Mickey Mouse record player.

My sisters and I received it for Christmas from Santa one year along with 100 kids 45’s .. we had picked it out ourselves whilst browsing through the Sears Wish Book. That Santa is SMRT.

We’d play all the records.. and dance around..

My youngest sister, Lara, was very fond of the record player and would play music all day long while Barb and I were at school.  In particular, Lara enjoyed “The Elephant Song”.  She would play the  same 45 over, and over, and over…. again.  My mother drew little elephants on the label so that Lara would know which record it was..

This song has special  notoriety in my family as a result.. .when we were much younger, the three of us started “performing” the song for our cousins and such amid much laughter. There’s a musical interlude in the song.. and when singing it at one point for said relatives, when we got to that part, we elected to insert a “nose solo”. It brought the house down.

As a result of our unique singing ability, my sisters and I have been coerced into singing said musical masterpiece at various family functions.. particularly weddings…. the nose solo is still the highlight of the tune.

So twice in the last week the subject of the infamous Elephant Song and the Mickey Mouse Record player has come up. I’ve never been able to find this song on the interwebs.. and I’ve never run across anyone else who’s even heard of the song.. until I sing it for them in my most operatic  vibrato…  Katy and I even performed the song one evening for her boyfriend… and yes, he lost it at the nose solo….

I was out for a walk yesterday and while waltzing down King Street I looked into a store window… and there it was!! The Mickey Mouse record player!  Mickey’s outstretched arm across the turntable as if he was pointing at me.. “Beth! Look! It’s your old pal Mickey!”

I am a huge believer in “signs”.. and this one was certainly directed at me.  On the turntable? No, not the elephant song, but a 45 about “Meditation and Self Realization”… message noted, Universe.

I’ve been re-evaluating and soul searching and working on various self improvement for a while now.. and I certainly believe this message was aimed directly at me.. plus, the thought of that record player and the joy it brought us brings back many happy memories..

I had dogs with me, so couldn’t go in… I called the store later in the day and yes, it’s for sale. I’m going to get it today… and perhaps look through their 45’s for the aforementioned paean to pachyderms…

I’ve never, ever lost an elephant… but I did lose my stuffed dog once.. but more importantly, I’m continually finding out more about myself every day.

The Elephant Song
Have you ever ever lost an elephant? It’s really quite a silly thing to do
But there’s something even sillier.. and that is losing two
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste.
(insert nose solo)
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste…
Arthur and Celeste….
Arthur and Celeste…..Arthur! Celeste!….

Life: The universe is conspiring on my behalf
Love: I love when interesting things happen
Pants: Walking a lot every day.. for exercise and for the adventures!

Life is a Carnival.. Enjoy the ride.

When I was a young girl, my father would often take us to a carnival that was set up along the beach strip between Hamilton and Burlington.roller-coaster

My sisters and I would love to go on all the rides.. we’d take turns ringing the little bell on the front of the boat ride.. pretend to be riding Harleys as we spun in circles on the motorcycle ride, scream in terror as we thought we’d go flying out of the Scrambler… and of course, there would always be the roller coasters.

The clicking as the coaster ascended the track.. the build up… the anticipation of being hurled through the air at incredible rates of speed.  The sheer terror of the drop.. the euphoric rush and heart palpitations as we soared up and down…

I recall my family visiting Wonderland for the first time.. waiting in line for a good 30 minutes or so in order to climb into a metal box and have our bodies thrown about for a mere 3 to 5 minutes of electrifying exhilaration.

This summer my son and I went to Marineland and he convinced me to ride the Dragon Fire six times in a row.  At the end of the ride I came to the conclusion that perhaps I had become far too old for this joyride.. the feeling of my brain being jostled around in my head and slammed against the side of the car now far outweighed the elation I once felt whilst flying through the perceived time space continuum.

This past week my life has felt like a veritable roller coaster.

What started out as a fun little trip quickly became an accelerated, terrifying adventure.  The slow build of the ride escalating to its peak.. then the sudden dangerous thrust of being hurtled toward the ground … wind whipping through your hair, feet dangling… feeling as if you are almost airborne… only to rise once again up the track, spinning about until dizzy and then come crashing to the bumpy stop.  End of the ride.  Please don’t forget to pick up your belongings as you depart to your left.

But as much fun as rollercoasters can be, they are a brief thrill ride..fervent, fast, furious….jarring your brain and body.  Much excitement and fun while the fleeting ride lasts, but intense and jolting and always coming to an inevitable screeching stop.  And you are sometimes left feeling a little disappointed and nauseous at the conclusion.

So, I think perhaps my rollercoaster days have come to an end. 

From now on I think the ferris wheel is more to my liking..  slowly climbing toward the sky.. being able to observe everything around with an unencumbered view of the world.. rocking the cart just enough to be slightly exciting.. but not too much to make you crash to the ground… and then the slow descent back to earth where, once again, you can plant your feet firmly on the ground.

Or maybe the carousel. I think that may be more my speed. 

But, for the record,  I did enjoy the ride. Brief as it was.

Life: Everything happens for a reason. It’s all good.
Love: I have a lot of it in my life. For that I’m thankful.
Pants: Working on that too. Time for a run.