Category Archives: love

Quiz Me

Ok, so when I get lazy with the posts, I put up one of these quiz things….

WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?: Elizabeth Ann Margaret Kubilius Warren
NICKNAMES?: Evil Genius, Promo Princess.. Bethany.. in high school one of my nicknames was Cinnamon…
SINGLE OR TAKEN?: Single. Do you not read the blog?
BIRTHDAY?: April 6th
ZODIAC SIGN?: Aries
AGE?: forty fuckin’ five
HAIR?: Black
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?: St Catharines and Kitchener. It’s a long story
WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: black. Always black.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?:   Filling out this quiz. Sucking on a beer.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?:  Sneezed
WHAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU: Elvis. He’s everywhere.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?: Jodi and Stephanie
IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: One of those bouncy balls that you sit on. Or maybe a Big Wheel. Or perhaps a crazy Build A Bear with a voice box that when pressed would reveal satanic messages…
WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: how much more depressing can this quiz be? I already told you I was single so it’s not likely a honeymoon is in the future. Fine. Italy. or somewhere in Europe. Spain would also be cool.
WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?: Crap! This got more depressing! Other than my kids.. the love of my life aka a player to be named later..
HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?: Cold
LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?: Josh.
LAST PERSON WHO TEXT YOU: Josh
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT: Josh
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?: Yes, otherwise I would have blocked them by now.
WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS?: It’s a chocolate bar, genius.  Part of the Festive Special
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: Jeans and a tee shirt
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?: no
WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?: Jodi, Jenn, Katy… Trevor.. and Steph has become a great BFF..
WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU?:  don’t touch the handles on the washroom doors
DO YOU OWN A VEHICLE?: yes. it’s red. I like it
HAVE YOU EVER WON A SPECIAL AWARD?: Yes. A couple “manager of the year” things and Record Company Person of the Year from the CCMA
WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?: Immediate future: sleep.  Long range plans: world domination
FAVOURITE FOOD?: all of it. and more.
FAVOURITE FILM:  The Shawshank Redemption, Wizard of Oz.. many.. Dodgeball. Anything with Will Ferrell except Semi Pro
LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA?: uh… not sure.. something with Hugh Jackman
FAVE BOYS COLOGNE: I have a weird penchant for Swiss Army. I’m apparently in high school
FAVE GIRLS PERFUME: I love Cool Water, Roots Spirit, and Swiss Army for Girls. And Vanilla perfume oil. It makes me smell like cookies.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?: sometimes
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?: sometimes
IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ANYTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Princess Regina Bananahammock
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: yes
WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?: really? do you think I’m going to put that in writing? just THINK of the legal repercussions…
DO YOU LIKE SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES?: Happy
CHRISTMAS OR EASTER?: Christmas
LUST OR LOVE?: hopefully both
KISSES OR HUGS?: both
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: the fact that I am not getting lust, love or kisses or hugs at the moment
WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR PYJAMAS: red
WHAT COLOUR’S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?: purple
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUIZ?: it’s depressing the crap out of me to be quite frank. Can you PLEASE include more questions about how ridiculously single I am? FML.
FAVE PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?: brain
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: loneliness.. helplessness

WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: coffee

HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?: depends
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Jesus. I want him to show me that “water into wine” trick. It will save me a BUNDLE!
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD WHAT WOULD IT BE: Supreme Ruler or Game Show Host.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: full. of alcohol hopefully
WHATS YOUR FAVE NUMBER?: 6
SUMMER OR WINTER?: Summer
CAKE OR PIE?: Pie
SILVER OR GOLD?: Gold.. Allergic to silver
DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?: Diamonds
SUNRISE OR SUNSET?: Either
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?: Right hip fractured in a car accident. Collar bone fractured falling out of bed. I was five. Get your mind out of the gutter.
DO YOU WEAR RINGS?: rarely
DO YOU HATE ANYONE: Neo Nazis and prejudiced people. And Coldplay. Oh, and Nickelback.
ARE YOU LOUD OR QUIET: really? you had to ask? LOUD
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF:  absolutely

Life: Good thanks
Love: No reports
Pants: I told you, I’m wearing jeans.

The LOVE Section…

I’ve been writing this blog for over a year now.. well, a year and 2 days.. Actually meant to post on the anniversary, but you know.. got all distracted by shiny things and .. hey! LOOK A PUPPY!!

Part of the reason for starting the darned thing was to keep myself amused.. that and I like writing.. and also to keep track of my “resolutions” of sorts that I made a year ago..

As you may or may not recall, there were several.. one of which was that I had hoped during the past year, that I might find myself in a relationship perhaps, maybe..

But here’s the thing.. I don’t actually MEET people.  I mean, I don’t get out much (you only get so many weekend passes from the home..)  And sincerely, I don’t know where you’d go to meet people.. it’s tough, really.

I’ve tried the online dating thing.. and well, yeah.  I mean, I’m pretty honest about my profile.. I had friends read it and they’ve said it’s a fairly accurate representation of who I am.. I stated what I feel are my good qualities.. and owned up to some negative ones.. I mean, no one is perfect, obviously.. but .. I do think I’m a pretty decent, fun type of chick.. And I’ve been told I’m not bad to look at…

On the negative side.. I’m quite loud and sarcastic (not mean to those less fortunate or anything) and some men really don’t know how to “handle” me (so I’m told…)  I guess sometimes I don’t have a filter and I call people on their shit.. or I’m just.. loud and slightly insane and others can’t quite handle it.  Too smart for my own good is what my mother would call it.

So, here is the profile…

I am happy, funny, articulate, generous, very goofy, smart, sexy, loving, erudite, cheerful, giving, open, somewhat attractive I think, sensual, intuitive, a great cook and baker, artistic, a great public speaker, forgiving, honest, slightly insane in a good way, super fun, passionate, severely right handed, not really a girly girl, understanding, freakishly logical, a bit of a tomboy, a good dancer, a home handy man, animals and children love me, I try to see the good in everyone… and I’m fun. But I think I said that already.

I am very smart and enjoy the mental exchange far more than anything. I appreciate the fact that not all are as into computer stuff as I am.. but.. If you try to engage me with a brief sentence or profile.. We likely won’t hit it off. Just sayin’ I like interesting conversation, whether it’s through messaging and text.. or in person. But if I’m not mentally engaged.. it won’t happen.. I’m a writer, after all.. I enjoy the written word…

I like boys with brains. And funny. Wit and intelligence are paramount. But if you’re hot.. that’s a bonus. (please note my earlier reference to sarcasm.. ) however, although I don’t have a specific “look” that I like, I do like men with nice teeth. yes, it’s a weird thing.

I’ll let you know how this little experiment goes… I will tell you this.. if a guy asks what “erudite” means.. he won’t be getting a reply..  I’ll be busy looking at that puppy…

Life: all good
Love: Dudes, like, did you not just read that?
Pants: so many jokes to be made here about how I’m the only one who takes them off.. but, I won’t.. just in case my mother reads this. Oh, wait, she’ll like that. NVM…

New Beginnings

I’m not a sharer.

I know it seems strange for me to say that considering I’ve spent the last year chronicling my life on the internet.  But I’m really not.

I’m an excellent actress. Far more than most realize. Despite my outward appearance of joviality, I don’t share my feelings with many.. and not often. I sometimes push all my bad feelings down so that no one knows there are there except for me…. putting on the face of a permanently happy girl.  And to tell the truth, I am more happy than not.. but.. I’m babbling now…

photo by Heather Meyers Photography

What brought this on, you ask?  New Year’s Eve.  It is one of my least favourite holidays of the year.

It’s always been somewhat depressing for me.. it’s the end of Christmas, after all.  Time to leave that magical time behind, take down the tree and head back to work or school or what have you.  Depressing as all fuck.

I’ve never been one to revel in Auld Lang Syne and kiss a bunch of strangers…

I mean, I’ve had some good New Year’s Eves.. as a kid I remember trying to stay up till midnight and watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and dancing around.. as a teen there were a few parties.. as an adult, I often worked the night.  For years I DJ’d at the Owen Sound Greys Hockey dance… it was actually quite fun. My husband (at the time) Jamie and I would go up there.. I’d play tunes.. we’d dance… have some food and enjoy ourselves.

The big Y2K New Year’s was spent in Marathon, Ontario. It’s north.. very north.. near Thunder Bay. Hey, if the world’s going to end, might as well be in God’s country, right?  No, actually, Jamie was gigging .. what was supposed to be a huge party turned into about 40 people as many stayed home.. afraid of the impending doom.  We still had a great time..  afterward all of us went back to our hotel.. we were the ONLY people staying there.. not even any staff!! They just left the door of the Best Western open for us.. we stayed up a bit, had some drinks and had a blast.

A couple of years ago we just stayed home.. me, Katy and Josh, BFF Jodi, Alyssa (Katy’s BFF) and Katy’s boyfriend at the time.. we karaoke’d.. had some drinks and decided to go out and slide on the ice rink next door.. much hilarity ensued, as did some somewhat embarrassing photos (“we were outside?” said Jodi….) and soaked clothing from falling in the snow.. but it was fun.

However, most years I choose to lay low.. I’ve tried to go to the bar or the dance or what have you, but I find it a downer.

Which brings me to the sharing part..

Last year was the worst New Year’s of my life.  And unfortunately I let that colour much of the year.

I don’t want to go into detail… I’m saving that for the book, after all.. more on that later… but suffice to say, I was assaulted.  I’m fine. Really.  Finally.  Justice has been served. It’s all good. And no, other than that, I don’t want to talk about it.  It seemed a rather cruel joke by the Universe seeing as I had just suffered a year of moving, lost love and losing my job.  The ultimate capper to a horrible year.

Unfortunately, after this happened, I shut down and spent the better part of a month hiding in my house.  It was what I needed to do at the time.  Several very close and good friends helped me through it.  But it still affected me.  Of course.  I lost a lot of self confidence, self worth…. and chose to deal with it in not very constructive ways.. usually involving wine and crying.

However, the point of this is to not make everyone feel sorry for me.. because they shouldn’t.  I told you already.. It’s all good.

The point of this is that although it took me many months, I finally started turning things around.

This past year wasn’t a banner year.  But there were a lot of very good things that happened.  I made a lot of new friends.. many of them through social media channels.  I finally realized that what I want to be when I grow up .. is a writer.  I started writing a book.. not done yet.. but soon.  I reconnected with many people from my past who meant a lot to me.. Avril.. Wayne.. many many from high school…

Lost some people from my life as well.. some died.. some… I had to remove from my life for self preservation.

I fell in love this year.  No, I’m not telling you with whom.  But it didn’t.. and won’t.. work out.  He knows. And he loves me too and remains an important part of my life.  So it’s still a good thing.

I saw many concerts.. AC/DC, Bob Dylan, Springsteen.. to name a few.. things on the bucket list.. I had many people who loved me help me when things were really not good.. Jodi, Trevor.. my family.. even my ex-husband Jamie has been a wealth of support and friendship.  Yes, we are an unusual pair.

Despite the pain, I had a lot of laughter.  Many good times with friends.  I loved and enjoyed them all.

I did actually accomplish a few of my resolutions from last year.. so I believe that to be progress.  I’ve recently started an exciting new career adventure.. And my children continue to amuse me, amaze me and provide me with unconditional love.  They are two of the finest people I know.

What started so horribly has turned out quite well I think.  I can honestly say that I am actually happy … that’s taken me a long time to accomplish, truthfully.  But I am.  There’s always room for more happiness though.. and more laughter..  And I’ve learned the past helps shape who you are, but does not control your future.

My best Christmas gift this year was a card. It was from my parents.  In summary, it was to tell me how proud they are of me and how strong I am.  Best gift ever.

I’m actually looking forward to this New Year’s Eve. I am spending it surrounded by people I care about and who care about me.  It will be low key and quiet.  Which is just fine.

So if you are reading this.. you likely have affected my life whether you know it or not.  Thank you for being a part of my journey.  Thank you for being there for me.. you mean a lot to me..   My wish for you for 2010 is love, peace, happiness, contentment and much joy and laughter.

And I wish that for me, too.

Because 2010 is my year for a new beginning.  It’s the year of the Tiger. I’m going to grab the tiger by the tail…

Life: All good.
Love: I love you all very much.
Pants: Yes, I will be wearing pants this evening. Thanks for asking..

I Believe in Santa Claus

It’s that time of the year.. sleigh bells ringing, children laughing, snow is falling..

But I’m just not into it this year. Just not feeling Christmassy (yes, that is a word.. I am a Wordsmith..)

Usually I’ve purchased everything and have mountains of presents under the tree by this point in time.. but, this year.. just not feeling it.

There was a time when I’d make pajamas for my kids and all the neices and nephews.. one year I made them all teddy bears.. Over  the years – back when I was Martha freakin’ Stewart — I used to can salsa, make marmalade, hot pepper jelly, caramel corn, wine and chocolatey delights and make gift baskets for everyone.  I’ve also been known to quilt things, make ceramics, fashion some stained glass pieces, and make other forms of art.

This year…. nada. In fact, I’ve only purchased one gift.. for my ex-husband, strangely enough.

It got me to thinking why I wasn’t so “into it” this year.. maybe it’s because I don’t have my own little house to decorate. Money is certainly a consideration..

When I was young, I began being excited as soon as the Sears Wish Book came out.. circling the Barbie houses and cars and other fabulous toys that I desired. December 1st the Christmas countdown would begin.. and so would my snooping.

Every Thursday night, my parents bowled and we would be babysat by a lovely girl named Valley.. a pretty girl, but with terrible acne as I recall.. poor thing.  I’m pretty sure that she thought I was the best kid in the world to babysit as I’d stay upstairs playing all night.

Unbeknownst to her, I was in my parents bedroom closet, opening their suitcases.. where they had hidden all the Santa gifts.  I’d carefully take all the Barbies out of their boxes, play with them.. then put them back into the boxes before my parents got home.  Mind you, my Thursday night ritual came to a halt when one of the neighbourhood kids went home crying after I told her there wasn’t any Santa and your parents bought all the gifts.  Never could keep my mouth shut.

Even knowing exactly what I was getting for Christmas didn’t spoil it for me… I’d still be up at about 4am… MAKING my sister Barb get up with me (How on EARTH could she STILL be sleeping???)  Sneaking downstairs to get first look at our gifts…

One year.. when I still believed in the Jolly Old Elf.. I decided that the display of gifts wasn’t quite equitable and moved some things around.. or more correctly.. helped myself to a few of the things my sisters were to get and put them in my pile (Our Santa didn’t wrap gifts..) The next morning my mother assured me that the things I had moved were for my sisters. #FAIL.  HOW did she KNOW?? I remember thinking..

My sisters and I .. Christmas in Pembroke 1979

hmmm…

When my children were small, I WAS Santa Claus.. shopping for the many gifts, hiding, wrapping..   Katy was about 9 when she stopped believing but maintained she still did.. which kind of had me worried.  Finally I figured out that she thought if she admitted not believing, she wouldn’t get gifts..

Of course, then there are always the Santa questions.. like, why do some kids not get anything from Santa?  I explained to Katy that the parents had to pay for the gifts.. Santa couldn’t afford to just give away stuff anymore.. what with the economy and all.

Having so many great Christmases, I’ve found it odd that I’m not so inspired this year.. until today.

I was out walking the dogs, as is my habit… and it was quite icy out.  And,  despite the salt spread on the path in the park close by, it was slippery.  I was heading back when we passed an old woman who was walking slowly down the walkway.. and as we went further up the path I heard her yell out..

She had slipped and fallen on the small hill at the bottom and was in a heap on the sidewalk.

I turned back with the dogs .. hooked them onto a post and struggled to help her up… but she was hurt.. and a little heavier than me.. so it was difficult.

A passing motorist noticed me trying to help her and he stopped.. and another car stopped as well.

This nice man, who appeared to be on his way to work, helped me get her to her feet.. and then he offered to drive her wherever she wanted so she’d avoid falling again.  She appreciated the help and said yes, she’d take a ride home as she appeared to have hurt her ankle.

She thanked us both profusely, “god blessed us” .. and wished me a very happy Christmas.  And her new friend gave her a ride as I walked back home.

Which makes me believe again.. in the kindness of strangers.. that two people in cars stopped to help.  In the spirit of the season… the joy, the love, the caring.

Because,  really.. isn’t that what Santa is all about?

Life: Things are going well
Love: I really do love Christmas.. I know I’ll feel more into it soon..
Pants: all too big.. better put that on my “wish list”

100 Posts…

I just noticed today that I had surpassed 100 posts.

That’s a lot of words.  It would appear that I have a lot to talk about.. Or more likely I’m just longwinded ..a bit of a babbler..

Regardless, I was taking a look at the original reasons that I started this blog… and thought I’d see how much I’d “progressed”.. if at all….

So, to revisit.. Here are what amounts to my New Year’s resolutions.. and thoughts on the same…

one of my many recent adventures.. this was Oktoberfest.. good times!!

  • Get a job. Preferably one I love and can utilize my skills – mocking others and my insane knowledge of useless trivial information. I am thinking “game show host”.

I, unfortunately, have not become a game show host. I KNOW! What a waste!  However, I have discovered that my ultimate goal is to be a writer.. well, I’m already a writer… but I mean write and get paid for it… like, huge money.. . You know, be on Oprah and stuff.. … Now, as far as the job dealio is concerned, I haven’t secured a traditional 9-5 thing.. which is great.. because I’m really not a 9-5 type of chick.. One thing I’ve discovered is that I like working from home.. or wherever I happen to be.. and also like to work at weird hours (that’s the bohemian creative thingy there methinks..)  So, I’m doing some consulting work.. which is very, very cool. I like it.

  • Move. I love the house I bought. LOVE IT. That’s the biggest bitch about this whole deal. However, I want to live closer to Waterloo where I can see my kids more regularly and be near my friends and people that I love. Do they have any game shows in Waterloo?

I DID move.. to St. Catharines.. to live with my BFF Jodi.  Which is awesome because she rocks.  However, ultimately want to be back in the K-Dub.  I love Kitchener-Waterloo. A LOT.  Big fan.  I am saying aloud that I plan on being back by February.. putting it out into the Universe, so to speak.. gonna make it happen!

  • Find me a boyfriend. I like boys. A lot. However, I seem to be somewhat smarter than many of them and this seems to scare them off. Or it’s my insane good looks. Or my lack of ego. Or the fact that I have spent the last month in my rec room and actually don’t meet humans. I am also removing myself from any internet dating crap (more on that another time). Time to put on my big girl pants and meet aforementioned humans.

This is a tricky one. You see.. I haven’t been ENTIRELY truthful when it comes to the “love” section of the blog.. well, I did take myself off all the internet dating stuff.. mind you, I had a relapse and went back on for a bit.. Chatted with a few guys.. but.. really didn’t have any interest in meeting most.. met a couple.. and.. yeah, not so much. And, removed myself again.

So, to be truthful about this.. hmmm… well, I’ve had some “dates”..  and they were fun and all.. a couple of boys that I liked.. but.. y’know.. nothing came of it.. didn’t work out for various reasons.. so there ya go.

And I’ve rethought this actually.. I guess I don’t so much want a “boyfriend” as just a social life.. which I actually have!! I’ve had a lot of fun lately.. meeting new people and doing fun stuff with some great friends. And really.. fun is the operative word.. I mean, I could “have a boyfriend” if I REALLY wanted one.. I get asked out and stuff. . but.. I want the “right” guy.. ..smart and funny.. Should I be cruising the Perimeter Institute? Comedy clubs?

I know there’s a guy out there for me.. the Universe will send him my way when it’s the right time.. 😉  So I’m in no rush.. and not worried about it. Obviously whoever he is is just not ready for me yet.  After all, I AM a lot to handle….  I’ll just have fun in the meantime!

  • Adopt a healthier lifestyle. i.e. more veggies, less crap, less liquor (unless it’s a special occasion, like, Tuesday..) more exercise. This will be my greatest challenge as you actually have to get off the couch….

This one.. I’ve been.. pretty good with.. I have been eating less crap.. and have been getting more exercise (really should do more crunches though..) I walk dogs for about 60-90 minutes a day (about 5-6K) and all my pants are too big.. so that’s going pretty well. Less liquor?  Well.. ..  let’s put it this way.. if I DIDN’T do all the walking, I’d likely weigh about 300lbs…

So I actually think I’ve done pretty well with them… I’m happy with my progress. But… still working on it and it’s getting better every day…

Life: It’s all good!
Love: I love my life, my friends, my family….. and Kitchener-Waterloo!
Pants: As I said.. they’re bigger.. I’ve moved in a belt notch and just last night a friend told me I was looking skinny. Yay!

40 Minutes I’ll Never Get Back (or why Zamfir should burn in hell…)

I had to call tech support today.. My website (www.evilgeniusmarketing.ca) would not let me upload pics. And I really really wanted that Wizard of Oz pic on there..

My webhosting service is in Vancouver.  Why you ask? Because I am a moron apparently.  A friend suggested them and I went ahead and signed up without realizing they were across the country.  Which means, if I have issues at 9am, it’s 6am there and I have to wait till noon to call the stupid ass toll free line.

zamfir2

I'm sure he's a lovely man, but I still want to snap his flute in half...

So yesterday I posted.. and the picture would NOT load. And I couldn’t reach them. So I emailed. Nothing.

Today.. still not working.. so I called again. Got the recorded .. “press 3 for tech support”.. and was immediately placed in hold music hell.

It was pan flute music. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute. Playing “My Heart Will Go On”.

Kill me. Now.

I mean, sure, there’s obviously a market for pan flute music.. for dentists’ offices, massage therapists, elevator music and the like.  And apparently, for hold music. REAL HUMANS don’t actually listen to this stuff, like, in their car or anything. I mean, that’s just UNSAFE… the soothing  tones of the pan flute lull you into an altered state and you crash.. see? Not good.

I think the thought is that it’s “calming”.  Yeah. It’s NOT. It’s irritating as fuck.  Seriously. First of all,  I’m a rocker. I’m listening to AC/DC as I write this. There’s no freakin” pan flute in rock music. You can add every other musical instrument ever. Bag pipes. Triangle. Flute. Pan flute is played by that crazy ass satyr Tewt in the “Mighty Hercules” cartoon. HE ONLY SPOKE THROUGH THE PAN FLUTE.  That is messed. But what do you expect… his name’s Tewt.

 

mightyherculestewt4But I digress.

The first.. say.. two minutes.. were okay. I did not feel the need to kill anyone. However.. approaching minute four I was looking for the knife block. To slit my own wrists.

To avoid insanity I started looking for things to do..changed my Facebook status.. and then “liked” everyone’s posts. I was bored. It was a bad move.

I have 763  new emails informing me of everyone who also “liked” or commented on everyone else’s status.

And I wasn’t even drunk.  Although I did look at the clock and think it was 5 o’clock and cracked open a beer. Then realized the clocks hadn’t been turned back.  But that’s beside the point..

So what to do while waiting to be helped? Update my Tweets of course (not to be confused with Tewt..)

I am in tech support muzak hell.

The muzak on hold is lulling me into unconsciousness. I hate you tech support. You are frying my brain via panflute.

I just went on facebook and “liked” EVERYONE’S status. That, my friends, was a mistake. *email box filling with notifications*

.@katbron yes, it is frying my brain….. Damn you Zamfir Master of the Pan flute.

Good news everybody! I’ve received word that hot asian women are dying to meet me! Awesome! (this has nothing to do with tech support.. I just got this good news while I was “liking” everyone on Facebook…)

@meggroff no no.. yours I really really liked. A lot. Best one today. <–Meg accused me of not REALLY liking her status.

I am singing along to the pan flute version of “My Heart Will Go On”.. and  praying for the sweet release of death.

I can actually feel myself slipping into a coma…

Off tech support call.. waited 40 minutes for someone to tell me they’ll call back. Pan flute tune still searing my neurons. arrrrrrgh

@jeffsoltysiak I was on hold for 40 mins. I have pan flute inflicted brain damage.

Yay! Tech support fixed my problem! I forgive you for the pan flute. But not you, Zamfir. Not you.

Eventually I received an email from tech support telling me they reset a whatchamajiggy and the problem should be fixed.. and it was.. and I uploaded my pic.

However, I was still left with the theme to Titanic searing through my grey matter.  You can witness the terror yourself by clicking here.

My heart will go on… but my brain needs some more AC/DC therapy…

Life: Awesome!
Love: I do not love the pan flute. Just sayin’
Pants: I was wearing pants through the entire ordeal.


Have You Ever Ever Lost An Elephant?

I’m going out to buy a record player today. Yes, I am cutting edge.

I’ve kept only one toy from my childhood.. a brown stuffed dog named Jingles.  The pup was a gift on my fifth birthday from my Grandmother… and was my cherished companion every night when I slept.  Many nights I cuddled Jingles.. whispering secrets.. sometimes a few tears…MMRecordPlayer2

Jingles disappeared at one point around the time I was about 30.  I figured it would turn up eventually.. somewhere in the house.  Around the same time, one of my daughter’s first toys.. a small black lamb named “Bobby” (get it? Baaaaaabby…)  also went missing. Despite many searches, they remained lost.

Flash forward five years.. one day I was taking my son Josh to school and was having a chat with his grade 2 teacher when I looked down at the toy shelf.. and there was Jingles!  “That’s my dog!” I exclaimed and went on to “prove” it.. one of Jingles eyes was chipped.. and he had a wire inside him to hold his shape.. it was still bent inside from my many nights of cuddling…

And sitting beside Jingles… was Bobby!!

Mrs. Hardy and I figured out that Katy brought the toys for show and tell and forgot them. They had been sitting in her class ever since.. being played with by countless children over the course of 5 years..  Thankfully, Mrs. Hardy let me take both toys back.. Obviously, we were meant to get Jingles and Bobby back…. Katy and both have these precious childhood souvenirs on display in our respective bedrooms.

Twice recently I had occasion to talk about another childhood toy.. the Mickey Mouse record player.

My sisters and I received it for Christmas from Santa one year along with 100 kids 45’s .. we had picked it out ourselves whilst browsing through the Sears Wish Book. That Santa is SMRT.

We’d play all the records.. and dance around..

My youngest sister, Lara, was very fond of the record player and would play music all day long while Barb and I were at school.  In particular, Lara enjoyed “The Elephant Song”.  She would play the  same 45 over, and over, and over…. again.  My mother drew little elephants on the label so that Lara would know which record it was..

This song has special  notoriety in my family as a result.. .when we were much younger, the three of us started “performing” the song for our cousins and such amid much laughter. There’s a musical interlude in the song.. and when singing it at one point for said relatives, when we got to that part, we elected to insert a “nose solo”. It brought the house down.

As a result of our unique singing ability, my sisters and I have been coerced into singing said musical masterpiece at various family functions.. particularly weddings…. the nose solo is still the highlight of the tune.

So twice in the last week the subject of the infamous Elephant Song and the Mickey Mouse Record player has come up. I’ve never been able to find this song on the interwebs.. and I’ve never run across anyone else who’s even heard of the song.. until I sing it for them in my most operatic  vibrato…  Katy and I even performed the song one evening for her boyfriend… and yes, he lost it at the nose solo….

I was out for a walk yesterday and while waltzing down King Street I looked into a store window… and there it was!! The Mickey Mouse record player!  Mickey’s outstretched arm across the turntable as if he was pointing at me.. “Beth! Look! It’s your old pal Mickey!”

I am a huge believer in “signs”.. and this one was certainly directed at me.  On the turntable? No, not the elephant song, but a 45 about “Meditation and Self Realization”… message noted, Universe.

I’ve been re-evaluating and soul searching and working on various self improvement for a while now.. and I certainly believe this message was aimed directly at me.. plus, the thought of that record player and the joy it brought us brings back many happy memories..

I had dogs with me, so couldn’t go in… I called the store later in the day and yes, it’s for sale. I’m going to get it today… and perhaps look through their 45’s for the aforementioned paean to pachyderms…

I’ve never, ever lost an elephant… but I did lose my stuffed dog once.. but more importantly, I’m continually finding out more about myself every day.

The Elephant Song
Have you ever ever lost an elephant? It’s really quite a silly thing to do
But there’s something even sillier.. and that is losing two
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste.
(insert nose solo)
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste…
Arthur and Celeste….
Arthur and Celeste…..Arthur! Celeste!….

Life: The universe is conspiring on my behalf
Love: I love when interesting things happen
Pants: Walking a lot every day.. for exercise and for the adventures!