Category Archives: Adventure

this is why, this is why.. i suck

Well.

It’s been a while.  I know. ugh. Nearly over three months.

oy vey.

Here’s the thing….

I started a bunch of posts and didn’t finish them because …… well…. some excuse.

A lot has been going on.  Like, LOTS.

Tons. Oodles. Many adventures.

So, you would think I would be writing all this stuff down, now, wouldn’t ya?  Well, apparently not.

One thing I did not do over the last 3 months is watch or read anything Twilight. I know nothing about it other than it's about vampires and girly stuff or something.

But let me brief you on what’s been going down.. then .. I will go back, finish the posts I started, and then all will be right with the world. Good times all around, my friends. Oh yes, we’ll get jiggy with it.

Things that have happened and that I will expound upon.. in no particular order…

  • I had a birthday. On that birthday I moved my stuff out of BFF Jodi’s house and into a garage in KW.
  • I went to California. It was cool. No, literally. It was April. It was about the same temperature in KW as in Cali.   Also, I saw a lot of relatives in Cali and a portrait of Arnold Schwarzenegger made of Skittles. It did not change my life in any way and I had actually completely forgotten about it until this moment.
  • My car got crashed.  Not good.
  • Got back from California. Moved the next morning into my new place in the K-dub.  Unpacked et al within days.
  • Started a new super cool gig.
  • Had a party.
  • Got a new car.
  • went to my high school reunion.
  • Proved bench advertising works.
  • Didn’t write blogs. (you already knew that)
  • Discovered a cure for the common cold. Got drunk to celebrate. Accidentally threw out the answer. Back to the drawing board.
  • Then, of course,  some random stuff that I will think of as I start spewing stuff onto the computer screen  ( I know, not the best visual there.. see? out of practice….)

So, my apologies to those of you that have actually checked to see if I’ve written some stuff.. yes, you.. Stacey Thompson-Delorme.. Michelle Walker and of COURSE, Tracy Lennon…  I shall attempt to be more consistent…. as in, the consistency of rice pudding… oh, but I digress.

So yeah, I’ve been sucking.  But I’m making an attempt to make amends.  Please forgive me. (insert tearful weepy face here… preferably of a really cute sad child… that’d make ya well up…)

K. If I’m going to get caught up, I better get moving. Await the avalanche.

Life: Good. Very good.
Love: Love the new place. (see how I got out of answering that directly? Ohhhh I’m sneaky..)
Pants: I’m wearing some. That’s all you need to know for now.

It’s my birthday too! YEAH!

They say it’s your birthday
It’s my birthday too, yeah
They say it’s your birthday
We’re gonna have a good time

Princess Birthday Party a few years ago. Yeah. I rock the tiara..

I’m glad it’s your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Birthday – The Beatles (Lennon/McCartney)

Holy crap.. what a difference a year makes!

Last year… Still stuck in Barrie, trying to sell my house.. SNOWED on my birthday.. overall not one of the BEST birthdays ever (Read about it here … strictly for comparison’s sake..)

And as much as I was attempting to see the good in everything.. people who love me, yadda yadda.. silver linings.. blah blah blah.. (I jest..) It was still slightly depressing… not gonna lie.

Katy and I hung out and it was nice.. but.. at the time… no gig.. and not much else was going on either.
So.. skip ahead a year.

Today, I spent my birthday moving.. not entirely.. but some.  I moved all my things out of BFF Jodi’s house in St. Catharine’s and to my NEW PLACE in Kitchener! (Conveniently located pretty much across the street from the ex husband/kid’s house.. it’s cool.. we’re friends..) I haven’t quite moved in yet.. not till I get back from my trip.. to freakin’ California!!!

SO. I’m sure you now require explanation.

NEW PLACE!!!

In January, my sister Barb asked if I’d be interested and able to go with her to California in April.. .and it was a sweet deal.. so I said yes. In the meantime.. I’ve been doing some contract work for a company in Kitchener which has led to me spending more time there.. (and finding excuses to hang out… not gonna lie… I love the town. Oh, and my kids. Most days anyway…)

Then.. a few weeks ago.. just was checking out online some places in town.. and found a place right near my ex and the kids.. it all just FIT.

THEN.. the company I was doing work for.. asked me to come on full time!
It’s INSANE, really…

To summarize:

Today is my birthday. I moved my things from St. Catharine’s to Kitchener to my new place until I get back.

Tomorrow.. Barb and I are off to San Francisco where we will visit our aunts, uncles and cousins.. drink wine.. ride electric bikes (Yes, there are SO cool, Lara!)  take a boat tour and do many other exciting adventuresome things..

We fly back late on the 16th… and early the 17th I’ll head back to the K-dub.. because…. All my stuff that has been in storage for months will be delivered and FINALLY I will have my own place again.  Sleeping in my own bed every night is something I totally look forward to.

Then.. Monday, April 19th.. my first official day. I am the Social Media Manager for Waters Denison Internet Group.  I map out social media strategy for various clients based on where relevant conversations are happening on the internet.. then I implement said strategy.

Which means.. I Twitter and Facebook for a living. Seriously. (Okay, that’s simplifying it, but still.. WHO better suited to this gig? Really? Yeah that’s right, me… chick who updates her FB status from her physical/church/jail or wherever I happen to be… (but never the washroom. That’s just gross)

Therefore, on this birthday.. Yeah, I’m now forty fuckin’ six.. but it’s awesome. New digs back in the Kdub.. new gig… which I LOVE.. back with friends, kids, family.. AND I’m going to California to celebrate!!

However.. still no love life. Hence, still something to complain about.. 😉

Oh, and since I didn’t have a real chance to celebrate my birthday with my friends…. we’ll do that at the Housewarming party April 24th…

Life: Loving it!
Love: I am loving life… No boys. But… maybe that’s next on my karmic list? Who knows??!
Pants: Okay.. there’s been some slacking.. so maybe Barb and I should take real bikes instead of electric.. LOL

p.s. stay tuned for updates from California..




Sometimes You Should Just be Thankful they aren’t Zombies.

Toward the end of last year, I felt that my posts were getting entirely too somber.  That’s somber, as in sad. Not the short form for sombrero.. but, I digress.

Yeah, some bad stuff happened. Some people died.. I wrote about them and thereby depressed the fuck out of all of us..  but, it was heartfelt, I’ll tell you that much. However, at this time, I would like to point out that I’m getting a little creeped out by Facebook encouraging me to “reach out” to my friends that I haven’t heard from lately.

Hey, Facebook. Enough with the seances.  THEY”RE DEAD.

Like, seriously… I regularly have 3 come up. “Reconnect with Joe Stiffy. You haven’t talked in a while” or whatever the damn thing says. I was at the funeral, dude. I have a pretty good idea why he’s not reconnecting…

I’ll tell you this much..they aren’t updating their statuses.  But it would be cool if they did…

“Buddy is hanging with Hendrix and Mitch Hedberg… it’s 4:20 here ALL the time!”

“Buddy is getting his groove on with Marilyn and Farrah.. to quote the Black Eyed Peas.. It’s gonna be a real good nite 😉 “..

“Adolf really needs some aloe re: this burning in eternal hell thing..”

Stuff like that.

See? THAT would be okay.

Facebook as a conduit to the dead.

Honestly, I have no idea where I was going with this post, other than to say that it freaks me out a little when I get weird messages from people who are dead. Specifically on social media websites.  If they want to come to me in dreams and tell me winning lottery numbers, cool.  But otherwise, yeah, not so sure.

I guess I should just be happy they aren’t the undead and aren’t wanting to eat my brains. And here I thought being single was a problem.

Life: good, thanks
Love: I love bacon and beer. S’all i got at the moment
Pants: jogging pants. Not that I jog or anything.

100 Posts…

I just noticed today that I had surpassed 100 posts.

That’s a lot of words.  It would appear that I have a lot to talk about.. Or more likely I’m just longwinded ..a bit of a babbler..

Regardless, I was taking a look at the original reasons that I started this blog… and thought I’d see how much I’d “progressed”.. if at all….

So, to revisit.. Here are what amounts to my New Year’s resolutions.. and thoughts on the same…

one of my many recent adventures.. this was Oktoberfest.. good times!!

  • Get a job. Preferably one I love and can utilize my skills – mocking others and my insane knowledge of useless trivial information. I am thinking “game show host”.

I, unfortunately, have not become a game show host. I KNOW! What a waste!  However, I have discovered that my ultimate goal is to be a writer.. well, I’m already a writer… but I mean write and get paid for it… like, huge money.. . You know, be on Oprah and stuff.. … Now, as far as the job dealio is concerned, I haven’t secured a traditional 9-5 thing.. which is great.. because I’m really not a 9-5 type of chick.. One thing I’ve discovered is that I like working from home.. or wherever I happen to be.. and also like to work at weird hours (that’s the bohemian creative thingy there methinks..)  So, I’m doing some consulting work.. which is very, very cool. I like it.

  • Move. I love the house I bought. LOVE IT. That’s the biggest bitch about this whole deal. However, I want to live closer to Waterloo where I can see my kids more regularly and be near my friends and people that I love. Do they have any game shows in Waterloo?

I DID move.. to St. Catharines.. to live with my BFF Jodi.  Which is awesome because she rocks.  However, ultimately want to be back in the K-Dub.  I love Kitchener-Waterloo. A LOT.  Big fan.  I am saying aloud that I plan on being back by February.. putting it out into the Universe, so to speak.. gonna make it happen!

  • Find me a boyfriend. I like boys. A lot. However, I seem to be somewhat smarter than many of them and this seems to scare them off. Or it’s my insane good looks. Or my lack of ego. Or the fact that I have spent the last month in my rec room and actually don’t meet humans. I am also removing myself from any internet dating crap (more on that another time). Time to put on my big girl pants and meet aforementioned humans.

This is a tricky one. You see.. I haven’t been ENTIRELY truthful when it comes to the “love” section of the blog.. well, I did take myself off all the internet dating stuff.. mind you, I had a relapse and went back on for a bit.. Chatted with a few guys.. but.. really didn’t have any interest in meeting most.. met a couple.. and.. yeah, not so much. And, removed myself again.

So, to be truthful about this.. hmmm… well, I’ve had some “dates”..  and they were fun and all.. a couple of boys that I liked.. but.. y’know.. nothing came of it.. didn’t work out for various reasons.. so there ya go.

And I’ve rethought this actually.. I guess I don’t so much want a “boyfriend” as just a social life.. which I actually have!! I’ve had a lot of fun lately.. meeting new people and doing fun stuff with some great friends. And really.. fun is the operative word.. I mean, I could “have a boyfriend” if I REALLY wanted one.. I get asked out and stuff. . but.. I want the “right” guy.. ..smart and funny.. Should I be cruising the Perimeter Institute? Comedy clubs?

I know there’s a guy out there for me.. the Universe will send him my way when it’s the right time.. 😉  So I’m in no rush.. and not worried about it. Obviously whoever he is is just not ready for me yet.  After all, I AM a lot to handle….  I’ll just have fun in the meantime!

  • Adopt a healthier lifestyle. i.e. more veggies, less crap, less liquor (unless it’s a special occasion, like, Tuesday..) more exercise. This will be my greatest challenge as you actually have to get off the couch….

This one.. I’ve been.. pretty good with.. I have been eating less crap.. and have been getting more exercise (really should do more crunches though..) I walk dogs for about 60-90 minutes a day (about 5-6K) and all my pants are too big.. so that’s going pretty well. Less liquor?  Well.. ..  let’s put it this way.. if I DIDN’T do all the walking, I’d likely weigh about 300lbs…

So I actually think I’ve done pretty well with them… I’m happy with my progress. But… still working on it and it’s getting better every day…

Life: It’s all good!
Love: I love my life, my friends, my family….. and Kitchener-Waterloo!
Pants: As I said.. they’re bigger.. I’ve moved in a belt notch and just last night a friend told me I was looking skinny. Yay!

40 Minutes I’ll Never Get Back (or why Zamfir should burn in hell…)

I had to call tech support today.. My website (www.evilgeniusmarketing.ca) would not let me upload pics. And I really really wanted that Wizard of Oz pic on there..

My webhosting service is in Vancouver.  Why you ask? Because I am a moron apparently.  A friend suggested them and I went ahead and signed up without realizing they were across the country.  Which means, if I have issues at 9am, it’s 6am there and I have to wait till noon to call the stupid ass toll free line.

zamfir2

I'm sure he's a lovely man, but I still want to snap his flute in half...

So yesterday I posted.. and the picture would NOT load. And I couldn’t reach them. So I emailed. Nothing.

Today.. still not working.. so I called again. Got the recorded .. “press 3 for tech support”.. and was immediately placed in hold music hell.

It was pan flute music. Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute. Playing “My Heart Will Go On”.

Kill me. Now.

I mean, sure, there’s obviously a market for pan flute music.. for dentists’ offices, massage therapists, elevator music and the like.  And apparently, for hold music. REAL HUMANS don’t actually listen to this stuff, like, in their car or anything. I mean, that’s just UNSAFE… the soothing  tones of the pan flute lull you into an altered state and you crash.. see? Not good.

I think the thought is that it’s “calming”.  Yeah. It’s NOT. It’s irritating as fuck.  Seriously. First of all,  I’m a rocker. I’m listening to AC/DC as I write this. There’s no freakin” pan flute in rock music. You can add every other musical instrument ever. Bag pipes. Triangle. Flute. Pan flute is played by that crazy ass satyr Tewt in the “Mighty Hercules” cartoon. HE ONLY SPOKE THROUGH THE PAN FLUTE.  That is messed. But what do you expect… his name’s Tewt.

 

mightyherculestewt4But I digress.

The first.. say.. two minutes.. were okay. I did not feel the need to kill anyone. However.. approaching minute four I was looking for the knife block. To slit my own wrists.

To avoid insanity I started looking for things to do..changed my Facebook status.. and then “liked” everyone’s posts. I was bored. It was a bad move.

I have 763  new emails informing me of everyone who also “liked” or commented on everyone else’s status.

And I wasn’t even drunk.  Although I did look at the clock and think it was 5 o’clock and cracked open a beer. Then realized the clocks hadn’t been turned back.  But that’s beside the point..

So what to do while waiting to be helped? Update my Tweets of course (not to be confused with Tewt..)

I am in tech support muzak hell.

The muzak on hold is lulling me into unconsciousness. I hate you tech support. You are frying my brain via panflute.

I just went on facebook and “liked” EVERYONE’S status. That, my friends, was a mistake. *email box filling with notifications*

.@katbron yes, it is frying my brain….. Damn you Zamfir Master of the Pan flute.

Good news everybody! I’ve received word that hot asian women are dying to meet me! Awesome! (this has nothing to do with tech support.. I just got this good news while I was “liking” everyone on Facebook…)

@meggroff no no.. yours I really really liked. A lot. Best one today. <–Meg accused me of not REALLY liking her status.

I am singing along to the pan flute version of “My Heart Will Go On”.. and  praying for the sweet release of death.

I can actually feel myself slipping into a coma…

Off tech support call.. waited 40 minutes for someone to tell me they’ll call back. Pan flute tune still searing my neurons. arrrrrrgh

@jeffsoltysiak I was on hold for 40 mins. I have pan flute inflicted brain damage.

Yay! Tech support fixed my problem! I forgive you for the pan flute. But not you, Zamfir. Not you.

Eventually I received an email from tech support telling me they reset a whatchamajiggy and the problem should be fixed.. and it was.. and I uploaded my pic.

However, I was still left with the theme to Titanic searing through my grey matter.  You can witness the terror yourself by clicking here.

My heart will go on… but my brain needs some more AC/DC therapy…

Life: Awesome!
Love: I do not love the pan flute. Just sayin’
Pants: I was wearing pants through the entire ordeal.


Have You Ever Ever Lost An Elephant?

I’m going out to buy a record player today. Yes, I am cutting edge.

I’ve kept only one toy from my childhood.. a brown stuffed dog named Jingles.  The pup was a gift on my fifth birthday from my Grandmother… and was my cherished companion every night when I slept.  Many nights I cuddled Jingles.. whispering secrets.. sometimes a few tears…MMRecordPlayer2

Jingles disappeared at one point around the time I was about 30.  I figured it would turn up eventually.. somewhere in the house.  Around the same time, one of my daughter’s first toys.. a small black lamb named “Bobby” (get it? Baaaaaabby…)  also went missing. Despite many searches, they remained lost.

Flash forward five years.. one day I was taking my son Josh to school and was having a chat with his grade 2 teacher when I looked down at the toy shelf.. and there was Jingles!  “That’s my dog!” I exclaimed and went on to “prove” it.. one of Jingles eyes was chipped.. and he had a wire inside him to hold his shape.. it was still bent inside from my many nights of cuddling…

And sitting beside Jingles… was Bobby!!

Mrs. Hardy and I figured out that Katy brought the toys for show and tell and forgot them. They had been sitting in her class ever since.. being played with by countless children over the course of 5 years..  Thankfully, Mrs. Hardy let me take both toys back.. Obviously, we were meant to get Jingles and Bobby back…. Katy and both have these precious childhood souvenirs on display in our respective bedrooms.

Twice recently I had occasion to talk about another childhood toy.. the Mickey Mouse record player.

My sisters and I received it for Christmas from Santa one year along with 100 kids 45’s .. we had picked it out ourselves whilst browsing through the Sears Wish Book. That Santa is SMRT.

We’d play all the records.. and dance around..

My youngest sister, Lara, was very fond of the record player and would play music all day long while Barb and I were at school.  In particular, Lara enjoyed “The Elephant Song”.  She would play the  same 45 over, and over, and over…. again.  My mother drew little elephants on the label so that Lara would know which record it was..

This song has special  notoriety in my family as a result.. .when we were much younger, the three of us started “performing” the song for our cousins and such amid much laughter. There’s a musical interlude in the song.. and when singing it at one point for said relatives, when we got to that part, we elected to insert a “nose solo”. It brought the house down.

As a result of our unique singing ability, my sisters and I have been coerced into singing said musical masterpiece at various family functions.. particularly weddings…. the nose solo is still the highlight of the tune.

So twice in the last week the subject of the infamous Elephant Song and the Mickey Mouse Record player has come up. I’ve never been able to find this song on the interwebs.. and I’ve never run across anyone else who’s even heard of the song.. until I sing it for them in my most operatic  vibrato…  Katy and I even performed the song one evening for her boyfriend… and yes, he lost it at the nose solo….

I was out for a walk yesterday and while waltzing down King Street I looked into a store window… and there it was!! The Mickey Mouse record player!  Mickey’s outstretched arm across the turntable as if he was pointing at me.. “Beth! Look! It’s your old pal Mickey!”

I am a huge believer in “signs”.. and this one was certainly directed at me.  On the turntable? No, not the elephant song, but a 45 about “Meditation and Self Realization”… message noted, Universe.

I’ve been re-evaluating and soul searching and working on various self improvement for a while now.. and I certainly believe this message was aimed directly at me.. plus, the thought of that record player and the joy it brought us brings back many happy memories..

I had dogs with me, so couldn’t go in… I called the store later in the day and yes, it’s for sale. I’m going to get it today… and perhaps look through their 45’s for the aforementioned paean to pachyderms…

I’ve never, ever lost an elephant… but I did lose my stuffed dog once.. but more importantly, I’m continually finding out more about myself every day.

The Elephant Song
Have you ever ever lost an elephant? It’s really quite a silly thing to do
But there’s something even sillier.. and that is losing two
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste.
(insert nose solo)
And that’s what we have done today.. Arthur and Celeste have run away..
Their mother’s crying and worried so… oh where oh where did our elephants go?
We have lost 2 little elephants.. we’re looking north and south and east and west..
for two thousand pounds of dear little elephants.. named Arthur and Celeste…
Arthur and Celeste….
Arthur and Celeste…..Arthur! Celeste!….

Life: The universe is conspiring on my behalf
Love: I love when interesting things happen
Pants: Walking a lot every day.. for exercise and for the adventures!

The Luckiest Girl in the World

Today was a strange anniversary of sorts… the 15th Anniversary of the day I was cut out of a car.  I reflect and celebrate this day every year.

In October 1994 I found out I was pregnant with our second child.. I told my husband on our anniversary.. October 6th.  That weekend we went to my parents for dinner… told them I was pregnant again .. and we went to the movies (went to see True Lies…)  And… my car was stolen from the parking lot of the Centre Mall in Hamilton, Ontario (yeah yeah, cracks about the Hammer.. I’ve heard ’em all…).

joshmom

We're survivors. And good looking too... LOL

On the plus side, we got a ride home in a police car.. on the downside, we lost my briefcase, some golfclubs.. five year old Katy lost her “bra” .. she was quite upset.. oh, and the car.

The car.. my little red 1990 Dodge Shadow.. was found about a week later and we towed it to Waterloo to get fixed up. All in all it was gone about a month.. and on November 1, 1994 I went to Gary’s Automotive to pick up my newly restored vehicle.

It was AWESOME! All clean and repainted and pretty and shampooed.. I sat in the parking lot for a bit waiting for the car to defog and just getting used to it.. then headed out of the parking lot.

I drove about a block and stopped at the sign.. it’s a funny intersection where the stop sign is before the corner and there’s a bunch of trees… I stopped at the sign very carefully as there were new brakes on the car… then started through the intersection… and was suddenly slammed by another car.

I literally didn’t see what hit me. Tires screeching, glass shattering.. the awful crashing sound… I spun 180 degrees and ended up across the street on the lawn of a business.

People came running.. I didn’t appear to be bleeding… but the back of my head hurt.. I had been hit on the driver’s side and I was practically in the middle of the car.  All I could think about was that I was eight weeks pregnant… and would the baby be okay.

One of the women who came to help asked who she could call.. I gave her my husband’s number.. the paramedics arrived. I was in shock.

The firefighter told me I’d have to be cut out of the car. I asked him to pass me my purse.  He said I didn’t need it, but I insisted. I dug through it and handed him a piece of gum.  He had AWFUL breath. (I told you, I was in shock).

I told them that I was pregnant. … They cut me out, put me on a backboard and in an ambulance and to the hospital.  They took the fellow who hit me too.. another mechanic testing the brakes on a car (guess they weren’t working so great…) He had a large gash in his head.. he hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt and hit the windshield.

My husband showed up at the hospital and the first thing he said to me was “if you’re going to have a car accident every time you get pregnant, we’re not having any more kids”.. I had had a minor fender bender while pregnant with Katy…. I laughed.  Then I cried. I was terrified. And covered in glass.

They wanted to xray me but could not due to the pregnancy..  they checked me out.. but they gave me an ultrasound which showed the baby’s heartbeat.. and then tried to get me to stand at which point I screamed out in pain. I had fractured my pelvis at my right hip.  Consequently I was bedridden for weeks and had to walk with crutches and a cane for a long time… and no drugs because of the baby. I was fine with that. As long as my baby was safe.

It was a difficult pregnancy as a result.. and then the delivery of the baby was fraught with problems and I had to have an emergency Caesarean section. He nearly died. I nearly died.

But we didn’t.  Joshua Sade James Warren is now a wonderful 14 year old boy… well, as wonderful as 14 year old boys can be.

He’s hilariously funny.. and I thank God every single day that we both lived through our ordeal.  Because it could have been much much worse.

So, this morning I gave him a hug and told him what day it was and that I loved him and that I was SO thankful that he was an irritating, smart ass,  pain in the butt teenager. And he told me he loved me too. Then he played “Mortal Combat”. Again. And did not watch his language.

Later in the day Josh and I were trying to heave some pumpkins into a large refuse container and not having a ton of luck.. (it’s very tall).. we would throw them and miss and they would nearly hit us ….but we were laughing our heads off..  Then we were headed out.. and  once we got into the car realized that Josh had stepped in dog crap.. so we had to pull over so he could freak out and clean off his shoe.

He got quite upset over his little accident.. but I reminded him that in the scheme of things.. it was really inconsquential. And he agreed. But still complained a bit.

As many challenges as life throws my way, I know I’m up for them.  I could be dead. I could not be mother to one of the most wonderful people in the world (please keep in mind that my daughter is also one of those..)

I have my beautiful children… my health.. I no longer walk with a limp (although the hip does pain me on occasion..).. and I have a wonderful life.

And therefore, I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Life: All good baby!
Love: Here’s your answer
Pants: Looser! All good…