Usually when I write it’s because I have something funny to say.. or some moving story I wish to share. Or I had a bad haircut.. or what have you. I’m not sure where this one fits in, but I will say I have not had a haircut in a long time.
The brunt of it is: I was a very bad friend.
I recently “lost” two people from my life. Both of whom I considered dear friends. However, through my own doing, we aren’t friends anymore.
In both cases, I was very close to each of these people. Then, life got in the way and I neglected both friendships. In both cases, took the friendship for granted. Didn’t see either of them, or talk to them or make attempts at being a good friend to either despite their reaching out to me.
Then, to make matters worse.. I became not just a neglectful friend, but a bad friend.
Not to go into specifics or name names .. but in both cases, I behaved very badly. Things happened that I misinterpreted. I was confrontational. I made accusations. I made assumptions and suppositions. I was wrong.
Regardless of what I was feeling at the time, the situation and anything else that was going on, I had no right to treat anyone the way I did. Especially people I considered friends. I was awful. Things will never be the same.
Both relationships are torn, strained at best. One friend no longer talks to me. I’m not “unfriended”, but I am. I’ve apologized. That’s all I can do. I believe the damage to be irreparable. But it’s my own fault. I bear the blame.
The other friend and I have talked.. chatted…. exchanged messages. We’ve said we’ll still be friends. Seems sincere enough. But it’s still not quite the same.
Again, my fault.
Every one of us has people with whom we have a falling out, drift apart from.. or what have you. One day you wake up and realize you’re no longer friends. But in these 2 cases I can’t blame moving away or finding different interests or drifting apart. Just my own damn fault for being insecure.
I guess the point of this is.. life goes on. Moves forward. Continues. And it will. There will be new friends.
But they won’t replace the space in my heart the old ones occupied.
But on the bright side, it’s made me look at the other relationships in my life and cherish them more. Appreciate my friends. Treasure them. Be less selfish. And not take anything or anyone for granted.
I guess in the end it’s taught me how to be a good friend. Or at least not a terrible one. I hope.
Life: moving along
Love: will be addressed in future posts
Pants: oh @#$@#$ let’s not even go there. This will also be addressed in the future. I’m firmly believing the less I write the more weight I gain. ugh.