I’ve Devolved into a Hairy Chested Shirtless Man. (or why I suck at dating…)

A few posts back, I promised I’d update on the LOVE section. Oy vey.  This is a sad sad tale, my friends.. get out the tissues.

Soooooo…… as anyone who reads my rantings knows, I’m not very successful in the “love” department.  Well, I have HAD successful relationships, don’t get me wrong.. but just haven’t had one for a while.  Many things have influenced this sad state of affairs.. I don’t meet a lot of men my own age, for one.. but, just haven’t met anyone I’m truly interested in…

But I digress.

Recently I had a few incidents that shed much light under the proverbial bushel known as my love life..  As you are likely aware, yes, I attempted the online dating again.  *Sigh*

not the actual guy.

Needless to say, there were some interesting characters responding to my ad. Many of whom could not string together a simple sentence (hint: use verbs).. or were just generally of no interest to me.

I did chat online with a few fellows.. but nothing really progressed beyond that.. I even met a couple..

On one occasion, I had been chatting online with one guy and we realized that we had mutual friends .. and we oft times frequented the same establishments.. and this one particular evening we both showed up for a local blues jam in town.  I was out with my daughter Katy, and her friend Lisa.. and he came over to say hi when he recognized me.

At first he seemed nice enough.. despite the entire wardrobe made of denim and matching scarf… but as the evening progressed and he consumed even more alcohol, he just became.. well… obnoxious.

Aside from telling us how great he was, he felt compelled to tell us about his workout regimen and then proceeded to practically remove his shirt in the bar so that we could properly admire his abs.  This was not a pleasant site, as it appeared that he was wearing a brown sweater. He was not. ‘Nuff said.  I’m sure in different circumstances he’s a very nice man, but seriously, dude.. trying far too hard.

On another occasion, I started conversing with another guy online who was quite intelligent and well spoken, and reasonably entertaining.  However, then he kind of freaked me out.  He Googled me.  He found out my last name, requested my Facebook friendship.. and started reading this blog.  (He and I discussed this, I’m no longer freaked out.. but it seemed slightly creepy at the time. Duh. I forgot that if you hit “view profile” on the MSN that you can then see someone’s last name, etc.. I’m pretty. I don’t have to be smart.)

Regardless, at the time I was a little… well, freaked.  I felt cyber stalked (although a friend of mine recently said that cyber stalking is this century’s version of staring across the bar… well, kinda, but without creeping ALL their photos…).

The whole online thing wasn’t all negative though.. I did meet a very nice guy and we hung out a few times. Until he … disappeared.  I assume he found someone he liked more.. all good, my feelings aren’t hurt. I hope he’s doing well.  And that he’d finish that stupid Scrabble game we started on Facebook. (Oh, maybe that’s it.. I was KILLING him.. )

I also met another nice guy online… one night, we exchanged a couple of emails and then on the spur of the moment decided to meet for a drink.

Now, I am generally a fairly cautious individual in this regard. I like to chat online for a while to determine whether or not there will be some inkling of camaraderie.. some indication of good conversation.. because you just never know when someone may turn out to be a serial killer. After all, THEY LOOK LIKE US.. have we learned NOTHING from Dexter????

This impetuous meeting of course made me somewhat nervous…. I had to rush to get ready as I hadn’t showered all day.. and then I had.. the pants emergency.

I could not find my pants. My “good jeans”. I have many pairs of jeans, but most are too big (Please see “pants” portion of blog)… I really only have a couple of pair that look good on me.. after 20 minutes of searching, I called my daughter. Yes, my pants were in Kitchener.

Awesome.

So.. I put on one of my many skirts.. and feeling far too dressed up, went to meet my date for the drink.

He was cute. Quite good looking as a matter of fact.  And funny.. intelligent.. quite charming.. we seemed to have lots to talk about and got along fairly well, I thought..

The establishment we were at was closing.. so we went to another to continue our conversation.. all in all it was quite a fun night.  At the end of our time together, there was the usual.. ok, we’ll have to do this again type thing…

The next day, I text’d him.. and he responded.. all good.  Then.. me being the friendly type of course sent another text with something I found amusing later in the week.. and.. then I had a link I thought he might be interested in.. so I found him (at least I think it was him…) on Facebook and sent it.. and then another text re: something funny.. you’re getting the picture here.

I realize that there was no huge “Love Connection” or anything.. but figured he was a cool guy and I was just sending stuff like I’d send to any friend.. had hoped we could be friends and stuff… but.. yeah. I’m sometimes a little too intense.

I was discussing the hairy shirtless guy and the “cyber stalker” with someone and how I had felt uncomfortable, etc. And suddenly realized…

I was a hairy shirtless cyber stalker. Oh, and texter. (that’s TEXTER not DEXTER)

Thinking back to our evening together.. I was nervous.   Anxious. And.. thinking about it now.. likely obnoxious. I talk too much (you already knew that..) I’m loud, brash.. sometimes politically incorrect…..

First of all.. I was way overdressed for the occasion and in retrospect likely looked like I was trying WAY too hard (mind you, I dress like this often, but for this visit to the pub… yikes… )  Plus, I think I was pretty much like one of those 8 year olds trying to impress the adults… “LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!! WATCH ME WHILE I DO A BACKFLIP OFF THE HIGHDIVE!!”

Fuck. I’ve officially become pathetisad. FML. Usually, I only let the crazy out in little bits. Not this time, as I recall….

Hell, I was awful at dating when I was a kid. I SUCK AT IT.  I suppose I could blame the various head injuries,  combined with nerves, alcohol and the hope that he wasn’t a serial killer, or worse yet, a Jehovah’s Witness.. but still.. Really?  Ugh.  I have become what I despise most.  Seemingly desperate.

On a normal, regular basis.. I’m pretty relaxed.. pretty easygoing.. most think I’m a pretty cool chick (either that or they’re just humouring me.. wouldn’t be the first time I’m sure…)  I tend to have a self deprecating sense of humour and a healthy sense of the absurd combined with an overabundance of ironic wit and sarcasm.. Which, perhaps some don’t enjoy… but.. that’s who I am.  Only I was MORE SO on this particular occasion, methinks.  Apparently it’s because I’m an Aries..

Women born under this sign typically are more aggressive and forceful in getting the things that they want. Because of that, they can sometimes have problems in their romantic relationships. An Aries women is forever in the search for a ’real man’ who will be able to handle her. (or perhaps that should say “put up with me”.. LOL)

Regardless, I’m a “live and learn” type person.. everything happens for a reason, I’m wont to say.. So, I learned something.  Be myself.. stop overtrying.. stop texting the poor guy… oh, and wax my hairy, cyber stalking chest.

There may be plenty of fish.. but I think I’m out of the pond for a while.. 😉

Life: Things are good otherwise.
Love: Did you not READ the post?
Pants: I wore a skirt. See above.
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12 responses to “I’ve Devolved into a Hairy Chested Shirtless Man. (or why I suck at dating…)

  1. Funny. I can kind of relate (except for the whole brown sweater thing). I would say that I wouldn’t mind seeing you shirtless and wouldn’t care of you were, uh, hairy–but that would be in bad taste, right?

  2. …only ‘reasonably entertaining’…? That’s only because I never got the opportunity to remove MY shirt! I guess now I’m forced to come up with something other…. maybe something here from column ‘B’……..

  3. Mr Lavatorious

    i DIG your pond.
    i think it’s Adorable u were overdressed and over-anxious.
    (i’m virgo; can we ‘handle’ the aries?)
    YOU’RE BEING TOO HARD ON YOURSELF, u talk all the time because u have so much to SAY.
    (please don’t stalk me. there is Nothing of any interest in my background; You’ll be BORED.)
    – xoxo :o)

  4. thanks for the early morning vomits session Miss Beth. That’s just nasty! LOL

  5. Re: “search for a ’real man’ who will be able to handle her.”
    I am an Aries and I concur!!!

  6. Dear Lord girl you are FUNNY!!!

    And I know you well enough to know that there are tons of guys out there that would give their left arm for even a shot at a woman like you! (and yes, my wife knows I posted this. LOL)

  7. Why are so many bald guys so hairy everywhere else? You should have told him you don’t date guys who wear fur…..

  8. Fascinating. Or, Interesting. Not sure which 🙂

  9. Entertaining read 🙂

    I’ve found it funny how many “Dexters” are actually out there. Okay, maybe not to that extreme, but they all look normal at first. 90 seconds of conversation, though, I find myself wondering if I could successfully pretend to have a phone call I “must answer” that immediately summons me to the office.

    You can generally measure the socially awkward by their level of extreme 🙂 Men can be extremely forward, and women extremely needy, and this usually comes with some heightened level of ego 🙂

  10. Whi is this man…he take my breath away !

  11. the scarft with the denim should have been a warning sign right there!

    re bald men with body hair…apparantly it’s related. but why? why?

    love the blog. still deciding about the Cars.

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