Rumour has It…

Walking through the line at the grocery store I can’t help but be drawn to the magazines at the checkout..

You see all the celebrities and all their problems and stuff on the headlines of the mags, and you can’t help but wonder what is fact and what’s fiction..

Obviously, the REFUSING TO EAT headline is not about me..

Are Brad and Angelina DONE?

Is Brittany back on whatever the heck she was on? Is she CRAZZZZZZZY?

What about those poor Gosselin kids? Oprah’s weight? Nicole Richie’s weight? And what the heck is wrong with Lindsay Lohan? (other than the drugs and alcohol. Oh, and the crazy..)

Whatever.  Like I care. Yes, some rumours are based in truth… but seriously. Why on earth do people really care?

Because it gives them something to talk about other than their own mundane lives.

Which leads me to…….. rumours that I’ve run across about me in the last year through various sources…

Let me set ya straight..

1 – That I had moved to Nashville.  – Based in fact, but not quite true – Well.. yes, I talked to someone about possibly working with a company in Nashville, however it became painfully obvious that dude was not tremendously interested in my brain, but more so everything below it. Needless to say that once he sent me some “personal photos” I realized that this would not be a stellar career move. ‘Nuff said.

2 – That I was taking a gig in Florida.  – Partially true – I was offered a job working for a rap music label in Florida.  A lovely young “gangsta” offered me the gig as he “likes to surround himself with white people as the homies will rip you off.”  This did not happen for a variety of reasons.  Suffice to say that I hate rap music.

3 – Joining the UFC. – Based in fact – Ok, I just wrestled with some chick in a bar on a dare for some free drinks. Okay. That’s not true either. I made the whole thing up cuz I thought it sounded cool.

4 – I was getting engaged and moving out west.  – Based in fact – I was enraged at one point. And I was thinking of taking a trip to Edmonton to visit a friend. Does that count?

5 – Spent time in rehab. – False – Rehab is for quitters.

6 – I found Jesus – True – He was under the couch cushion with the remote.

7 – I was moving to KW – True. Sorta – Well,  I moved to St. Catharines and technically still live there. But I’m planning on moving to the K-dub ASAP.

8 – I’m pregnant. John Mayer is the father. – SO TOTALLY FALSE  – do you not read the blog?  And the closest I ever came to Mayer was sitting in his ass print once after Fernando worked with him one time and had to drive him around.

9 – I’m anorexic. – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Really? Really? LMAO

10 – I’m working on a plan for world domination. – True – Still finalizing my evil plot.

Life: Going well..
Love: Nothing to see here
Pants: Yeah, I got some.
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One response to “Rumour has It…

  1. BWAHAHAHAHA!

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