The Littlest Astronaut

Please note the following conversation occurred without the addition of alcohol, crack cocaine or liquid NyQuil….

I was visiting with my friends, Jennifer and Todd Nutbrown, a while back and we were discussing what’s going on in our lives.. they had a baby on the way… I’m doing some writing.. blah blah blah. (Please note that I started this post before the ever so gorgeous Ayson Todd Nutbrown was born on December 21st, 2009… yeah, I’m a slacker..)

Yeah, I know this is a kid.. trust me, no "midget astronaut" pics on the web....

Todd asked me what exactly what I was writing and I explained that I’m in the process of writing a book.  This peaked Todd’s interest and he asked if he could be a character in my novel.

The novel is based upon situations and events that have happened in my life…so I told him I didn’t see why not.. sure, I’d add him to the roster.

Well, Todd then decided that his character would be called.. what else.. Todd Nutbrown.  Todd Nutbrown, the astronaut.  And not  just an astronaut, but a MIDGET astronaut!

We then discussed the difference between midgets and dwarves.. midgets being little people who are proportionate, whereas dwarves have “normal” sized torsos and heads but their arms and legs are of a less proportionate size.

(Please note that this is at least the second time I have discussed “little people” in this blog. Once again, no offense is intended toward those of a smaller stature.)

Then, of course, we had to discuss of which type were the family members of  “Little People, Big World”.. etc. But I digress.

Todd continued with his character development by deciding that not only would his character be a midget astronaut.. but he’d go into space alone.. where he’d go CRRRAAAAAAAAAAZY… and when he arrived back on earth, decided to become a cross dresser.  And as I recall, join the UFC or wrestling..he also may or may not have had an eye patch.

At this point in the conversation, Jennifer asked Todd to get her a bottle of water .. and he pretended to be all put out by the request and griped about it.. to which Jenn replied “OH SURE! I have to put up with your  cross dressing and astronauting and you can’t even get the mother of your unborn child a bottle of water!”  “But did you ever think you DROVE me to it? It might be all your fault.. maybe we should go to couples therapy…” says Todd.

Seriously people, I can’t even make this stuff up.

You have to take into consideration that, long story short.. I believe Todd has a screw loose. In a very good way, of course.  It’s why he and I get along so well.  That, and our mutual love of Anchorman and various other whacked movies.

does he LOOK like a midget astronaut? no. The bundle of joy is lovely Ayson.. who now, has the nickname of "Carlos"

For example, I can always tell when Todd is working on the weekend as I’ll receive random texts when he’s bored. Not your garden variety “hey how ya doing” .. it will be  a random quote from a movie that I have to figure out and then respond with an appropriate quote from the same movie.. often, Anchorman.. however, one of our more recent text conversations went as follows:

Todd: Not at the table, Carlos!
Me: Tigers love pepper… they hate cinnamon.
Todd: It would be so cool if I could breast-feed.
Me: I’m not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school… or a Chuck E. Cheese.
Todd: Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or don’t, but do me a favor: don’t text me, it’s gay.
Me: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
Todd:Jesus, he’s like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.
Me: Oh, you know what? Next week’s no good for me… The Jonas Brothers are in town. But any week after that, it’s totally fine.

This exchange of quotes from the Hangover went on for approximately 1.5 hours. Yes, we are 12.

Suffice to say that Todd amuses me greatly (as does his lovely wife/my BFF Jenn).. and although I doubt he’ll ever be an astronaut in real life (nor a midget).. I can only hope to do him justice by writing about his fantasy world.

After all, he IS a bit of a big deal….

Astronaut tales may not make the novel though.. I think it’s more of a short story.. (yes, went for the obvious joke there, but I don’t care who you are, that’s still funny…)

Life: All well
Love: Move along.. nothing to see here
Pants: Yes, wearing some. Hey.. haven’t been working out as much as I should, but enough that I eat whatever I want and my pants are still loose. All good.
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4 responses to “The Littlest Astronaut

  1. Thank god you’re updating. Now please write MORE!! Daily if at all possible. You really are the funniest girl in the world!

  2. Beth, I have no idea where or how I found your website but I find you hysterical. I’m really enjoying going back through your posts.

  3. Glad to see the new post. Makes me want to be in your novel too! Can’t quit figure out a char as cool as Todd’s though. Hmmm… Maybe I could be an anorexic sumo wrestler or something. Lol. Can’t wait for your next post.

  4. Great post Beth, you always entertain us. Your creativity in writing is most enjoyable! You definitely confirmed Todd’s wackiness!!
    Till the next post!

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