I often maintain that my ultimate goal is world domination. Kinda like Pinky and the Brain.“What’re we going to do tonight, Brain?” “Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Try to take over the world.”
And although I am kind of short, my plans aren’t usually thwarted by being a lab rat. I have opposable thumbs.. of reasonable stature.. I’m something of an evil genius.. obviously I have a lot going for me…. not being an experimental rodent and all.
So, you ask, WHY have I not succeeded in this lofty goal? Why have I not completed my quest for world domination and ultimate supremacy?
Three words: Bad hair days.
Pinky and the Brain have time. They don’t have hair. They have fur. Far more manageable. No fussing about allows them time to work on their evil plans. Me? Not so lucky.
I have tempermental hair. It’s a struggle. Today for instance.. My bangs were all wonky and I tried to re-do them a few times by wetting them and re-drying them but it was no use. They still looked dumb. They went all “flippy”. So instead of getting on with aligning my very own “axis of evil” I had to break out the straightener.
I believe this to be why most world leaders are male. They don’t give a crap about their hair. Think about it. Winston Churchill? He did not spend any time on that lid. Gorbachev? Really. Look at it. No effort at all there.
There’s a reason why Khomeini wore the headgear, same with Che Guevara and Castro. It’s not all about fashion or religious stuff.. it was to hide the bad hair, I’m convinced. They neglected their appearances and thus had far more time for socio-political activity.
Don’t even try to bring up Margaret Thatcher with me. THAT hairdo was not stellar. I read on the interwebs that it was actually a hat made of horsehair. It’s why it never moved. Here’s the bottom line: Women have SO MUCH MORE to do than men that the “taking over the world” thing winds up on the end of the list.
We don’t JUST have hair, but make-up, picking out the cute shoes… nails.. lots of other things. Not to mention everything else we do.. birthing babies, making dinner, cleaning up after everyone else in the family.. wiping up various bodily functions expelled by kids and pets, shopping for everyone in the family, putting together Hallowe’en costumes, breaking up fights, driving people around.
Women already have to be chauffeurs, cooks, cleaners, doctors, police, negotiators, public relations officials, wardens, financial advisors, comedians, actors, and mechanics.. just to shortlist it. AND we like to look good doing it, so we must also be beauticians.
Hence, why my bad hair has prevented me from my destiny of being either supreme leader.. or perhaps a game show host. Instead of recruiting minions, I was busy getting pretty.
I gotta go. I think I left the straightener on…Life: Labour Day weekend.. fun for all! Love: No comment. Pants: Still working on it. No weight loss as for all the working out I do, I reward myself with licorice and wine. *sigh*