My Expiration Date…

I was asked out on a date. Yikes.

“Finally!” you say… “she’s actually going to address the LOVE part of this damned blog!” Oh, I’m sure it’s been weighing heavily on your mind.. (that, my friends, is sarcasm…)

Yes, a date. A boy asked me out. Hmmmm…

I really haven’t “dated” much in my lifetime.. it’s kind of strange. But then again I was married for a long time..then in a relationship for several years.

My first date was when I was 11 or 12. Chris-the-boy-next-door asked me to go see “TOMMY” with him. I agreed. It would be fun, plus, I would get to see the movie.. (this was during my huge crush on Elton John before I clued in that he was gay.) I was excited.. and suddenly extremely nervous. So I invited my sister and my 2 visiting cousins to come along. Then I made them sit between Chris and I. He was not impressed. Not an auspicious start to my dating career.

In high school no one had any money so “dates” weren’t commonplace.. they mostly involved just hanging out in someone’s rec room. My first “date” with my high school boyfriend was a Goddo concert .. at the Delta Theatre on Friday April 13th (Good Friday). After that we went out all through high school..and mostly just “hung out”.

I really didn’t go on a “real date” till college. And unfortunately, it was just as… successful.. as my very first date.

This fellow named James had a huge crush on me.. and he was nice enough, but I just did not feel the same way about him. But he was persistent and felt he could win me over. He literally BEGGED me to go out with him for his birthday. So I did.

James took me to a very nice restaurant and ordered a bottle of wine (Black Tower, as I recall.. this could have started my dislike of German wines..) which he did not drink because he was driving.. so it was all mine. And I accepted, graciously.

James meant well, but in reality, we had nothing to talk about. He was somewhat older than me having come back to college.. and I did not find him the least bit attractive. I’m not one to judge based solely on looks.. I’m a brain/personality girl.. but .. James was not up to the lowest of my standards. He was nice.. he brought me flowers, took me to a fancy restaurant.. etc. But he was about as entertaining as watching Dennis Rodman act. Or Paris Hilton sing. Yup, bad.

Therefore in order to entertain myself I played a little game of “let’s finish all this wine”. I think James got it in the hopes that the booze would lessen my inhibitions. The only thing it really accomplished was increasing my desire and ability to rule the conversation. It did not, however, increase my desire when it came time to say good night. James made a poorly executed attempt at trying to kiss me (this involved him attempting to use his full body weight of approximately 300 lbs to pin me to the front seat of his Dodge) to which I adamantly refused. Needless to say, there was no second date.

Some of the other spectacular one-offs from the dating highlight reel include

  • a guy who took me to see E.T. and cried his eyes out.. and I did not.. never heard from him again.
  • A fellow named Brian who somehow thought that uttering the phrase “all my friends are dead” was somehow a turn on. Then he proceeded to tell me how each of them had died. Creeeeeeeeeeepy…
  • Diego – who thought that buying a girl an ice cream cone was sufficient reason for putting his hand up my skirt.
  • A guy named Paul who thought it was impressive to show me how many shooters he could do. I wasn’t impressed by the quantity and was even less impressed when he regurgitated them onto my shoes.
  • Ronald McDonald – yes, his real name.. but he called himself “Kenny”.. who thought himself a superstar and had to sing in my ear all night.

And the list goes on… nothing too traumatic or awful. Guys who expected me to pay. Guys who were just jerks. One guy who told me I was “bite-able” But mostly just a “not clicking” kind of thing. But I’ve had good dates too – the ex and I went to the movies and mini golfing on our first date.. Fernando and I went out for dinner. The “good” parts of both were the conversation.. that’s what made it fun.

As I said, I’m a brain girl.. I like smart and funny.

After Fernando and I split, I wasn’t ready to date for a while.. and yes, signed up for the online dating thing.. Only went out with 3 guys. Guy #1 was very very nice and we had a lovely time, but really had nothing in common. No spark. Not even close. Guy #2 and I met for some wings and beer… nice enough looking fellow.. was somewhat interesting to talk to but…. nothing. Never talked again. Guy #3 and I agreed that there wasn’t a connection, but have remained friends.

So it’s with all these “not so great” dating experiences under my belt that I’m not.. “looking for love”. I don’t go out of my way to meet guys. I think I have a few other more pressing things to worry about at the moment. I came to realize specifically with the online thing that most guys my age are looking for girls HALF my age.. so it’s a wee bit disheartening. Therefore it was surprising to be asked out this week. Flattering.. kind of fun. He’s a friend of a friend.. and we’ve been chatting online for a bit. And he apparently likes me. He reads my blog and thinks I’m funny and thinks I should stop flirting “with cute boy on the internet” and have a REAL date. So that’s ….interesting…and I considered… but…

Long story short.. I said no. I just don’t think of him in “that way”. I don’t really have a “type” .. but I just don’t think he’s even close. But here is the kicker. He says to me “well, you’re not getting any younger you know…” Yup, cause I’m like a carton of 2% and might go bad at any time.

Needless to say… I think I’m still a ways off from my expiration date…. at least I hope so!

Life: I will know this week when I will be moving. To where.. ? That remains to be seen.
Love: See above.
Pants: Let’s skip this one for now. They are all too big still.. but .. need to “get back on the horse”. Maybe some yoga.

2 responses to “My Expiration Date…

  1. Just think what could have been had we actually sat next to each other! How the heck do you remember that stuff! I forgot about your cousins but do remember going to the movie!

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