Everyone at some point goes through a breakup. If you haven’t, then you are a freak of nature. Or high school sweethearts. Or in a religious order. Anyhow, chances are you have at some point either broken up with someone, been broken up with.. or both. It sucks. It’s sad… and it usually messes you up for some time.
I had my own awful break up this year with Fernando. It was tough, but we have tried to stay friends through the whole thing (which is apparently wrong wrong wrong…)… and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it isn’t working and we have an “incident” then it’s akin to breaking up all over again. And once again it sucks ass.
We had one of these moments recently and it threw me …. hard. I just couldn’t understand… WTF?? So what did I do you ask? I went to Chapter’s… I had a gift card to spend… and books and a Latte seem to make me feel better. I bought 6 books… 4 novels and 2 “self help” …and a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte.
The one that caught my eye and that I ending up reading first was entitled “It’s Called a Break Up because It’s Broken”.. brilliant. We broke up some time ago, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt me to read it. And I was right….. it was not painful in the least… The book was hilarious for one, but also made me think about some stuff. Yes, we had gone about our breakup the “wrong” way, but it ended up working for us… but perhaps it would have been easier and cleaner if we had gone about it differently.. Regardless, the book is brilliant and if you have had a relationship fall apart, it’s truly worth the $15 or whatever I paid for it (oh yeah, it was free…. gift card!) http://www.itscalledabreakup.com/
As I read it, I recognized some of my own bad behaviour, things I had done right or well.. or insane and ill advised….. and thought of things that I should be or could be doing. I mean, I’m pretty good with Fernando right now… we’ve made our peace and all and I can honestly say that we are truly friends. (I have a tendency to be friends with most of my ex’s… all but Psycho Steve….) But one part of the book really hit me in the head.
You’re not in the same relationship.
It just suddenly crystallized for me. I thought about every relationship I had ever had….. boyfriends, the ex-husband, friends and even work relationships. At some point your priorities, goals and dreams change and you’re NOT IN THE SAME RELATIONSHIP. You’re together, but you aren’t. I suddenly understood why these relationships were broken. At some point, things changed. I started thinking about friendships that had gone by the wayside… there are several that I regret I hadn’t taken better care of… however… at some point our lives changed and our needs weren’t being met. So we moved on. I can even relate this to my recent job situation. Needs changed. Move on.
During the time I was reading the book, there were a few breakup dramas going on around me.. One friend who was going through a breakup and another who had suddenly had contact from her ex after a year. Both situations were painful for my friends (both of whom I have encouraged to read the aforementioned book…) and I was thinking about it while cleaning the house. I went to throw something in the garbage can and I thought “this garbage smells…”
So I prepared to throw it out.
And then it struck me….. breakups stink to high heaven. A lot of life situations reek. They smell so badly that they cloud your senses, your judgement.. and make you feel sick. Think about it… if you had an old rotting chicken in the fridge, and it had a “fowl” odor (haha I kill me!) you would throw it out, right?
So why don’t people throw out their emotional garbage? It reeks just as badly.
If you were sprayed by a skunk, would you keep those smelly clothes? Nope, you’d ditch them ASAP. You’d scrub all the stink off yourself, get rid of the offensive clothing, clean yourself up, put on some perfume and move on with your life… (hey, remember that episode of the Partridge Family when the skunk got on the bus and then they had to play at a hospital in pyjamas? yeah, that was a good one….)
So it makes me wonder why people (by people, I mean me..) hang onto emotional garbage. All the stench filled bad feelings that muddle your brain, make you feel rotten, and make it so hard to move forward. There’s no coincidence that when something bad happens, people call it shitty. Seriously, everyone has stuff they’ve been holding onto for years in the trash bin section of the brain… I figured it was time to kick mine to the curb.
I took a piece of paper and wrote down all the things I still feel badly about… events that happened and stunk and were still bothering me….. then I read it a bunch of times. Then I wrote down at least one positive thing that came of the shitty thing. Then I re-read it. Then I felt better.
Then I tore it up and threw it in the trash. And I seriously let it go. I know there will be times I wish to backslide and feel sorry for myself. But I’ll try to remember that I threw that shit out. I’ve moved on. I broke up with all those detestable feelings.
Sometimes life stinks. But I think all you have to do is get rid of all the garbage…..
Life: It’s a work in progress
Love: Still flirting with cute boy via internet. Nothing else to report.
Pants: I have been uber good with working out. Except today. But I will walk Mocha the Wonderdog instead.