I believe IKEA is the Swedish word for Orgasm.

I hate shopping. Well, for clothes anyway. I am just not one of those people who can wander around the mall looking at stuff for hours on end. Just does not excite me. I will go and shop for a particular item.. like, if I need a dress for something.. but not just for amusement. That is what porn is for. But I digress.

There are exceptions to the “no shopping” rule. Food shopping. Home Improvement stores. Office supply stores. And IKEA.

I love food. I love food shopping. I love to eat. I really like big Zehrs where you can get food AND stuff. Add the wine store onto that and I could live there.

When I walk into Staples or Office Depot…. *sigh*.. it is like a little piece of heaven. I love the smell of the paper.. the various office supplies, chairs, new computers, fancy printers.. It makes me happy.

I love the smell of lumber…. I love Canadian Tire, Home Depot, Rona.. I love buying things to fix up the house… or tools.. or a new lawnmower. Yes, I am a bit of a boy.

However, NONE of those things are any comparison to the love of my life. IKEA. I get excited just thinking about it. I’ve come to realize that I think it’s because my relationship with IKEA is likely the most stable in my life (other than my children, of course). IKEA woos me with it’s sights, smells and fine craftsmanship. IKEA never lets me down.
Yesterday I had to take the daughter to meet up with her dad so that she could go back to Waterloo for the weekend. So we arranged to meet at the IKEA on Highway 7 and the 400. So excited. I didn’t really need anything, but just the joy of being amongst all that Swedish ingenuity.. oh my.

IKEA is a store where I COULD just wander about, looking for hours. I love it. I love how it smells of meatballs and cinnamon buns, $1 breakfast and 50 cent hot dogs.. I love the brightly coloured fabrics, the oddly named furniture, the crazy little knick knacks that sometimes you have to figure out what they are…

It’s like the perfect world….. everything is colourful, shiny, beautiful and functional. It makes me want to refurnish my entire house, remodel my kitchen, decorate something… Walking through the children’s furniture, I momentarily consider having another child just so that I can buy a leaf canopy for his bed… or maybe the bed tent.

Most of my home is filled with IKEA furniture and implements….. from the many RIBBA frames on the walls.. to the NORESUND bedframe, table and mirror in my bedroom… I consciously strive to make my home look like the pages of the IKEA catalogue. After all, if I have the EKTORP sofa and coordinating STOCKHOLM coffee table..my living room, nay, my life.. might be as perfect as the pages of the sacred catalogue…..
IKEA and I go way back…. 20+ years ago, making my first trip to IKEA in North York to buy a kitchen table when the ex and I started living together. The marriage didn’t hold up, but that table is still solid.. sitting in his garage at the moment. When I got my own place, the highlight was the many many trips to IKEA for bedding, beds, kitchen utensils, dishes.. When I moved into this house, again, the joy of going to the store to pick out new beds for my kids, frames, accessories.. I am breathless thinking about it.
I think it’s because not only are they good looking, but my IKEA purchases don’t let me down… I write this laying upon a 12 year old paisley IKEA sofa… still good looking, still comfy.. still there for me. My IKEA 365 cookware.. reasonably priced yet far more durable than more expensive pots that I own. One time the daughter burnt the crap out of one…. several good scrubbings later, I still use that pot.

IKEA is there for me. IKEA makes me happy. I have had longer relationships with some of my IKEA purchases than I have with any man.

With a sigh I finish my trip to IKEA…. only picking up a GRANUM candle and napkin set.. a GROSSBY portable light and a battery powered PRODUKT whippy thingy that you use to froth milk. After all, I don’t really NEED anything, but I can’t let the love of my life down by walking out empty handed.

I’m thinking of changing my relationship status on Facebook to “in a relationship with IKEA”… after all, it’s the closest thing I have come to sex for a while…. and quite honestly, the satisfaction lasts quite a bit longer….. 😉

Life: Things are pretty good. Thanks for asking.
Love: I love IKEA. Did you not get that yet?
Pants: they are looser. Still working on it.

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