I am one of those people who has weird things happen to me. Like, one time I met both Geddy Lee and Flavor Flav in one weekend.. and Chuck D took the pic of me and Flav! See. Photographic evidence. He was very polite and respectful. However I still do not understand what chicks see in him… but I digress…
So, weird things happen to me.. I meet famous people.. I win stuff… but sometimes I do NOT win stuff. That part is just sad.
Here’s what happened…… I lost 2 million dollars in the last year and a half. I KNOW! The most recent time was on Lotto 6/49.. IF ONLY THE 7 HAD BEEN A 4!! I play the Encore each time.. I know some people think it’s not worth it, but I know someone who knows someone who DIDN’T play the Encore and did NOT win the million. And to make matters worse, her corner store posted a sign in their window that said “JOAN SMITH LOST A MILLION DOLLARS HERE BECAUSE SHE WAS TOO CHEAP TO SPEND THE EXTRA BUCK ON ENCORE! DUMB BITCH!!” or something along that line……
So, I played Encore… my number was 1357699… and the Encore number was 1354699. ONE FREAKING NUMBER AWAY FROM A MILLION DOLLARS. You’d think that you’d get some good freakin’ cash wouldn’t ya? Nope. $10 and a free ticket. BITE ME ONTARIO LOTTERY CORPORATION!!
But, previous to that…… flashback to September 2007….. I land in Regina to go to Canadian Country Music Week. Of course, the first stop is the liquor store… and as am perusing the fine liquor selection, my cell phone rings…
“Hi, I’m looking for Elizabeth Warren… this is Patricia from ‘Are You Smarter Than A Canadian 5th Grader'”…
“I’ve been waiting for your call….”
Yeah, I really did say that…..
So we proceed to have a charming conversation.. all the while I’m doing a little dancy dance in the Regina booze store.. WOOHOO! I am going to be on a freakin’ game show and win TONS of money!! Because I AM SMARTER THAN A CANADIAN FIFTH GRADER!!!
I am charming and hilarious and Patricia is laughing.. she finds my answer re: what’s the first thing you’d spend the money on to be hysterical.. I said I’d buy my son a trampoline (that is the deal if I win a lot of money.. I think that’s getting off cheap…) She asks me to come to Toronto to do a screentest for the show…. I AM A SHOO IN!!!
THEN comes the proverbial bucket of cold water…. “Great! so you can be in Toronto the day after tomorrow?”
“Uh, I’m in Regina for a conference…”
“Can you come back?”
“Not till Monday…”
“Oh. We’ll be done by then……”
Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn!
So I lost a million bucks. But it makes for a good story.
And if truth be told, I would have settled for $250K.
Life: No real change. It`s pretty ok.
Love: Only boys on the internet. More on this later.
Pants: Down 4 lbs since yesterday. My secret? Weigh yourself fully clothed at night and then naked the next morning. Gives ya a nice “kickstart”….